Well, looks like my big mouth is going to win again - so much for not posting anymore...
Church on Sunday was a complete disaster. Not only was I very angry about being there against my will, I made a complete fool of myself with all my emotional output. It is somewhere I am not going again. When I am ready I will go back, eventually, but that time is not right now - no matter what anyone else thinks or says. It is not the answer or the "fix" for right now. There is no "just do this or that" that is going to help and until we get things figured out I am just going to have to set my own limits and let others deal with me, or not deal with me as the case usually is.
I think one of the hardest parts was having to endure people saying "hi, how are you?" and then walking right past me - never intending to wait to hear, or care how I was. For the few people that I thought might care, I really couldnt tell the truth anyway. It will really make me think about how I use that phrase in the future, and what mode my brain is in if I am going to ask that of someone else (which prob wont be for a long time since being around others lately only puts me in a complete panic most of the time).
In talking with a friend on Sunday/Monday, we may have come upon some "ah hah" moments that have led to my illness in these past several years and why it seems to be so much worse this year.
Recently Preston gave me a very long blessing, aside from losing my notes and my mind, the one thing I do remember from it was that I am to remember to "acknowledge His hand in all things".
Since it is highly unlikely that I will be attending church anytime soon, and even more unlikely that I would ever stand to say something, I thought maybe this could be the one place to voice the thoughts that have been in my head (in repeating, exacting detail) the last couple of weeks. Maybe it will be enough to just get it written down somewhere for me, and maybe for the future.
This 1st "ah hah" may be a good starting point for finding help for me and our family.....
On April 29, 20 years ago I made a choice - I was baptized. Mine was not one of those "golden" stories that you always hear about. In fact, it was extremely the opposite. The entire process and afterwards was filled with great loneliness, hardship and persecution from family and friends. There is very little that I even remember from that day, I know it happened and yet I have no real memories, it was like they were erased from my mind.
On April 28, 6 years ago, I made another choice - I became Aurora Baxter. Again, this experience was filled with great turmoil, lonelines, hardship, and persecution that was so severe that it (among some other things) led to permanently severing ties with some family members/friends. The entire process was very traumatic as I was trying to recover from a C-section and had a very frail,sick baby to care for.
I am not sure I have much to show for 20 years, or even 6, except for one very amazing thing -
My children are being raised in a gospel centered home.
My children are being raised in a home where we hold very high standards, morals, and values. My children are being raised in a home where there can be peace and light. My children are being raised in a home where they can leave the wickedness and confusion of the world on the front step and find refuge within the love of our home and family. My children are being raised in a home where they are safe from the persecution of their beliefs. Most importantly to me, my children are being raised in a home where they are being protected from other family members who would emotionally and physically hurt them.
If nothing else comes from these two choices - I can know that my children have been given the greatest gift and blessing of being raised in the safety, peace, and light of the gospel. That in itself is worth the pain and suffering I have endured. Just knowing that they are growing up in happiness and safety, being given the chance to enjoy their growing up years makes such a difference to me.
There is the real possibility that even though my brain does not consciously remember these dates and the events surrounding them, my body does - months in advance - throwing me into a stressed and emotional hibernation that only increases as these dates grow closer each year. There is a very real possibility that my subconscious and my body continue to sorrow over the trauma of these experiences (as well as other injuries) even though I have worked so hard to put those things away and not remember them on purpose. It is just a thought for now, but something that may make a difference in the direction I am able to take in the coming weeks and months.
A 2nd "ah hah" is the possibility that my body has again decided to reject another medication. I am waiting to hear from my dr office to see if I can get some questions answered and then work on some very hard decisions to find help. My body tends to not react normally to any medication. We have also discovered that my body tends to tolerate medications for a short time and then will suddenly reject them. This has usually shown up by me experiencing severe allergic reactions or extreme side effects. The severity of my condition may have been in part because the medication has built up to an extreme level in my system again, contributing to the extreme side effects it can cause. It will be a long process to see what we can find out and what the options are if we are at that point again.
A 3rd "ah hah" is that I need to find a new dr - even though we just changed dr offices last month. I have been given a referral to a new dr in albany, although we are not sure he is even accepting new patients. Another option is going to a dr who specializes in homeopathic options vs always medical ones. The concern with both of these choices is that they are both far away - Albany is 45 min and the other dr is in the Eugene area (90min+). The plus would be hoping to find someone new who will listen to me and try to help me work around all of the oddities my body tends to throw out and that most other dr's either choose to not to deal with or even try to help.
I guess that is all for now. It seems there is more that I wanted to write or say, but cant think of what they are. I guess if I wake up again tonight I will try and write stuff down then. Will maybe post as we gather new info or news.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
KAELI MEDICAL UPDATE
As many of you know, Kaeli has difficulties with allergy-induced asthma. Last week she gave us a good scare when she came home from school and had a heavy, wet cough and couldnt breathe. Thankfully we already have her "ER" meds on hand. It took 2 doses of her liquid albuterol to get things calmed down, and even then she had a really bad night.
Many of you also know that Kaeli gets nasty nose bleeds. Thankfully as she is getting older, she is learning to handle them more calmly. Along with her asthma going off the charts she had several heavy nosebleeds last week (along with Ky throwing up). We have a phone system that lets us use the phones as "walkie talkies" and she was able to "beep" me from ceana's phone to let me know she needed help. She had a couple in one night and then multiple days/nights after that. I was able to get upstairs and help her and get her settled back to bed calmly. This is much easier for both of us to handle vs last time when she woke up and then, not being all the way awake, searched the whole house for me while bleeding (through the whole house) - it was not fun clean up, besides that she was in hysterics that we couldnt get it stopped right away.
With all of these concerns I called and checked in with our dr office and talked with our cute nurse who agreed to squeeze kaeli in with colton's appt on friday. Sometimes I worry that I worry too much, that we are going to get down to the dr office for them to say nothing is wrong (like the girls "strep" virus on Easter). I am SO glad that I decided to take her down with us. Our dr was very concerned at how bad she was. Her lungs were very wet and not doing well. He sent us home with several prescriptions including 2 new albuterol inhalers, her daily disk inhaler AND prednisone - a heavy duty asthma med. He also sent us home with an antibiotic prescription to hang on to just in case the asthma decided to take a nose dive and turn into an infection or pnuemonia. Remember I said he is an angel. He took special time and care to make sure he checked her thoroughly, and to talk with her about everything she needed to do again.
In doing some thinking, we are supposing that the nosebleeds have been a combined result of the excessive heat we had last week and the allergies aggrivating her nasal membranes. She already drinks tons of water, but not sure how else to help her other than to continue to help her keep calm and how to take care of things when she does get them.
She has also been on a "timer" schedule with colton. The inhaler is every 4 hours, the disk inhaler 1x/day and the prednisone 1x/day. She also takes the liquid albuterol if none of those help (like she did a couple of nights ago) We found out on the first night that the prednisone had to be an AM med - the way she reacted to one of the side effects, it kept her awake for 12 straight hours - most of the night. Poor thing didnt get to sleep until 5am saturday. It has been a challenging learning experience. Thankfully Saturday was pretty quiet so she could rest as needed.
She took her inhaler with her to school today. I am hoping she has been allowed to keep it with her and take it every 4 hours. If she has had any concerns I will be making a phone call to the school tomorrow to make arrangements for her to have meds at school.
We are just waiting for a phone call back from our dr office to find out if/when we will need to make another follow up appt for both kaeli and colton and see if the meds have done their job this week.
It has been very tricky trying to coordinate and remember everyone's medications and staying on top of schedules. We are doing our best and hopefully the kids will make some good improvements this week with continued help and supervision. We will keep everyone posted if there are any changes or updates
Many of you also know that Kaeli gets nasty nose bleeds. Thankfully as she is getting older, she is learning to handle them more calmly. Along with her asthma going off the charts she had several heavy nosebleeds last week (along with Ky throwing up). We have a phone system that lets us use the phones as "walkie talkies" and she was able to "beep" me from ceana's phone to let me know she needed help. She had a couple in one night and then multiple days/nights after that. I was able to get upstairs and help her and get her settled back to bed calmly. This is much easier for both of us to handle vs last time when she woke up and then, not being all the way awake, searched the whole house for me while bleeding (through the whole house) - it was not fun clean up, besides that she was in hysterics that we couldnt get it stopped right away.
