Sacrifice Is...

*A friend who takes her lunch break to visit me in the hospital instead giving herself a break

*A mom who flies out to stay with us to help even though it is the worst possible time for her to leave home

*A dad who is willing to let mom come even though he needs her even more than we do

*A nurse who helps me prepare to go home and sees me off instead of leaving to go home when her shift was over

*A medical doctor who is willing to see me even though I had been told she would be “out of office” for the next 2 weeks

*A husband who gives up 2 days of work to care for my every need around the clock

*A husband who desperately hates leaving me alone at the hospital, but goes home to care for children who need him even more

*A husband who gives up more work, military and church responsibilities to single-handedly care for 6 VERY sick children.

*A daughter who stays up in the middle of the night to help dad clean bathrooms after little brother was extra sick

*A daughter who gives up sleep/her own free time to read books to her little sister

*Daughters who give up sleep every morning to faithfully attend seminary

*A young man who will not take a friend to prom because he is actively choosing to live what he believes

*A friend who gives up family time just to drive me to the hospital

*A husband who tenderly sits and cares for his wife in the hospital as together they take on a disease that will eventually take her life

*Ward members who take time to make meals and to drive me to appts when they already have so many things to do for their own families

*Dear sisters who have learned new computer skills just to help coordinate extra help to meet our family's needs during these long months

*Dear friends who give up whole days to care for kiddos or to help little ones with school.

*There are so many things I could add to this list...there are more people, more gifts than I can ever count. So many have sacrificed so much in our behalf over these last months, I am not sure we are ever going to be able to say thank you enough or ever repay the kindness and friendship and love that has been shown to us in so many ways, big and small. We have been truly blessed by all of the sacrifices of so many. For that we are so very grateful.

Silly Kids

Something that has been in short supply these last several months has been laughter. Things have just been so extra difficult for the most part that more often than not tears have been shed vs laughter heard. With these 2, it doesnt take much to set them off, and then me in the process. I started out just taking a pict of Kels before she went off to preschool. She actually let us do her hair, and she just looked so cute, that I wanted to get a couple of picts. Before I knew it, Ky wanted in on the photo op too, and the two of them set each other off. I could hardly take their picts because I was laughing so hard. Those moments have been so few. It feels good to get the chance to just have a good tears running down your face belly laugh. These 2 are good at starting those.....

Spring Break Family Day

Preston was able to take a day off work for us to have 1 family day during Spring Break. Our day started pretty early and with extra adventure - our family trip to the dentist. When we arrived I brought everyone running and firing off questions about me. We found out about my cancer just after we had been there, so my appearance totally took everyone by surprise. I tried to answer as many questions as I could. The one medical assistant was clearly rattled and when I told her surgery was next week she asked me if I was going to have a vasectomy - I laughed right out loud at that - she really meant masectomy - but she was really just so startled about the whole thing.
When we go to the dentist, we just try to knock everyone out at once, still takes a good couple of hours plus....All the kids did great for the most part. Kelsianne got a bit unsettled (she still struggles a bit with being extra shy) and shed some tears during her turn. I went back with her and she just lay on top of me while I held her. That seemed to be enough to let her get through her turn and she was thrilled to be rewarded with a new purple toothbrush and a pizza gift certificate. Once again, our Baxter clan came away with perfect check-ups. Of course we also came away with a few surprises - more comments from Dr B about the Baxter cross bite and who will be next in line for Dr P and braces AND that Ceana will need to get her wisdom teeth out sooner vs later. She has already had her braces, so they will need to come out so her pretty teeth dont get crowded and need work again. Will have to look at that for this Summer probably. All in all, a positive experience for everyone and the kids all walked away with a goodie bag filled with fun things.

