Perspective

A friend of mine did a recent post on this subject, reminding me I had forgotten to do my own post on the same subject....so here goes mine (which wont be nearly as wonderful as her post, but works from our end of the world)

It seems on any given day my perspective about things varies. A good day will bring lots of positive, and an extra rough day will bring out the not-so-positive...I guess that is like anyone.

It seems that my perspective also has alot of weight on my brain ever comparing myself to others. This was something my friend also commented about. I loved her thoughts on both perspective and comparing ourselves to others. She is so smart and very wise. I love learning new things from her and learning to be just a little more wise too...

One of her comments had to do with keeping an eternal perspective about why we are here - to gain a body and to learn from this mortal experience. It is always fun for me when I find other friends post on same things that have also been running through my brain.

This last week I have had the opportunity to have some lengthy and brief conversations with others who are in our circle of life experiences right now. Things have been extra rough again, and as I have shared those things with others, I have had several friends/nurses tell me they wish they could take all of this away for us. I guess my perspective has been a little bit more positive during these conversations. My response, every time, has been the same: Heavenly Father gave us this experience for a reason. We still dont know what that reason is, and we may not know for quite a long time. We have learned, are learning, will continue to learn so many things. We have had so many wonderful experiences, so many miracles, even in, and sometimes especially in the worst moments. If someone were to take away this experience, those blessings and miracles and learning would also be taken away....Would we trade to have the good taken away with the bad? Probably not. In fact, would probably ask for it back because the good, in the eternal perspective of things, will far outweigh the bad moments....

Those things that we/others have learned maybe could not have come any other way. The testimonies that have been strengthened through miracles big and small, would not be traded for anything. The countless blessings, and outpouring of love and sacrifice and service would never be wished away. So, the bad cannot be wished away, even in those worst moments of pain and grief. The true tragedy would come in losing all of those things that will help us become who Heavenly Father needs/wants us to be to take our learning and growth with us far beyond this mortal existence.

So, the whole comparing thing. I started this post a week ago, and still have not been able to really gather my thoughts on this subject. Maybe I start with what my friend had to say on her blog - so simple, but so very wise. She is amazing that way. This is her perspective on the whole comparing ourselves to others thing:

"....So, why do I compare my juggling act to a three ring circus?  Cause I am human.  No!  Because I am female.

(Insert my thoughts here) - She really nailed it on the head, comparing ourselves to others is totally a female thing. Our brains just go into auto pilot sometimes in this direction. Over these last 6 months, I have had way too much time for my brain to go into auto mode and dwell on comparing me to others/our current situation to others'. Usually leads to guilt and stress with no positive outcome to be found...and yet I dwell there way too often. How do I change that...work in progress...)

(OK, back to my friend's wonderful thoughts)

 

Here is the conclusion I have come up with after days of thinking. Life is about balance.  Our purpose here on earth is to gain a body and learn from this mortal existence.   

Our Eternal perspective should be FAMILIES. 

I busy myself with all the things I do, cause they are somehow important to me and my family.  I am sure this is why most people are involved in their activities.  But what is more important?  My Family? or my families activities?

There is a thin line between being a busy mom (cause every mom is busy) and having busy families. 

Are my kids stretched too much with school and other activities?

Are we getting the valuable family time that we need to grow as an eternal family?

Do we have quiet moments in our home to reflect on what matters most?

I guess what I am getting at, is that every mom could take a little break and slow down.  Look around and reflect on why we really do the things we do. No matter if you are the mom running the three ring circus or the mom who can only manage to run their own household, you are still a busy mom.  A mom does the most important job in the whole world.  Take it seriously and stop worrying about who might be doing more or less than you, cause YOU ARE DOING THE MOST IMPORTANT THING FOR YOUR ETERNAL FAMILY.

 

(Again - insert my thoughts here.) - Didnt I tell you she was so wise. She honed it all down to one simple sentence - focusing on doing what is right and best for OUR individual family. Focusing on what is good for us, and letting all the other comparisons go. These last 6 months we have been where no one else we know has been personally. The next 4-6 months will continue to be the same. We know many others who have had family or friends go through cancer, but not have it effect them individually/personally. So, that being said, how I can I compare others' "normal" to our "normal" - which is "stop on a dime", "regroup", "organized chaos", "home & hospital" almost 24-7. Our regular "normal", for the most part, is not like anyone else - the things that are important to us: church, family, school, military, kiddo activities, are all totally different from everyone around us without adding our current situation on top of things. So why do I find myself feeling guilty for all of the things we are not,and that I am not doing? It is that female thing, I guess. It is that giving in on my worst days and not able to really ever see things as they really are. It is my life experiences skewing my view of life in general. It is not being able to ever really let the walls down to see what is on the other side. I look around me and see amazing women doing amazing things that I know I will never be capable of doing. But why should I want to be them, when it really is perfectly fine to just be me? Perfectly fine that the choices we make for,and with, our family are those that we know ARE right for us, hopefully directed by what Heavenly Father would have US do. It is a constant work in progress to hone in to what is best for us. It is consciously making efforts to do just a little better each day, and working hard to let go and be ok with those "survival mode" days that do come. It is making choices to let go of those things that do cause hurt or guilt, and replace them with things that cause happiness and peace. Can't say that I am good at any of this, it really is a work in progress, and probably will be through my entire life. My hope is that as I am learning to do these things, that I am hopefully teaching my children about the things that bring peace and happiness vs not. That is a work in progress too...

 

We are in a place right now where change is constant, and usually it is unexpected change. We really dont have any "normal" or routine or rhyme or reason to our days. We just take 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day at a time, and keep doing the best we can. Sometimes that best can be awesome and amazing and happy and wonderful. Sometimes that best is just making sure we are all fed, dressed and no one has clobbered or killed each other by the end of the day.

 

In our striving to expend energy the best we can, on things that truly are important to OUR family, it is important to not expend energy comparing me/our family to anyone else. Really, that is expending energy in negative ways that only do damage to myself, our family. Those others that I often find myself envying, or the guilt I heap on myself because I am not, wont ever be like them, really never has a positive outcome. Worrying about what others say or think about our choices, esp in our current situation, shouldnt matter. Not saying that I dont drift there more often than not, and let it effect me way too often, but maybe in making a more conscious effort, I can try harder to focus on what matters to me, our family and to Heavenly Father's plan of who/what He would like to see us become. Becoming is a lifelong pursuit. All we/I can keep doing is keep trying, 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day at a time. Set backs will happen, but so will successes. We/I will continue to look for the good, in myself, in others, in our organized chaos of every day. Maybe eventually the walls will come all the way down, and the whole comparison thing will focus on comparing me/our family to ourselves and doing what Pres. Hinkley was always so fond of saying "do just a little bit better."

 

A little bit is just that, little, one thing at a time. There are going to be days that just downright stink, and others that are going to leave us soaring. Like my friend said earlier, the challenge is finding the right balance, the right choices for our family and finding the balance that will help us keep that eternal perspective. For us, maybe as with anyone, that truly is a work in progress. Baby steps, just one little one at a time. Over these last months I have been getting pretty good at baby steps. They have very often neccesitated the help of others, but 2 baby steps in the right direction is still moving forward. That is a good direction to go. We'll get where we need to go, slow and steady. Focusing perspective and comparing on what is right for building our eternal family, one baby step at a time, will make all the difference. Remembering to find joy in the journey, and not just in the destination, is really what it is all about. Will keep working on it....