With all of these concerns I called and checked in with our dr office and talked with our cute nurse who agreed to squeeze kaeli in with colton's appt on friday. Sometimes I worry that I worry too much, that we are going to get down to the dr office for them to say nothing is wrong (like the girls "strep" virus on Easter). I am SO glad that I decided to take her down with us. Our dr was very concerned at how bad she was. Her lungs were very wet and not doing well. He sent us home with several prescriptions including 2 new albuterol inhalers, her daily disk inhaler AND prednisone - a heavy duty asthma med. He also sent us home with an antibiotic prescription to hang on to just in case the asthma decided to take a nose dive and turn into an infection or pnuemonia. Remember I said he is an angel. He took special time and care to make sure he checked her thoroughly, and to talk with her about everything she needed to do again.
In doing some thinking, we are supposing that the nosebleeds have been a combined result of the excessive heat we had last week and the allergies aggrivating her nasal membranes. She already drinks tons of water, but not sure how else to help her other than to continue to help her keep calm and how to take care of things when she does get them.
She has also been on a "timer" schedule with colton. The inhaler is every 4 hours, the disk inhaler 1x/day and the prednisone 1x/day. She also takes the liquid albuterol if none of those help (like she did a couple of nights ago) We found out on the first night that the prednisone had to be an AM med - the way she reacted to one of the side effects, it kept her awake for 12 straight hours - most of the night. Poor thing didnt get to sleep until 5am saturday. It has been a challenging learning experience. Thankfully Saturday was pretty quiet so she could rest as needed.
She took her inhaler with her to school today. I am hoping she has been allowed to keep it with her and take it every 4 hours. If she has had any concerns I will be making a phone call to the school tomorrow to make arrangements for her to have meds at school.
We are just waiting for a phone call back from our dr office to find out if/when we will need to make another follow up appt for both kaeli and colton and see if the meds have done their job this week.
It has been very tricky trying to coordinate and remember everyone's medications and staying on top of schedules. We are doing our best and hopefully the kids will make some good improvements this week with continued help and supervision. We will keep everyone posted if there are any changes or updates
COLTON MEDICAL UPDATE
About a 1 1/2 weeks ago I picked colton up from school to discover that he had ruptured his left eardrum. This is the 2nd rupture in a month. I called and checked in with our dr office and got permission to proceed with our regular drill and made a follow up appt for him. Our regular drill is antibiotic ear drops 3x/day for 5-7 days. Normally this is not a big deal, but this last week we have had to practically "hog tie" him to the couch to get his drops in. It has been really tough on both of us.
Not many of you know that that same week colton started his OT therapy. Unfortunately it is in Philomath - which is almost a 1 hour drive 1 direction. Last week we got to his appt to find out he got to play the whole time and his therapy session was for me. We have discovered that all of his testing came back with results that show a severe deficiency in the OT/sensory areas. Our session last week was for me to learn how to start and proceed with an intensive, every 2 hour, sensory therapy. Every 2 hrs (or as close as we can get to it) I do sensory therapy by literally brushing his skin with a special brush and then doing some small joint exercises. He doesnt seem to mind the exercies and was even telling the big girls what to do when we were needing to teach them to help. The major downside is the scheduling thing. I am having to check him out of school 45 minutes early to bring him home to do his exercises every day and if we go anywhere we need to take the brush with us (which we havent gotten the hang of yet)
The other challenge to his therapy is that right now we are scheduled at 2pm - so we are away from home 1pm-4pm - right when kiddos are coming home from school. We have had a hard time coming up with a plan, as everyone we could have help are also getting kids from school. We are going to try to see if we can get a new time slot - possibly missing school 1 day/week - or having preston meet us and watch Ky/Kels while I am with colton during his appts. We are still working on it, either option will present concerns.
Last Friday we went to colton's follow up appt. I am so glad we did, and scared we did too. We found out that he still has a very large hole in his left eardrum and it is still infected - even after being on antibiotics all week. We also found out that the right eardrum (which he ruptured again a month ago) also still has a hole in it. Thankfully it was not still infected, but it is still there. Our dr was very concerned that we need to take more drastic measures - surgery to repair the holes or trying for tubes again. I am going to need to contact our ENT up at OHSU to see if we can get colton in earlier than his June appt.
We also confirmed that his ruptures are allergy induced. We had a nasal spray for his allergies from colton's last appt - but he hasnt let me get anywhere near him with it. We brought it down with us for our dr to hopefully help colton and then hope we could have the same results at home. Our doctor really is an angel and a miracle worker - he sat right there in the office with colton and talked with him and was able to give him the meds with no problems at all! Thankfully, using the cues our dr gave us, I have been able to successfully give colton his nasal spray at home as well.
Our schedule is quickly filling up with listening to timers going off to remind us of which med colton needs when - nasal spray 1x/day, still antibiotic drops 3x/day, in BOTH ears again. OT exercises every 2-ish hours. I am thankful that the girls have been willing to help with things too, between all of us we are learning the new routine and working hard to make sure colton gets everything he needs.
I am not sure what the next few weeks/months will hold for colton's medical needs. I am hoping we will be able to find out soon about possibly scheduling his ENT appts/surgery. We will keep everyone posted
Not many of you know that that same week colton started his OT therapy. Unfortunately it is in Philomath - which is almost a 1 hour drive 1 direction. Last week we got to his appt to find out he got to play the whole time and his therapy session was for me. We have discovered that all of his testing came back with results that show a severe deficiency in the OT/sensory areas. Our session last week was for me to learn how to start and proceed with an intensive, every 2 hour, sensory therapy. Every 2 hrs (or as close as we can get to it) I do sensory therapy by literally brushing his skin with a special brush and then doing some small joint exercises. He doesnt seem to mind the exercies and was even telling the big girls what to do when we were needing to teach them to help. The major downside is the scheduling thing. I am having to check him out of school 45 minutes early to bring him home to do his exercises every day and if we go anywhere we need to take the brush with us (which we havent gotten the hang of yet)
The other challenge to his therapy is that right now we are scheduled at 2pm - so we are away from home 1pm-4pm - right when kiddos are coming home from school. We have had a hard time coming up with a plan, as everyone we could have help are also getting kids from school. We are going to try to see if we can get a new time slot - possibly missing school 1 day/week - or having preston meet us and watch Ky/Kels while I am with colton during his appts. We are still working on it, either option will present concerns.
Last Friday we went to colton's follow up appt. I am so glad we did, and scared we did too. We found out that he still has a very large hole in his left eardrum and it is still infected - even after being on antibiotics all week. We also found out that the right eardrum (which he ruptured again a month ago) also still has a hole in it. Thankfully it was not still infected, but it is still there. Our dr was very concerned that we need to take more drastic measures - surgery to repair the holes or trying for tubes again. I am going to need to contact our ENT up at OHSU to see if we can get colton in earlier than his June appt.
We also confirmed that his ruptures are allergy induced. We had a nasal spray for his allergies from colton's last appt - but he hasnt let me get anywhere near him with it. We brought it down with us for our dr to hopefully help colton and then hope we could have the same results at home. Our doctor really is an angel and a miracle worker - he sat right there in the office with colton and talked with him and was able to give him the meds with no problems at all! Thankfully, using the cues our dr gave us, I have been able to successfully give colton his nasal spray at home as well.
Our schedule is quickly filling up with listening to timers going off to remind us of which med colton needs when - nasal spray 1x/day, still antibiotic drops 3x/day, in BOTH ears again. OT exercises every 2-ish hours. I am thankful that the girls have been willing to help with things too, between all of us we are learning the new routine and working hard to make sure colton gets everything he needs.