One of the fun things in the goody bag is a gift certificate to Izzy's - one of our FAVE restaurants! We dont always have time to take the kids to lunch after our appt, but knowing Preston had taken the day off, we were able to take the kids to lunch and just take our time. They had a new mac & cheese that was a big hit with everyone. Ky especially loved it and ended up eating 4 BOWLS of the stuff. We wrote that down on our comment card! It was funny to watch the kids during lunch.  Izzy's has 2 big screen TV's in their large seating area that are usually showing sports stuff. Since we dont have regular TV at home, the kids get mesmerized by TV and commercials of any kind. Their eyes were glued to those big screens at times, it was kind of funny. Everyone ate their fill and a great time was had by all. After eating so much everyone was looking forward to getting their exercise at our next stop - Highland Bowl! It is one of our favorite outings. It was funny that the minute we pulled into the driveway that Ky piped up with "This is where I broke my hand!" It is often surprising to me the things that the little kiddos remember. Of course, he was referring to to a couple of years ago on Spring Break when we were there with friends and Ky got his fingers crushed when he tripped and dropped the ball on his hand. That was quite the adventure.

We got everyone up to the counter and kept calling off shoe sizes and then proceeded to gather balls. It is always a big to do to get us all settled on an outing like this. Finally we were all ready to go, complete with nick names for play (Sonic, Swtpotpie, Mr CoolDad, SuperKy, AmazonWoman, MormonLover) I think Caiden and Kels were the only ones who just used their name. Kels was very adamant that she was just Kelsianne and not anything else, it was funny.
When we arrived, I realized that I hadnt brought anything with me, including the camera. Thank goodness that our phones have cameras these days, not the best images, but at least it is something fun to remember.

Kelsianne

Super Ky

Sonic

Caiden

Amazon Woman

Mormon Lover

Mr Cool Dad

SwtPotPie

Ky was the most excited about everyone's success. Anytime someone got a strike or a spare he would jump up and down. This one I caught him with his own strike, he was VERY excited about that.

I wish I would have been able to get better picts of Preston with the kids. He had come right up with Ky to show him how to better hold the ball and how to swing it vs just pushing it along the floor. It was so sweet to see Ky snuggled next to Preston as they talked. The camera on the phone just doesnt take picts fast enough, but action shots are fun too I guess. It was wonderful to have Preston all to ourselves and to see him interact with the kids one-on-one, he just doesnt get that time with them very often.

Kels just had so much fun. She would sit on the floor with her ball and just push it along the floor. She would cross the line and set off the buzzer. The boys would fuss that she "crossed the line" but she just didnt care, she was just having fun.

Caiden got some extra practice taking Preston's turn on the lane without bumpers on our 2nd game. He was really bummed that he came in last against the 3 little peeps, so Preston gave him some extra time and coaching on our lane to cheer him up. It seemed to work and everyone left happy and tired.

We got home with a little time to spare before I took the kids to karate. Preston ended up staying behind to do some work after all. With deadlines looming and every submission from the other groups constantly changing his drawings, he just had to put in some time to correspond with others who were at work. We were so happy to get him to ourselves for most of the day. We had a wonderful time and made lots of fun memories. It was extra wonderful for me to be feeling well enough to be out and about and be able to spend time with the kids too. It has been way too long since we have had time like this together. Looking forward to Summer when we can have lots of days like this!

March Snow

We have had some snow and heavy rains in the last few months. In recent years, it has never snowed past 1st weekend in February. This year that changed - we got 24 full hours of snow just about a week ago - March 21 - 4th week of March - crazy....

These picts are taken in the late AM of March 21. It had already been snowing for hours at this point. It was a heavy, wet, slushy snow that just clumped on everything. It was so heavy it just bent everything it gathered on.

These images were taken at about 1030PM the same day. During the day, for the most part, the ground stayed warm enough to not have the snow stick for long or at all. By late afternoon, though, it started sticking and the snow came down heavier. The branches on the neighbor's tree were bent so much we thought for sure they would break right off.