I am not sure what the next few weeks/months will hold for colton's medical needs. I am hoping we will be able to find out soon about possibly scheduling his ENT appts/surgery. We will keep everyone posted
Saturday, April 18, 2009
PERSONAL JOURNAL ENTRY
How is it that even though the sun has been out and things seem to be so good all I can do is cry and feel like I am in a hole I can never climb out of...
today I attended stake women's conference. I was not feeling up to going at all, maybe I am thinking I should have just stayed home. Instead of feeling spiritually fed, I again left feeling spiritually condemned and with an even longer list of all the things I am not doing right or ever will. I flitted about not focusing on general conference for the same reasons. Every talk dug my hole deeper, every voice condemned and confirmed it would never be true for me....
After coming home today I went to bed and stayed there, no one cared or missed me. I came out 2x to help get kels settled and to bed. My only thoughts while holding her were that no one would miss me if I wasnt here and there is always someone else better to do all the things I am supposed to do, or can never do right.
All I am is a failure in everything I see, touch, try. I am only the slacker, the horrible nag, the selfish, ungrateful wretch. Nothing I do makes a single difference to anyone. The more I try the more I fail and I am just making the hole even deeper
I havent picked up my camera in 2 weeks and have no desire to do so. Even the Spring that is blooming all around me brings no joy or excitement to get it out. Sometimes I just wonder if I am just fooling myself that I even have anything to give with it. I know others out there who are amazing and I can never do what they do; what I do is so different that it seems to be drawing me away vs helping me move closer to others or any goals. When I get these next couple of shoots finished I think I am just going to set everything aside. Just one more thing I am failing at too.
This will prob be the last post for awhile or ever - not that it matters since no one really pays attention to it anyway. I know that is my fault too - all I ever do is whine or fuss and I know that people cant stand me because I have an extra big mouth and my brain is in a place no one else can or wants to understand. Polite conversation and invitation is just that, surface level. Friendships that could have been, will never be, because others have known me too long. They know what I have been, and apparently what I will always be. If that wasnt built then, why would it be extended or built now, other than just politeness with no intentions. Why would anyone read posts that are constantly negative blabber....guess what - no one will have to worry about that anymore since there wont be more posts
All I know is that no matter what I do I fail, no matter what church stuff is out there - it applies to everyone else but me. No matter what others say, if I warrant anything nice, is that my brain doesnt believe it. Knowing some things and feeling them are not the same. knowing them and believing them are not the same.
A couple of things today that were quoted by the guest speaker were
1) adversity, no matter how big or small, is big to the person it is happening to.
2) dont jump overboard, the storm will calm and the sun will come out.
To me, the little, tiniest things are enormous. My brain doesnt let me believe any of it. The storm has raged for months now and there has not been calm, there has been more storm. The hole gets deeper and blacker and the condemnation ever more real and threatening. The shroud just wraps tighter with no hope of any cracks. The enduring on just piles on more entries to the huge volumes of sin,wrong, mistakes, failures and stupidity that are being kept by angels who are so unfortunate to have to record my pitiful existence. The priesthood blessings float into nothingness both physically and spiritually because I have lost their words and any hope, belief or miniscule faith that might have gone with them.
The tears that flow, the anger and pride that wound, the sleep that never comes, the headaches that rage, the sugar that defeats, the bottomless blackness that gapes wide open - these are my constant world. The world no one does, or ever will understand. The world I am chained to even if the sun does come out. The world where I just go through the motions, each day doing little things that will never matter, that dont matter now. The world that doesnt let me have the strength, energy or desire to take on anything small, let alone anything that requires stability and responsibility. A world where all I seem to do is ask from and take from others, never able to give, never having anything worth giving. A world where I am alone because I have caused it to be that way. The world where lonlienss and pain and darkness are the punishment I deserve for being the way I am, the way it seems I will always be. The world where light hurts instead of helps, it wounds instead of heals. My world. My world.
today I attended stake women's conference. I was not feeling up to going at all, maybe I am thinking I should have just stayed home. Instead of feeling spiritually fed, I again left feeling spiritually condemned and with an even longer list of all the things I am not doing right or ever will. I flitted about not focusing on general conference for the same reasons. Every talk dug my hole deeper, every voice condemned and confirmed it would never be true for me....
After coming home today I went to bed and stayed there, no one cared or missed me. I came out 2x to help get kels settled and to bed. My only thoughts while holding her were that no one would miss me if I wasnt here and there is always someone else better to do all the things I am supposed to do, or can never do right.
All I am is a failure in everything I see, touch, try. I am only the slacker, the horrible nag, the selfish, ungrateful wretch. Nothing I do makes a single difference to anyone. The more I try the more I fail and I am just making the hole even deeper
I havent picked up my camera in 2 weeks and have no desire to do so. Even the Spring that is blooming all around me brings no joy or excitement to get it out. Sometimes I just wonder if I am just fooling myself that I even have anything to give with it. I know others out there who are amazing and I can never do what they do; what I do is so different that it seems to be drawing me away vs helping me move closer to others or any goals. When I get these next couple of shoots finished I think I am just going to set everything aside. Just one more thing I am failing at too.
This will prob be the last post for awhile or ever - not that it matters since no one really pays attention to it anyway. I know that is my fault too - all I ever do is whine or fuss and I know that people cant stand me because I have an extra big mouth and my brain is in a place no one else can or wants to understand. Polite conversation and invitation is just that, surface level. Friendships that could have been, will never be, because others have known me too long. They know what I have been, and apparently what I will always be. If that wasnt built then, why would it be extended or built now, other than just politeness with no intentions. Why would anyone read posts that are constantly negative blabber....guess what - no one will have to worry about that anymore since there wont be more posts
All I know is that no matter what I do I fail, no matter what church stuff is out there - it applies to everyone else but me. No matter what others say, if I warrant anything nice, is that my brain doesnt believe it. Knowing some things and feeling them are not the same. knowing them and believing them are not the same.
A couple of things today that were quoted by the guest speaker were
1) adversity, no matter how big or small, is big to the person it is happening to.
2) dont jump overboard, the storm will calm and the sun will come out.
To me, the little, tiniest things are enormous. My brain doesnt let me believe any of it. The storm has raged for months now and there has not been calm, there has been more storm. The hole gets deeper and blacker and the condemnation ever more real and threatening. The shroud just wraps tighter with no hope of any cracks. The enduring on just piles on more entries to the huge volumes of sin,wrong, mistakes, failures and stupidity that are being kept by angels who are so unfortunate to have to record my pitiful existence. The priesthood blessings float into nothingness both physically and spiritually because I have lost their words and any hope, belief or miniscule faith that might have gone with them.
The tears that flow, the anger and pride that wound, the sleep that never comes, the headaches that rage, the sugar that defeats, the bottomless blackness that gapes wide open - these are my constant world. The world no one does, or ever will understand. The world I am chained to even if the sun does come out. The world where I just go through the motions, each day doing little things that will never matter, that dont matter now. The world that doesnt let me have the strength, energy or desire to take on anything small, let alone anything that requires stability and responsibility. A world where all I seem to do is ask from and take from others, never able to give, never having anything worth giving. A world where I am alone because I have caused it to be that way. The world where lonlienss and pain and darkness are the punishment I deserve for being the way I am, the way it seems I will always be. The world where light hurts instead of helps, it wounds instead of heals. My world. My world.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
LOVE LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN
There really is something about living in a small town - you know just about everyone and they know you. Even business owners.
Our post office director just retired this month. She has been there since Kaeli and all the younger kids have been born. She was always excited about the kids' activities. She was always one to express thanx for something given to her and you knew that she was sincerely thankful for the gift as well as your friendship. She was one to never make me wait to pick up something until the PO was "officially" opened. She knew all of her customers on a first name basis. I will miss her and having her ask about all the kids and our adventures, and the other way around.
I love that when I go to get the mail I find a very sweet sympathy card and personal note from our vet and all of the staff at our the clinic. She was supposed to be in surgery, but instead she was there, waiting for me, with a hug and support that was sincere and heartfelt - even though most people would just say "they are only dumb chickens." She was ready and willing to give something more personal than just being too busy and sending an assistant to help out.
It is driving down a street and seeing people waving to each other no matter where you are or go in town. It is being able to walk into the grocery store, restaurant, or library and know that you are really known on a personal level, on a first name basis. It is being able to chat with the people that work in those places and know that you care about them and they really do care about you.
It is driving through town at 20mph and noticing all the beauty of the historic homes, the renovated historic district, the flowers and trees blooming in every yard and by the roadside, the children happily playing and squealing in the neighborhood park. It is watching horses run across a field of tall grass, and standing on the porch, listening to frogs and crickets chirping or watching geese in huge numbers fly across the sky right above you.
It is so much more than I could ever describe - you dont get that in the big cities.
Our post office director just retired this month. She has been there since Kaeli and all the younger kids have been born. She was always excited about the kids' activities. She was always one to express thanx for something given to her and you knew that she was sincerely thankful for the gift as well as your friendship. She was one to never make me wait to pick up something until the PO was "officially" opened. She knew all of her customers on a first name basis. I will miss her and having her ask about all the kids and our adventures, and the other way around.
I love that when I go to get the mail I find a very sweet sympathy card and personal note from our vet and all of the staff at our the clinic. She was supposed to be in surgery, but instead she was there, waiting for me, with a hug and support that was sincere and heartfelt - even though most people would just say "they are only dumb chickens." She was ready and willing to give something more personal than just being too busy and sending an assistant to help out.
It is driving down a street and seeing people waving to each other no matter where you are or go in town. It is being able to walk into the grocery store, restaurant, or library and know that you are really known on a personal level, on a first name basis. It is being able to chat with the people that work in those places and know that you care about them and they really do care about you.
It is driving through town at 20mph and noticing all the beauty of the historic homes, the renovated historic district, the flowers and trees blooming in every yard and by the roadside, the children happily playing and squealing in the neighborhood park. It is watching horses run across a field of tall grass, and standing on the porch, listening to frogs and crickets chirping or watching geese in huge numbers fly across the sky right above you.
It is so much more than I could ever describe - you dont get that in the big cities.
Monday, April 13, 2009
COMPUTER GEEK IN TRAINING
Our little miss has decided that she LOVES buttons - specifically computer buttons. When one of us is working on any of the computers, she will crawl in and pull herself up and then say "up" - what she really means is "I dont want you to hold me -I want you to get me closer to your computer so I can push all the buttons" and she gets very put out when we wont let her.
I finally remembered that we had kept an old keyboard for the kids in the playroom for when they went through this stage (though kels is much more involved with buttons than any of the other kids were). She has LOVED it and will sit forever and push and smash all of the buttons when she is sitting in her saucer chair or on the floor. However if one of us gets a laptop away from the office (say the library where she is playing) she will drop her keyboard in an instant to get to whoever has the one with the colorful picts....pretty funny
I told preston I know exactly what to get her for her birthday - a baby/toy laptop - I think they make those now - one that she can have all to herself that will have picts and colors and sounds. She is just getting a head start on building her "computer geek" skills - she fits right in this family!
I finally remembered that we had kept an old keyboard for the kids in the playroom for when they went through this stage (though kels is much more involved with buttons than any of the other kids were). She has LOVED it and will sit forever and push and smash all of the buttons when she is sitting in her saucer chair or on the floor. However if one of us gets a laptop away from the office (say the library where she is playing) she will drop her keyboard in an instant to get to whoever has the one with the colorful picts....pretty funny
I told preston I know exactly what to get her for her birthday - a baby/toy laptop - I think they make those now - one that she can have all to herself that will have picts and colors and sounds. She is just getting a head start on building her "computer geek" skills - she fits right in this family!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
MORE ADVENTURES
Well, our Easter Sunday started out much more adventurous than originally planned. Preston left early like usual for bishopbric meeting and everyone here slowly emerged to start getting ready.
The girls both came downstairs saying their throats hurt and they had been awake during the night because of it. I got a flashlight to take a look and found both the girls with throats an angry red color and covered with white spots - lovely. Kaeli is running a low grade fever and Ceana has swollen lymph nodes.
I called our dr office to find out my least favorite doctor was on call. Her only suggestion was to drive to the urgent care clinic (45min+ from us) and they would take care of us - end of conversation. There was nothing she could do for us. I felt more like there was nothing she would do for us. This has been our consistent experience with this particular dr and I was really missing our dr and the exceptional care he always gives. Just our luck that the kids always get sick on the weekends he isnt on call....
I went ahead and called the Mid Valley Hospital in Dallas (10 min drive) to see if they would see the girls even though we were not local patients. Thankfully they said yes. I called preston in the middle of meetings and asked him to swap me places to take the girls in to be checked. As soon as he got home I took the girls to the ER to see what we could find out. The staff there was very kind and friendly which will definately make me consider going to them again vs driving the other direction to corvallis for something that is minor if we cant get into our dr.
Lucky us, we got to go to the ER to be told the girls have a virus/allergies. The virus they have mimics strep throat in almost every way. The girls have also both got allergies going which is compounding the virus symptoms. The dr said we will just have to wait it out and try and just treat the girls' discomfort - fluids, tylenol, rest, allergy meds as needed. They are technically contagious, but not to the point it will keep them from school/activities.
By the time we arrived home it was too late for either Preston or I to try to get back for any meetings, so we are putting a low key lunch together and I guess we will all spend the rest of the day resting and just hanging out. Today is not turning out the way I thought it would. At least we have a quiet day for everyone to just rest though - our sundays dont usually allow for that.
Not quite the Easter Sunday we had planned on - but we will do the best we can and just be glad for the time to rest and to be together.
The girls both came downstairs saying their throats hurt and they had been awake during the night because of it. I got a flashlight to take a look and found both the girls with throats an angry red color and covered with white spots - lovely. Kaeli is running a low grade fever and Ceana has swollen lymph nodes.
I called our dr office to find out my least favorite doctor was on call. Her only suggestion was to drive to the urgent care clinic (45min+ from us) and they would take care of us - end of conversation. There was nothing she could do for us. I felt more like there was nothing she would do for us. This has been our consistent experience with this particular dr and I was really missing our dr and the exceptional care he always gives. Just our luck that the kids always get sick on the weekends he isnt on call....
I went ahead and called the Mid Valley Hospital in Dallas (10 min drive) to see if they would see the girls even though we were not local patients. Thankfully they said yes. I called preston in the middle of meetings and asked him to swap me places to take the girls in to be checked. As soon as he got home I took the girls to the ER to see what we could find out. The staff there was very kind and friendly which will definately make me consider going to them again vs driving the other direction to corvallis for something that is minor if we cant get into our dr.
Lucky us, we got to go to the ER to be told the girls have a virus/allergies. The virus they have mimics strep throat in almost every way. The girls have also both got allergies going which is compounding the virus symptoms. The dr said we will just have to wait it out and try and just treat the girls' discomfort - fluids, tylenol, rest, allergy meds as needed. They are technically contagious, but not to the point it will keep them from school/activities.
By the time we arrived home it was too late for either Preston or I to try to get back for any meetings, so we are putting a low key lunch together and I guess we will all spend the rest of the day resting and just hanging out. Today is not turning out the way I thought it would. At least we have a quiet day for everyone to just rest though - our sundays dont usually allow for that.
Not quite the Easter Sunday we had planned on - but we will do the best we can and just be glad for the time to rest and to be together.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
A TRAGIC LOSS
It has been a very difficult week since I arrived home from my mini vacation to SLC. The 3 youngest are still fighting illness and Ky/Kels just seem to be getting worse vs better....will give it a bit more time before I break down and call the dr office.
We had a culminating disaster a couple of days ago and I am just now getting to the point where I can write about it.
Many of you know that we have had extra pets in the house. Our sweet little chicks who have been with us for picts and just for fun. We found out recently because of city zoning that we were not going to be allowed to keep them and I have been trying to find homes for them since then. There are 2 of the chicks we wanted to keep as pets, as the kids have become especially attached to them and they were the 2 that seemed to get all of the attention and loves.