I took this pict from our upstairs playroom window. The snow was SO heavy and the flakes were HUGE as you can kind of see here. You could find and follow the monster flakes all the way to the ground or wherever they landed. It was totally crazy. I dont think I remember flakes that big even all the years we lived in Utah. It was really something to just sit there in the window and watch the snow and see how beautiful everything looked. As I was sitting in the window my neighbor came out on her porch. We both laughed and remembered that this was exactly how we met when they moved in - I was taking picts of the snow after that HUGE storm we had a few years ago and we talked back and forth across the street during the storm. We both stayed out and watched the snow and talked for more than 1/2 hour. Neither of us could believe what the weather was doing again. We finally both got cold and headed inside. It is a fun memory.

The images from here on are taken 1030AM on March 22. Thought for sure when I went out that I would find broken branches and devastated blossoms, boy was I surprised that neither had happened! Lucky me to be able to get out there and try out my Christmas surprise finally - my new macro lens. Going to have TONS of fun with it as I learn to use it better. I think some of these turned out pretty well for just playing with it...

My FAVE image. Would have gotten more if the wind hadnt been blowing so much. I would just get something into focus and have the wind blow and move the branch which would blow off the water droplets....Will just keep trying!

Love this one too. The morning was VERY foggy and the sun was still low enough it was right behind a line of trees behind the fog. Made for perfect sillouettes.

Just an FYI, a measurement in the AM showed 3"+. I can imagine it would have been TONS more if the snow the day before had actually stuck to the ground. It was amazing to watch it snow for 24 hours and stick and then watch it all melt and disappear in less than 12 hours the next day. Crazy weather. Hoping that we will see the warm weather of Spring arrive soon!

Grandma Came To Visit

Preston got a surprise phone call from his mom when I was in the hospital to let us know that she was making time to come and stay with us. When I talked to her the morning after I got home, she was so excited about all of the fun she was planning with the kids and to help us any way that she could. We were going to keep it a surprise from the kids, but my chemo brain spilled the beans that same night. Actually it was kind of fun and amazing at what the kids' accomplished knowing and preparing for grandma to come. The playroom was completely disasterized, and when Ky found out grandma could be hurt if the toys were left where she needed to sleep, he slipped quietly upstairs and cleaned up the whole playroom by himself! The boys had to call and tell her that he made sure it was safe for her to come. It was so cute of him. Thankfully it was only a couple of days' wait when the kids found out she was coming, not sure they would have been able to stand it if it had been longer :)

Mom is good at turning everything into a game, even chores. She had all the kids helping with cleanup jobs that we just havent been able to get to. The kids loved every minute of everything they did together because she made everything so much fun. Together we all got tons done and took on and finished monster projects just because mom was here with her Energizer Bunny genes and enthusiasm and energy! The house is a whole different place because she was here.

Mom is an amazing cook. Wish she lived closer so I could learn tons more from her. She got the kids involved in all of the cooking and baking while she was here too. We have a fabulous recipe for chocolate zuchinni bread from a friend. The kids couldnt wait to help mom make it and eat it. Those muffins didnt last long...We had tons of fun with food and learned lots too!

All 4 of the boys in Preston's family are Eagle Scouts. Caiden's older cousin is also now an Eagle Scout too, and has set the bar extra high. Caiden really enjoys scouts and was able to work on his cooking merit badge with mom's help.

 He planned and prepared an entire dinner including a fruit salad, green salad, grilled potato wedges and grilled shake & bake chicken. It was the first time that Caiden had used the BBQ grill. He did an awesome job and everyone raved over the whole dinner, but especially the chicken that tasted amazing! Way to go Caiden and a great big THANX to grandma for helping him!

 Here is Caiden with all of his extra amazing menu items. He was so proud of himself, and rightfully so! His first cooking experience was a great success!

Grandma did SOOO many fun things with the kids during her visit. She treated the kids to one last big hoorah before she left - ice cream at DQ. The kids all loved that and it was a great way for them to end a wonderful week together.

We made sure to get a pict of mom and the kids before she left too.