Chickens are great except for one thing - they can get stinky. We have tried hard to make sure their bucket is cleaned out every day but even then it has been a bit of a challenge. The other day was so beautiful that I decided to take them outside and let them have some sunshine and fresh air while I cleaned out their container and got clean food/water. The dogs were also outside - but the container is wide/deep enough to keep them out - or so I thought.
I went inside for 1 minute to get the chicks food and water to come back outside to find oreo INSIDE the container. He had killed 3 chicks outright, and our little Yellow Man and Mine were severely wounded. I was in total shock. I grabbed Oreo out of the box and locked him in the travel carrier. I then sunk to the deck and sobbed and sobbed. I held both Mine & Yellow Man in my hands and was really hysterical, apologizing to them over and over, knowing it was my fault that I had not done enough to protect them, never knowing I had put them in mortal danger. I just could not believe what was before my eyes. I knew that YM & Mine were both injured beyond repair but I could not help them. I sobbed and prayed ( not that that does any good at all anymore) and chewed oreo out and sobbed some more.
I knew that the chicks were hurting and that they needed help. The only thing I could think of was to call our vet and see if I could bring them in, knowing that they would probably need to be put to sleep. I called and they said to bring them in asap. I also called my friend Martha, still barely able to talk because I was sobbing, and she came and stayed with the kids while I went to the vet office.
I had been told that our vet was just going into surgery when I called, but when I arrived there she was in the lobby area, waiting for me to arrive. She looked at the chicks and gave me a hug, and confirmed what I suspected - that they were beyond saving. She took them back to the surgery area and I sat and waited, and sobbed some more. The vet assistant came out to tell me that one of the chicks had passed away quickly, but the other was having a harder time. I asked her if I could see them and she brought them out to me. It was Mine that was struggling, he was just still hanging on in spite of everything, he has been our little one to receive most of the extra love from the kids and esp colton. When the assistant brought them to me, it seemed that Mine had finally let go and had passed away too. She wanted to confirm that he was gone and took them both back away almost as quickly as she had brought them to me. She was back soon after that and said that Dr Laura confirmed that they were both gone. I cried some more and was wracked with guilt over their loss.
I was able to bring them back home with me and Martha agreed to stay with the little boys while I took care of the chicks. Many of you know we lost one of the chicks when we first got them, and had gone through the whole funeral process with the kids then. I went ahead and buried the rest of the chicks next to Speedy in our North flower/strawberry bed under the daffodils. 3 of the chicks were never given names and that was hard. I had a worse time with Mine and YM though and did everything I could to take my time with them. I cried and apologized more and held them longer. I eventually was able to bury them and make a stone marker for them that the kids could write on, if they chose to. I spent the rest of the day in shock and sadness and extreme fatigue from epending so much mental/emotional energy.
That afternoon I had to pull the big girls aside to tell them what happened. Ceana seemed to take it calmly - wanting to know what/how things happened. Kaeli cried, though thankfully not to the extent that I had anticipated. I was so proud of the girls that they were strong and asked good questions. We talked about things for awhile and then they each took a turn to go out and write something on the stone marker I had left. From there everyone seemed to work through things on their own, much better than expected.
Colton still asks me about the chicks, and I ask him his questions right back, hoping to have him answer his own question from all of the things we have tried to talk about and teach. He especially misses Mine, they were buddies, even if it was for such a short time.
It seems unfathomable that little chickens could touch our hearts in such a special way, but they did. They each had their own personalities and their own special features that set them apart from the others. My whole being was/is tormented with guilt for the hurt and death inflicted on them. Each time I think about things I cry. My "hole" has now become a bottomless pit that can never be escaped - the death of 5 innocent lives are my fault, even if they were chickies, they were still living beings who deserved protection and the best of care - not brutal, untimely deaths. Their sweet spirits are at peace, but I am not sure that my heart or spirit ever will be.
The girls asked about getting more chicks, which surprised me. We are not able to get anymore this season and I am going to have to seriously consider whether we will try again next year, even for portrait sittings. Knowing that they would be in danger from Oreo from the minute they would be here is too much for me to consider right now. I cannot go through this again myself, let alone put the kids through it. It has been a learning experience, yes, but the deep wounds inflicted on myself in the process is more than I can work through right now. Maybe next Spring I will feel differently - they say that time heals all wounds. We will have to wait and see when we get to that point.
We had a culminating disaster a couple of days ago and I am just now getting to the point where I can write about it.
Many of you know that we have had extra pets in the house. Our sweet little chicks who have been with us for picts and just for fun. We found out recently because of city zoning that we were not going to be allowed to keep them and I have been trying to find homes for them since then. There are 2 of the chicks we wanted to keep as pets, as the kids have become especially attached to them and they were the 2 that seemed to get all of the attention and loves.
Chickens are great except for one thing - they can get stinky. We have tried hard to make sure their bucket is cleaned out every day but even then it has been a bit of a challenge. The other day was so beautiful that I decided to take them outside and let them have some sunshine and fresh air while I cleaned out their container and got clean food/water. The dogs were also outside - but the container is wide/deep enough to keep them out - or so I thought.
I went inside for 1 minute to get the chicks food and water to come back outside to find oreo INSIDE the container. He had killed 3 chicks outright, and our little Yellow Man and Mine were severely wounded. I was in total shock. I grabbed Oreo out of the box and locked him in the travel carrier. I then sunk to the deck and sobbed and sobbed. I held both Mine & Yellow Man in my hands and was really hysterical, apologizing to them over and over, knowing it was my fault that I had not done enough to protect them, never knowing I had put them in mortal danger. I just could not believe what was before my eyes. I knew that YM & Mine were both injured beyond repair but I could not help them. I sobbed and prayed ( not that that does any good at all anymore) and chewed oreo out and sobbed some more.
I knew that the chicks were hurting and that they needed help. The only thing I could think of was to call our vet and see if I could bring them in, knowing that they would probably need to be put to sleep. I called and they said to bring them in asap. I also called my friend Martha, still barely able to talk because I was sobbing, and she came and stayed with the kids while I went to the vet office.
I had been told that our vet was just going into surgery when I called, but when I arrived there she was in the lobby area, waiting for me to arrive. She looked at the chicks and gave me a hug, and confirmed what I suspected - that they were beyond saving. She took them back to the surgery area and I sat and waited, and sobbed some more. The vet assistant came out to tell me that one of the chicks had passed away quickly, but the other was having a harder time. I asked her if I could see them and she brought them out to me. It was Mine that was struggling, he was just still hanging on in spite of everything, he has been our little one to receive most of the extra love from the kids and esp colton. When the assistant brought them to me, it seemed that Mine had finally let go and had passed away too. She wanted to confirm that he was gone and took them both back away almost as quickly as she had brought them to me. She was back soon after that and said that Dr Laura confirmed that they were both gone. I cried some more and was wracked with guilt over their loss.
I was able to bring them back home with me and Martha agreed to stay with the little boys while I took care of the chicks. Many of you know we lost one of the chicks when we first got them, and had gone through the whole funeral process with the kids then. I went ahead and buried the rest of the chicks next to Speedy in our North flower/strawberry bed under the daffodils. 3 of the chicks were never given names and that was hard. I had a worse time with Mine and YM though and did everything I could to take my time with them. I cried and apologized more and held them longer. I eventually was able to bury them and make a stone marker for them that the kids could write on, if they chose to. I spent the rest of the day in shock and sadness and extreme fatigue from epending so much mental/emotional energy.
That afternoon I had to pull the big girls aside to tell them what happened. Ceana seemed to take it calmly - wanting to know what/how things happened. Kaeli cried, though thankfully not to the extent that I had anticipated. I was so proud of the girls that they were strong and asked good questions. We talked about things for awhile and then they each took a turn to go out and write something on the stone marker I had left. From there everyone seemed to work through things on their own, much better than expected.
Colton still asks me about the chicks, and I ask him his questions right back, hoping to have him answer his own question from all of the things we have tried to talk about and teach. He especially misses Mine, they were buddies, even if it was for such a short time.
It seems unfathomable that little chickens could touch our hearts in such a special way, but they did. They each had their own personalities and their own special features that set them apart from the others. My whole being was/is tormented with guilt for the hurt and death inflicted on them. Each time I think about things I cry. My "hole" has now become a bottomless pit that can never be escaped - the death of 5 innocent lives are my fault, even if they were chickies, they were still living beings who deserved protection and the best of care - not brutal, untimely deaths. Their sweet spirits are at peace, but I am not sure that my heart or spirit ever will be.
The girls asked about getting more chicks, which surprised me. We are not able to get anymore this season and I am going to have to seriously consider whether we will try again next year, even for portrait sittings. Knowing that they would be in danger from Oreo from the minute they would be here is too much for me to consider right now. I cannot go through this again myself, let alone put the kids through it. It has been a learning experience, yes, but the deep wounds inflicted on myself in the process is more than I can work through right now. Maybe next Spring I will feel differently - they say that time heals all wounds. We will have to wait and see when we get to that point.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
SLC MINI VACATION DAY 5
Ok, remember how I said that adventure was going to be the theme of the trip because it started that way? Well, it also ended that way....
Monday morning dawned bright and stunningly beautiful - just my luck we were in the car and on the freeway during the entire sunrise....will have to remedy that in July....
Mom had made us both fruit smoothies for the drive and we chatted. She got me dropped off and I again said good-bye and made my way through security. Lines werent so long this time, though it was just as challenging.
I got down to the gate only to overhear the gal on the intercom announce that the flight would start boarding for some other state than Oregon - oh, no, not again I thought. I quickly checked with a couple other passengers around me to confirm what I had just heard - only to be re-assured that the adjoining gate was going there, not ours (16 vs 15) - dumb intercom - big whew!
We waited a bit, but I was glad to see my boarding pass put me in the first group boarding the plane instead of the last (like going from OR). I ended up sitting bewteen this cute young mother with her baby and an older "grandma". We enjoyed the flight together visiting about ourselves and our families. Thankfully the flight was uneventful.
After I got off the plane I made my way through the airport to the baggage claim service where I found my bags had been sent the day before. I lugged them out to the shuttle service stop and climbed on a bus. Thankful for the beautiful weather and that I was heading home - or so I thought.
Most of you know I have not done much flying in my life, so I really am clueless about most things, but you think I would at least know where I parked....but no. After 45 minutes, and 3 bus drivers, and 3 round trips to the airport and back to the parking lot, I FINALLY saw the truck and was able to get off the bus. The whole time my brain had remembered a #3 and parking by a lightpost - but I was between 7-8 and not by a lightpost at all!
After I finally got to truck I called my friend to drop off some baby things to her. She gave me directions, expecting a 30 minute drive to her house, I was off again. I did really well with the instructions until about 1/2 through when the road forked and I went the wrong way and ended up back on the freeway instead of in a residential area. I finally stopped and tried to determine where I was and where I should have been. Instead of wading through more directions, my friend agreed to meet me to swap stuff. Thanx J for being so paitent with me!
I finally called preston to let him know that I was on my way. I stopped quickly for food and gas and arrived home much later than expected.
Preston & I literally swapped places in the driveway as he was much later than expected at work and little boys were in need of attention and help. We still have sick kiddos here at home and life goes on as normal with chaos reigning daily. It seems like being in SLC went in the blink of an eye - almost as if it were a dream - and yet I know I was there and I have lots of photo work to keep me VERY busy in the next month to show for it.
For all the stress I went through worrying about sick kiddos and the crazy schedule and the girls needing to be in charge so much, I can say I did enjoy my time in SLC and the things I learned and the people I was able to spend time with. It is not an opportunity that comes very often and I hope that I will be able to use all of the new things I learned to help me with future photos and clients. The trip has hopefully helped me as a person to develop my talents and in turn be able to help me share them with others in a better way. It has also helped me be able to re-energize and be ready to take on all the new adventures as mom, wife and photographer.
Monday morning dawned bright and stunningly beautiful - just my luck we were in the car and on the freeway during the entire sunrise....will have to remedy that in July....
Mom had made us both fruit smoothies for the drive and we chatted. She got me dropped off and I again said good-bye and made my way through security. Lines werent so long this time, though it was just as challenging.
I got down to the gate only to overhear the gal on the intercom announce that the flight would start boarding for some other state than Oregon - oh, no, not again I thought. I quickly checked with a couple other passengers around me to confirm what I had just heard - only to be re-assured that the adjoining gate was going there, not ours (16 vs 15) - dumb intercom - big whew!
We waited a bit, but I was glad to see my boarding pass put me in the first group boarding the plane instead of the last (like going from OR). I ended up sitting bewteen this cute young mother with her baby and an older "grandma". We enjoyed the flight together visiting about ourselves and our families. Thankfully the flight was uneventful.
After I got off the plane I made my way through the airport to the baggage claim service where I found my bags had been sent the day before. I lugged them out to the shuttle service stop and climbed on a bus. Thankful for the beautiful weather and that I was heading home - or so I thought.
Most of you know I have not done much flying in my life, so I really am clueless about most things, but you think I would at least know where I parked....but no. After 45 minutes, and 3 bus drivers, and 3 round trips to the airport and back to the parking lot, I FINALLY saw the truck and was able to get off the bus. The whole time my brain had remembered a #3 and parking by a lightpost - but I was between 7-8 and not by a lightpost at all!
After I finally got to truck I called my friend to drop off some baby things to her. She gave me directions, expecting a 30 minute drive to her house, I was off again. I did really well with the instructions until about 1/2 through when the road forked and I went the wrong way and ended up back on the freeway instead of in a residential area. I finally stopped and tried to determine where I was and where I should have been. Instead of wading through more directions, my friend agreed to meet me to swap stuff. Thanx J for being so paitent with me!
I finally called preston to let him know that I was on my way. I stopped quickly for food and gas and arrived home much later than expected.
Preston & I literally swapped places in the driveway as he was much later than expected at work and little boys were in need of attention and help. We still have sick kiddos here at home and life goes on as normal with chaos reigning daily. It seems like being in SLC went in the blink of an eye - almost as if it were a dream - and yet I know I was there and I have lots of photo work to keep me VERY busy in the next month to show for it.
For all the stress I went through worrying about sick kiddos and the crazy schedule and the girls needing to be in charge so much, I can say I did enjoy my time in SLC and the things I learned and the people I was able to spend time with. It is not an opportunity that comes very often and I hope that I will be able to use all of the new things I learned to help me with future photos and clients. The trip has hopefully helped me as a person to develop my talents and in turn be able to help me share them with others in a better way. It has also helped me be able to re-energize and be ready to take on all the new adventures as mom, wife and photographer.
SLC MINI VACATION DAY 4
Sunday morning I woke to a casual time of just getting myself ready - that never happens. Mom had made a yummy breakfast (hot breakfast on a sunday morning?) and then we watched conference some more. Everyone (siblings/spouses) came over for AM session and dinner in between. It was fun to get to spend more time together and mom's baked Ziti is always fabulous. She is such an amazing cook and makes even simple things taste way better than I can ever make them!
During afternoon session my sis-in-law and I worked on a joint project. We are starting a business together we are going to call PHOTO CREATIONS. She makes darling hand-made scrap cards and I am supplying all the photos. We will also offer photo calendars, postcards, themed photo card sets, prints and esp client custom card sets. We are really excited about this new venture together as it will really showcase both of our talents and we will be able to share them with others. These picts are a little rough around the edges, but I thought I would share just a small sampling of what we will be offering. We are hoping to have the official blog up and running very soon with all the fun details.
After the afternoon session T&H helped me load up all my stuff to take me to the airport. We said all the good-byes and checked again to see if I could get my boarding pass printed - funny thing we never could.