The kids stood out on the porch to wave to grandma, I stood inside the door and cried. Having mom here has been a wonderful and precious gift to all of us, but esp to me. Mom helped in so many ways, taught me so many things, spent individual time with all of us, and just loved us. It was really extra hard to see her go home. I still cry just like I did that day when I think of the sacrifice that mom and dad both made for her to be here with us, and esp when I think about how much she loves us. We love her so much, and miss her tons already. THANK YOU isnt big enough to say all we want to for all that she does for us. Love you, mom!

Not sure this is a good idea ...

Rory has decided to participate in a run/walk event with her sisters-in-law over Mothers' Day weekend. THAT is going to be a good idea, I have no doubt. I wonder if her heart issues these past few weeks have scared her as much as it scared me, possibly making her think it was time to get the old cardiovascular system up and running again? Maybe it was all of Kaeli's Health class essays about muscles and endurance and training? Or maybe she remembered that the time of her life she was getting the best quality sleep (still not good quality, but relatively the best) was when she was training for that marathon? Whatever the reason, and realizing she physically needs to prepare for the race, Rory decided to start a free 1-week trial at the gym I (used to) go to every morning.

OK, that sounds like a good idea, right? Not so sure ... she told me yesterday that she wanted to start right away, as in THE VERY NEXT MORNING. I reminded her that with it being Spring Break the kids don't have Seminary, so we wouldn't have to go as early as we normally would (during their class time). No problem, we'll just go at 6:30am instead!

Have I mentioned that I USED TO go to this place regularly, and that I've been using our crazy life as a very legitimate and reasonable excuse not to work out for quite awhile? But OK, if Rory, the most ardent anti-morning person I have ever met, is willing to get up at what we call the "butt-crack of dawn" to go get some exercise, then my measly excuses don't hold much water.

I met her at the gym yesterday while she was getting her orientation by one of the owners, and she got all the paperwork signed. SHE WASN'T BACKING OUT YET!

So this morning came, and out the door we went together. I didn't say anything, but I definitely noticed when she left the house with a bandana around her forehead totally NOT hiding her "chick fuzz" hairdo. Courage. We got to spend a few extra minutes talking on the ride to the gym, checked in, and fired up a couple of treadmills. Rory's foot was giving her troubles, but still she didn't back out. I have been away from the gym for far too long and it really showed on my run today. But there we were, together, getting some exercise. AT 6:30 IN THE MORNING! We cleaned up and had a few more minutes together before I left for work, time we haven't spent together in a LONG time. If she keeps this up, we will probably have to spend EVERY morning together, maybe even eat breakfast together, spend family time, etc.

So all things considered, I'm not so sure this is a good idea.

Instead, I'm pretty much convinced it's a GREAT idea.

Rory Medical Update

Just a quick note to update everyone on what we have found out from the MRI.

Preston & I talked to my surgeon via phone this afternoon for quite some time. MRI results look really great and he is really encouraged that we are on track for surgery options being minimal.

We talked in length about all of the options of surgery and the whole node dissection thing. We have decided that once in surgery that if the sentinel node is negative, they wont come out. It will mean extra radiation to that area after surgery, but Dr F didnt seem to think that was going to be a really big deal.

Both Preston and I feel our decision is the right one, and in this case we are going for the "less is more" approach. I am officially pre-registered for surgery as of today and with only a couple of Dr appts left on our plate, everything looks like a go for next week.

Sooooo..here is the hoped game plan: April 5 AM I will check into the mammography office. There they will place a locator wire into the tumor. Next I will go over to the hospital. Part A of surgery is the sentinel node biopsy. IF negative, plan will be to leave all the other nodes in place. IF positive for any reason, surgery will include taking them all out (Dr F seems to feel this will probably not be the case). Part B of surgery will be the actual tumor removal. At this point, Dr F is planning on just the lumpectomy. This should be just an out patient thing, provided I eventually come around from the anesthesia and dont have to be admitted for the night. Recovery should just take as long as I need for the most part. I am sure we will find out more about that next week.

We have an appt to meet with the radiology team on April 16. This will be a monster long appt that will set up exactly what I will need and set up my treatment schedule. Will plan to start sometime in May and radiation therapy will last 6 weeks. Dont have any info or details about what will come after radiation. I will have several follow up appts, more tests, will eventually have my port removed, and will be given a post chemo/cancer med that will most likely be on the rest of my life.

I guess that is all for now. Talking with my surgeon today really answered alot of questions and both Preston & I feel better about things, and much more prepared for next week.

We will try to post more as we gather more info or receive more instructions for next week. Stay tuned....

MOM...MOM...BUT MOM....

These are the words that greeted me from each of my little kiddos after I arrived home from the hospital late last night.

 

Do you remember the seagulls from Nemo? Instead of "mine" insert "mom" and you will have it about right. I couldn't keep up with all of them firing questions and comments at me (you would think they hadn't seen me in awhile…J) I tried to take time for Preston first, but it just didn't happen that way and the kids dominated my attention.

 

I have been away for 4 very long days, I couldn't deny any of them a thing. I took time to spend individual time with each of them. For Colton, it was trying to answer as he continued firing anxious questions at me about spending time with our best friend's family during Spring Break. For Ky it was listening to him tell about getting his green belt at class last night (could have a REALLY unpleasant conversation with the master about testing Ky with NONE of us there with him…) and also listening to him list off all the things he was going to spend his time doing during Spring Break (Wii, dad's IPOD were at the top of his list). For Caiden, it was just a 2 minute conversation (is this a Baxter guy thing, or just a guy thing in general?) about how he liked the CHS choir concert he went to with his sister. For Kelsianne, it was sitting on her bed with her reading some of her favorite alphabet books and then after "tucking her in" allowing her to interrupt my time with big sister so she could come in and give me a kiss. For Ceana, it was time listening to my girl be in complete hysterics again. Wish I knew what I could do to relieve or eliminate her stress/anxiety/panic these days. Although it hasn't really been days, it has been 6 long months….For Kaeli, it was holding her hair back, getting her cold washcloths, rubbing her back and stroking her hair as she continued to throw up until late….and then tucking her in on the couch with the laptop so she could yell for me if she needed help. I couldn't not help her. She has been a trooper in helping care for all of the other little people be sick. All of a sudden it was her turn, and no one to care for her. I was glad that I had arrived home to do that for her.

 

Of course, by the time I had gotten everyone settled for the night it was 11pm and Preston had long given up on me. I felt so bad that, again, that I had not been able to be there just for him….esp knowing that his schedule today wont let him be back home until the middle of the night tonight….maybe soon we will have some time….

 

Today has had its ups and downs. I had more nightmares during the night/early AM that, had I been wearing a heart monitor, would have set it to blaring. REM has continued to become more intense and nightmares a daily occurrence. I am very thankful to have an appointment soon to see my sleep specialist and talk with him about things. Will see what he has to say. I woke up feeling not rested in the slightest. I have also been very emotional today. It seems that I have not been able to handle a rational or calm conversation all day with bawling, which made all the phone calls today challenging. I spent 2/3 of the day on the phone fielding all sorts of medical calls. I have several new appointments on board, including a date for the consult with the radiology oncology team. That is going to be a monster appointment and will totally lay out what the plan will be for my radiation treatments. It is good to finally have it on the books. I also got a lot of questions answered from my oncologist about everything that happened over the weekend. I did apparently fall through the cracks somehow and was supposed to have been seen by oncology partner who was on call, but he never came. Not sure why, maybe because I wasn't his patient…I don't know. Anyway, I guess good things come from not good circumstances. That one thing has spurred me to find a PCP ASAP. Hoping I will get some good feedback from others as to recommends. I have one so far, hopefully will be able to find someone who will take me on with all of my history. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

 