During afternoon session my sis-in-law and I worked on a joint project. We are starting a business together we are going to call PHOTO CREATIONS. She makes darling hand-made scrap cards and I am supplying all the photos. We will also offer photo calendars, postcards, themed photo card sets, prints and esp client custom card sets. We are really excited about this new venture together as it will really showcase both of our talents and we will be able to share them with others. These picts are a little rough around the edges, but I thought I would share just a small sampling of what we will be offering. We are hoping to have the official blog up and running very soon with all the fun details.
After the afternoon session T&H helped me load up all my stuff to take me to the airport. We said all the good-byes and checked again to see if I could get my boarding pass printed - funny thing we never could.
When I got dropped off we tried for the Sky Cap that checks your luggage for you. I thought I was 2nd in a very short line, I quickly found out that I was not even in the very long line that stretched the whole other direction.
I went ahead and lugged everything into the airport and through check in myself. Dad had helped me fix up a duct tape handle to the extra box I had and I hauled that and my over-stuffed suitcase through the very long line to check in. When I got there, it still wouldnt let me print my boarding pass - weird. The airline gal said they issue the last 15 seat passengers at the gate. I asked her if that meant I wouldnt get a seat - she said no, they are just issued at the gate instead to be sure they dont overbook - ha! little did she know.
I dropped off luggage and proceeded through security with little struggle other than the VERY long lines of people and stuff. I had to pack and re-pack my laptop and camera bags so much this trip - so crazy!
When I got down to the flight gate I had gotten more than my share of exercise - southwest is the very LAST gate at the end of the airport. Again I waited in a very long line. I was now getting a bit anxious as I looked at the hundreds of people around me and watching the clock knowing it was getting close to boarding time and I STILL did not have a boarding pass.
By the time it was my turn, I got there only to be informed that the flight HAD been overbooked and would I be willing to fly to CA and then on to PDX? Uh, no, I'd really like the direct flight I paid for. The attendant walked away for a total of 20 SECONDS and when he came back I asked what the delay would be in going to CA first - only for him to tell me "never mind, that flight has just been overbooked too! WHAT? It really was pure chaos. He asked me to step aside and that I would be called back up to make further arrangements. I felt bad for the long line of people still behind me knowing they would be given the same treatment.
About 5 minutes later they came over the intercom to state that the confusion and extra people standing around was due to the overbooking and that the next available flight would be 830AM the NEXT morning. WHAT? I jumped on that quickly and was able to get a boarding pass and reimbursement voucher issued right then and there. All of this chaos had taken over 45 minutes from start to finish. I hurried and called mom and tried to explain to her what happened (WHAT? was her and everyone else's response too each time I had to repeat the story) and could someone please come back to the airport and come and get me. Mom sent Neil to the rescue, and I made my way back through the throngs of people (with my back & shoulders now pinched and hurting) carrying my laptop and camera bags slung over me to try to get back to the pick up location before Neil got there. With all the people and craziness I actually only waited a few minutes before Neil arrived. We chatted as we headed back to the house, both of us laughing and shaking our heads at the craziness of it all.
Both m&d, & N&B were gracious enough to welcome me back into their space and share some more yummy food (and Brit shared PJ's since everything I had brought went on to PDX without me). I also got the rare opportunity to sit and visit with all of Preston's Bentley aunts and uncles since they were there at the house for dinner/sibling pow wow. It was fun to hear them share things about their families and to be able to help share things about my family/Baxter side.
The rest of the evening was spent re-telling my story to all the siblings that we saw again or talked to and looking at flight plans for summer scheduling. Thanx dad for being so patient and for being such a big help with that!
I also did get a chance to talk with Preston & the kids - which was the first time we got to talk at all because of crazy schedules on both sides. It was good to hear all the kids and the fun things they had been doing while I was in SLC. It made me miss them even more though, knowing I should have been home with them. I was so thankful to know they were doing good and were safe, and so was I. It helped tons to think on that when I finally went to sleep.
SLC MINI VACATION DAY 3
OK, so I was trying to be efficient and see if I could get ONE post in order - instead I got it ALL mixed up. This post was supposed to go at the bottom...oh well...
After the photography shoot in Gardner Village Sat AM I went back to Preston's parents house. We watched conference, ate yummy food, and then ran some errands. One of our errands was to a fabric store. Preston's mom has made each of the kids a handmade quilt and bedding set. We went and found fabrics for kels's birthday quilt. I dont love sewing, but it was fun to pick out materials. I cant wait to see what mom & C come up with to get it finished. It will be perfect for Kels's new big bed. Another errand mom & I ran - multiple times (long story) was to a MWB gal who is also a photographer. She let us come to her house to see her home "studio" and to give some good tips about photography and working with a home studio setting. I think my next big savings goal is going to be for new lighting equipment, after we get advertising all squared away....It was great to see all the "techy" stuff she had and know that I will get there someday too.
After errands we watched more conference and worked on special projects. J was working on some beautiful jewelry, C was working on crocheted quilt pieces, and mom and I were working on cutting fabric for an African MWB project. Both Jac & I were stunned by the stories mom shared with us and what the fabric would be used for. We really dont realize how VERY wealthy we are in this country and how much we take for granted every day. I was so happy to be there to help mom, my little bit was a big help to her and hopefully will help another woman/baby in need.
Two family highlights of the day for me were:
1) Getting to do a maternity shoot for my cute sis-in-law and our cousin on the Bentley side of the family. They are both due just a few weeks apart and it was tons of fun to just play! Thanx girls (and hubbies) for letting me try this with you. This is just a small sample and there will be more to come on the photo blog in the next few weeks!
I love this shot and have seen it done with clothes and bare prego tummies. It is so sweet. Brit's black shirt made the perfect background for all the love her hands could hold.
Jess isnt nicknamed "sunshine" for nothing. Thanx Jess for being so patient with me - hope you had as much fun as I did!
Both hubbies were hanging around and I just couldnt resist getting them into as many picts as possible. We got lots of darling shots of the 4 of them as well as the couples. More to come soon!
2) Getting to be a part of the Baxter family tradition of an adult only dinner out after the priesthood session. Mom & dad had chosen an Aisan restaurant which many were concerned that they didnt think they would like anything. Let me tell you - we ALL left there so full I think we waddled out of there. I have not had Aisan food that good in a VERY long time. The restaurant is called the Aisan Star and I already told mom we HAVE to go there again when we are there in July. Everyone got to pick something off of the menu and then we all shared bites from every dish. We enjoyed a wonderful meal and even more wonderful company. It is a really great place to go with a big group - even with all of us (10) we still brought home FOUR boxes of leftovers. Lucky me, I got treated to one of those boxes the night before I flew out of SLC. :)
After the photography shoot in Gardner Village Sat AM I went back to Preston's parents house. We watched conference, ate yummy food, and then ran some errands. One of our errands was to a fabric store. Preston's mom has made each of the kids a handmade quilt and bedding set. We went and found fabrics for kels's birthday quilt. I dont love sewing, but it was fun to pick out materials. I cant wait to see what mom & C come up with to get it finished. It will be perfect for Kels's new big bed. Another errand mom & I ran - multiple times (long story) was to a MWB gal who is also a photographer. She let us come to her house to see her home "studio" and to give some good tips about photography and working with a home studio setting. I think my next big savings goal is going to be for new lighting equipment, after we get advertising all squared away....It was great to see all the "techy" stuff she had and know that I will get there someday too.
After errands we watched more conference and worked on special projects. J was working on some beautiful jewelry, C was working on crocheted quilt pieces, and mom and I were working on cutting fabric for an African MWB project. Both Jac & I were stunned by the stories mom shared with us and what the fabric would be used for. We really dont realize how VERY wealthy we are in this country and how much we take for granted every day. I was so happy to be there to help mom, my little bit was a big help to her and hopefully will help another woman/baby in need.
Two family highlights of the day for me were:
1) Getting to do a maternity shoot for my cute sis-in-law and our cousin on the Bentley side of the family. They are both due just a few weeks apart and it was tons of fun to just play! Thanx girls (and hubbies) for letting me try this with you. This is just a small sample and there will be more to come on the photo blog in the next few weeks!