This afternoon my new prescriptions were FINALLY filled. I guess our little town pharmacy got slammed today with needs and it was late this afternoon before they were ready. Nice thing about living in a small town is knowing people at local businesses. I got a huge hug from one of the assistants we have known for a long time and a sincere "how are you?". I also got personal assistance from one of the pharmacists about which heart/blood pressure monitor was right for me and detailed instructions about my new meds. I felt a lot better about things when we left the store (I say "we" because I had to have Ceana drive me, just not stable enough yet)

 

We did have one adventure added to our plate today that I was sure was going to lead us into disaster and another beast "cha-ching" – Ceana said that the beast was "chunking" and making strange sounds. Boy, she wasn't kidding. When we tried to get to the store, I thought for sure it was going to just fall apart in the middle of the road. I knew that we had to get my stuff from the store if we were going to end up being without a car again. We ran in and out of Bimart and then resigned ourselves to having the beast gone for repairs again. The owner of the shop was there himself and listened as I described what it was doing. His response was "Is it in 4 wheel drive?" Of course, I am clueless about such things and I told him with the beast it is never something that simple. He asked if he could take a quick look. He was back inside in literally 2 minutes. "Let me see what you think now" – I was blown away. We were still worried about the high pitched sound that he said he couldn't hear at all. We all got in and he drove it, clean and smooth as all get out and NO sound. Apparently the lights are burned out on the 4 wheel buttons just behind the steering wheel gearshift and somehow it had gotten bumped and we didn't know it. WHEW! It really was that simple. Where else than in a small town do you get that kind of help. I thanked him profusely, you have NO idea how thankful I was, and he happily sent us on our way. Wow! TM!

 

We also had our funnies for today. Just don't know what I would do without Kels and Ky and their funny, silly personalities right now. Grandma Goldie had popped in for a visit (of course she came while we were gone…sigh…) and had brought the kids her yummy brownies. Kaeli said that Goldie had brought brownies because "Part of being a Baxter is loving chocolate and brownies!" Of course, all the kiddos were clamoring to have one. I was in the kitchen when Kels asked if she could have a brownie. Me: "Have you had a brownie already?" Kels: "No". Me: "Let me see your teeth" (Grandma Goldie's brownies are gooey, chewy yumminess!) Upon seeing no stuck brownie I handed her one. She left the kitchen on the run and as she got around the corner to the library I heard "Wahoo, I got another brownie!" – which brought me running right behind her. She is such a stinker. When I questioned her again all I got was her closed eye, Cheshire cat grin. Did I mention she is SUCH a stinker? Did she get the brownie…yes….Now I can feel for the FB blurb Preston posted about a similar situation he had with her over cupcakes during the weekend. Little stinker…Ky is more of a sugar fiend than his sister because the master always teaches the student. I am not even sure if he tasted the brownie or not before he was asking me for another one. I told him it was just a taste and that one was more than enough (Grandma Goldie's brownies are also VERY rich…mmmm) I had not had mine, and as I was holding it on a napkin in the kitchen, with a wicked giggle he tried to dunk slam my hand holding the brownie. Did I mention he is our sugar fiend child? It was barely above his reach, and I teased him that he missed. Did I mention he is also our resident squirt? Then he threw back his head and cackled, all the while still trying to get to that brownie. It had turned into a game, and listening to him cackle brought the laughter that I very much needed again today. Did I mention that he is a stinker too?

 

We are laying low tonight as Preston is away, girls are going to TMS choir concert, Caiden and Kels still in different stages of feeling yucky still. Early dinner and bedtime sounds fine to me….

It's Official!

4pm – Just got officially cut loose. On call Dr. was very quiet, didn't seem overly concerned about the few questions I remembered to ask. When I talked with him about my heart rate jumping he did talk about a genre of meds I could try. He suggested starting them here and holding me another day, but I told him I thought I have been away from home long enough. Will see if he makes any comments/suggestions about that in his report/instructions for home. (Just a side note as I have been working on this the last couple of hours Nurse D has come in and Dr R has recommended a beta blocker medication to help calm and regulate my heart rate. Nurse D doesn't think it will need to be long term, but at least while I am still finishing up oncology etc it will be on board. The big thing will be monitoring myself at home. Good thing I know a few awesome nurses personally…I am sure I will be asking them to help J)

I know that I will be going home with at least 3 other new scripts for meds from the last 3 days. That could be interesting to add things to the pharmacy we already have running at home….

I also asked if any of my oncology team Dr's had been contacted at all about me being here all weekend. It sounds as if at least one Dr contacted Dr M or Dr O from oncology. Nurse D did mention since I don't have a primary care Dr that all of my reports will go to Dr M. They are also working on scheduling me for a follow up appointment with her.

 

We have had a little more adventure this afternoon. I had been in awe that I hadn't set the heart monitors off or sent any nurses running today. I had to hold back the laughter when Nurse D came in with batteries in her hand…batteries for the heart monitor that was attached to me…oops. I did end up setting it off a couple of times, but nothing like it has been or like last night.

 

My other oops was almost a misadventure. Today was crazy busy on the floor I am on – interns, medical students, big bosses back on the floor, etc – so my cute CNA wasn't able to get back to me to help me clean up until late this afternoon. It felt so good to finally just clean up and get clean bedding. Even though I am doing tons better today, they like to be sure of where I am and help according to my orders. She helped me get settled in the bathroom and somehow as I was cleaning up I snagged my IV line, and partially pulled the line out of my port. I think if the monster tape wasn't holding it on I would have accidentally pulled it right out. Sheesh. IV nurse does a fabulous job that lasts through everything for 4 days and I almost yank the dumb thing out in a split second oops….Thankfully there was an IV nurse on the floor and they had her come take a look at it. I kept apologizing and she tried to reassure me I wasn't the first patient to accidentally pull a line out. She was able to get a saline flush in and a good blood return out and confirmed it was still in place enough to be ok. Nurse K did such an awesome job with it that I have hardly noticed it was there, but I have to admit I will be very happy to be at home and not hooked up to wires and tubes and things. I imagine I am going to have some lovely marks all over my skin though. Between the heart monitor stickers, clips and all the monster tape coming off I am going look all sides of pretty (insert rolling eyes and smirky sarcastic face here)

 

I am celebrating going home by ordering the meal that I missed out on last night because I got so sick. I am happy that I am feeling good enough to really enjoy it tonight. It will be nice to just hang while I am waiting for all of my discharge paperwork to be processed – probably just as long or more than when we arrived Friday. Good to know that my dear friend J is going to come and gather me up after her shift downstairs so Preston can stay with the kids.

 

There have been lots of ups and downs the last few days. Some have been more rough than it seemed we could really get through – for me and for Preston and the kids. It has been so hard for each of us to not be there to help the other, but we have had dear friends step up to the plate once again and show the true colors of the angels that they are. To C & R, I really just don't know what we would ever do without you. Of course, as always, we will look back over this long weekend and see what has been learned, what has been given, what has been shared. I imagine we will be able to come up with a longer list than we have paper. I will be sure that Preston comes in and edits this post to add his/the girls' thoughts too:

 

JOY IS….

*Having a husband who worries about and cares for me, no matter what

*ER nurses who have unusual and adventurous "other" lives outside their medical work

*IV nurses who rock at what they do!

*Floor nurses who are gentle, tender and understanding, no matter what

*Earplugs!!!

*Having a new room & friendly roommate

* The Food Channel when sleep just is not happening

* "The Hairbrush" Story – thanx J, for the gift of laughter you gave

*My own things to change into at the hospital (thank you, my love)

*Nurses who tease even in the midst of stressful moments

*Pretty good hospital food

*Looking forward to sleeping without getting pinched

*Having mostly the same nurses all weekend

*Having a sweet nurse who apologizes for neglecting me (when really she has been crazy busy)

*Having pain meds to manage pain we haven't been able to handle at home

*Finding a new pain med that I can handle AND works!

*Will keep adding to this list!

Yesterday was another all around rough day, here for me at the hospital, and at home for Preston and the kids. Kaeli seems to have been pondering this whole last weekend in her heart because she wrote and sent me this beautiful poem. My girl is often wise beyond her years, and we are so blessed to get to receive the bounty of her gifts.

 

KAELI'S WISDOM

"A Seed of Faith"

It is taught that faith is like a seed and that we must help it to grow through learning and acceptance and through trials that come. But how can I keep this seed strong you might wonder?

 

A Seed Of Faith

A seed is planted

With loving care

In soil rich with good

 

The sun shines down

On this little seed's

Resting place

 

It feels the warmth

And reaches out to feel

The golden embrace

 

It starts to grow,

Though only a little

Under the ground,

It assuredly grows

It soon pokes it way up

A little green sprout

Coming to face a new world

 

As time goes on

The young plant grows

Taller and a litter stronger

Seasons change

Wind and rain come quickly

They beat upon the plant

Trying to tear it down

 

The small sprout holds fast to

Its anchor in the ground

It faces the wind,

But it cannot hold out forever

 

The storm cuts the plant

And breaks its once strong stem

The plant falls down and

Waits for the storm to pass

 

The sun breaks through the darkened clouds

And brings new hope

Then the master who once planted that seed

Comes to help it stand

 

He gazes on the little, broken down plant

With the same love with which it was planted,

He straightens it tenderly

And explains:

 

"Through the storms, you can become stronger.

You gain so much more than what was lost,

As long as you are strong and keep trying

Even after the storm knocks you over"

 

The small and weakened plant

Tries to stand a little taller

And to grow a little stronger

So it is ready for the next storm

 

It knows that it might get knocked down

But that it can grow stronger

Each time with the help

Of its master

Rory March 19

3-19-2012 – (Monday) – Rory

Well, after our 3am adventure, the rest of the night was pretty uneventful. I did set the heart monitor off one more time just by rolling over. I think that little nurse was probably glad to go home last night so she didn't have to keep worrying about me…

 

This morning has been pretty quiet. Just routine stuff – vitals, meds, breakfast, etc. Nurse D is being awesome at fielding all of my questions for whoever on call Dr is. Really hoping we might get answers sooner vs later…but it is already 1130am…and no Dr to be seen yet.

 

This morning I am feeling SOOO much better than yesterday. I think I am kind of getting stir crazy though. I have been receiving the most amazing care, and with all the things that have happened with me, it has been good that I have been here vs home. If there were still not so many unanswered questions I would be ready to roll right now.

 

Nurse D has gone over all the tests with me this morning. They all give a shining report of health, except for one small thing – my heart rate skyrocketing way outside normal parameters with no consistency. Tests have shown nothing, but it leaves us with still a pretty major issue and still no cause or answers or suggestions yet.

 

Another concern still not resolved is the whole thing with the 1^st room I was in now being under quarantine and whether I have been exposed to something else extra nasty. Nurse D said results for the disease test they sent out still have not come back. I again asked her about it being something not only dangerous for me, but something I might take home with me, I think that is what worries me most. She was only able to share a little bit with me, but hopefully Dr can answer things in more detail soon.

 

The last issue is when they cut me loose (99.9% sure today) where will I go home to? My immune system hit rock bottom this weekend. Even though my white count is improving, exposing me to germs means I have a greater chance of getting in more trouble. Kiddos are still very sick at our house. Dr Shawn office said that it would be extra important to keep me and Kelsianne separated especially since she is still struggling with fever and nasty cough. I have been away for 4 days now, anyone can guess how very difficult that is going to be. So the conversation between me and Nurse D is where do I go? What can I do? I am hoping that when finally see attending doctor today that he will be able to give some more input and maybe that we can even be in touch with Dr McGregor and get her input on where I am and what needs to happen, esp knowing surgery is scheduled in just 2 weeks….Stay tuned….