I love this shot and have seen it done with clothes and bare prego tummies. It is so sweet. Brit's black shirt made the perfect background for all the love her hands could hold.
Jess isnt nicknamed "sunshine" for nothing. Thanx Jess for being so patient with me - hope you had as much fun as I did!
Both hubbies were hanging around and I just couldnt resist getting them into as many picts as possible. We got lots of darling shots of the 4 of them as well as the couples. More to come soon!
2) Getting to be a part of the Baxter family tradition of an adult only dinner out after the priesthood session. Mom & dad had chosen an Aisan restaurant which many were concerned that they didnt think they would like anything. Let me tell you - we ALL left there so full I think we waddled out of there. I have not had Aisan food that good in a VERY long time. The restaurant is called the Aisan Star and I already told mom we HAVE to go there again when we are there in July. Everyone got to pick something off of the menu and then we all shared bites from every dish. We enjoyed a wonderful meal and even more wonderful company. It is a really great place to go with a big group - even with all of us (10) we still brought home FOUR boxes of leftovers. Lucky me, I got treated to one of those boxes the night before I flew out of SLC. :)
Thanx again to mom & dad for treating us to such a fabulous meal and the wonderful night to just spend time together!
After we got back from dinner, everyone came back to mom & dad's for playing games. That was tons of fun because we were all tired enough to get very silly. It was the perfect end to a perfect night. Thanx tons to everyone who took extra time to come and spend at the house while I was there! Miss you already and cant wait to see you soon!
SLC MINI VACATION DAY 3 CONT....
Even with the cute models we had available to take picts of, I found myself wandering away from the group to capture the beauty around us. This is just a very small sample of the landscape photos that I took during our shoot time at Gardner Village.
This first pict is of a silk flower that was bright, hot fuscia pink. I was able to tweak it in Lightroom with one of my fave "actions" that gives an antique look. If you could see the 2 together you would be really amazed at the differences.
Again - my brain knows when a photo "screams" B&W or antique. This shot with the old wooden sleighs, the wood slat building and the light dusting of snow just hollered out loud to me. It really is so much more striking than the color photo.
I was amazed as I looked around to still see Spring trying to break through even in the middle of Winter weather. We had light to heavy snow through the whole shoot and it was FREEZING outside - and yet here was this pussy willow busy still blooming, still showing off its beauty. It was just breathtaking to me.
This first pict is of a silk flower that was bright, hot fuscia pink. I was able to tweak it in Lightroom with one of my fave "actions" that gives an antique look. If you could see the 2 together you would be really amazed at the differences.
Again - my brain knows when a photo "screams" B&W or antique. This shot with the old wooden sleighs, the wood slat building and the light dusting of snow just hollered out loud to me. It really is so much more striking than the color photo.
I was amazed as I looked around to still see Spring trying to break through even in the middle of Winter weather. We had light to heavy snow through the whole shoot and it was FREEZING outside - and yet here was this pussy willow busy still blooming, still showing off its beauty. It was just breathtaking to me.
SLC MINI VACATION DAY 3 CONT....
this is the cute brother/sister model team that came just for our special shoot. They were really great to be so patient with all of us taking turns taking their picts.They were esp tolerant of the 2 hour shoot in the snow and freezing weather!
many of you know Julia S and that she is also building a photography business. She was SO focused that I couldnt resist taking picts of her taking picts!
Kim H who also many of you know, is ALSO building a photography business. She and Julia had rented rockin' lenses for the day ( the spendy kind you can only afford to rent) and they both had a blast playing with all of their settings and the new lenses. It is funny to me to watch how many of us use unusual positions to get the shot. I laughed out loud when our shoot coordinator got down on her back, shooting out and up, to get the pict she wanted. It totally goes under that category "you know if you are a photographer if..." - I do that too - and it was fun to see other photographers doing whatever was needed to "get the shot".
many of you know Julia S and that she is also building a photography business. She was SO focused that I couldnt resist taking picts of her taking picts!
Kim H who also many of you know, is ALSO building a photography business. She and Julia had rented rockin' lenses for the day ( the spendy kind you can only afford to rent) and they both had a blast playing with all of their settings and the new lenses. It is funny to me to watch how many of us use unusual positions to get the shot. I laughed out loud when our shoot coordinator got down on her back, shooting out and up, to get the pict she wanted. It totally goes under that category "you know if you are a photographer if..." - I do that too - and it was fun to see other photographers doing whatever was needed to "get the shot".Julia & Kim, it was really good to get to see both of you and hear how well you are both doing! You guys are awesome photographers and I cant wait to see more picts from your SLC trip!
Monday, April 6, 2009
SLC MINI VACATION DAY 2
Friday I woke to it snowing HARD outside. I was surprised and a bit worried that the workshop shoot might be cancelled because of the weather. It was a quiet, lazy morning with just myself to get ready - not something that ever happens. I got a late start and it was kind of nice. I had lots of new places to go today and I am not the best driver in the world, besides having to drive in the weather, so dad offered to let me borrow his GPS. What a cool toy! Even when I made a mistake following its directions it just re-calculated and got me on track again. Pretty cool
My first stop was to visit a favorite aunt on the Bentley side. We went to lunch together and had a great visit. Thanx Aunt K for taking time for me! It was tons of fun to see you!
When I had first arrived it had not been snowing at all - by the time I left ( about an hour later) it was snowing big, fat, fluffy flakes - it felt like being inside of a snowglobe that has been shaken. Still unsure about getting to BYU for the photo session, not knowing if it was still on - I kicked on the GPS and was off again.
The description given by the workshop instructor was "a lovely place...where I do lots of my photo shoots" but when I arrived I would hardly call it lovely (ugly orange horse-shoe shaped building, muddy, weedy lot surrounded by cinder-block buildings with painted over grafitti in an older, industrial part of the city). I was sure I was in the wrong place until lots of other cars started showing up. I really wish I would have thought to take a pict of the shoot site - it definately was NOT what I was expecting.
The instructor gave some great beginning advice and instructions and then had everyone pair up and take picts of the ONE model she had provided and we took picts of each other. I found myself almost hysterically laughing as I took pictures of about 20 people with cameras as they descended "en masse" on the little model sitting/posing on the ground. I had kind of given up on getting any close ups so I enjoyed the time by taking picts of others taking picts.
One of the last instructions we were given was on how to take water reflection picts. There was this HUGE water/mud puddle on the site and with the cloudy skies it actually provided a pretty good light source to try for some picts. This was my attempt at capturing the tall tree and building behind it. Not so bad considering it was muddy water instead of clear
After the shoot we all headed to BYU for the PhotoShop lecture/presentation. I really learned a lot of small and simple things that I can hopefully now use with future photo session editing. I took tons of notes and I am hoping that will help jog my memory when I am ready to use them.
My first stop was to visit a favorite aunt on the Bentley side. We went to lunch together and had a great visit. Thanx Aunt K for taking time for me! It was tons of fun to see you!
When I had first arrived it had not been snowing at all - by the time I left ( about an hour later) it was snowing big, fat, fluffy flakes - it felt like being inside of a snowglobe that has been shaken. Still unsure about getting to BYU for the photo session, not knowing if it was still on - I kicked on the GPS and was off again.
The description given by the workshop instructor was "a lovely place...where I do lots of my photo shoots" but when I arrived I would hardly call it lovely (ugly orange horse-shoe shaped building, muddy, weedy lot surrounded by cinder-block buildings with painted over grafitti in an older, industrial part of the city). I was sure I was in the wrong place until lots of other cars started showing up. I really wish I would have thought to take a pict of the shoot site - it definately was NOT what I was expecting.
The instructor gave some great beginning advice and instructions and then had everyone pair up and take picts of the ONE model she had provided and we took picts of each other. I found myself almost hysterically laughing as I took pictures of about 20 people with cameras as they descended "en masse" on the little model sitting/posing on the ground. I had kind of given up on getting any close ups so I enjoyed the time by taking picts of others taking picts.
One of the last instructions we were given was on how to take water reflection picts. There was this HUGE water/mud puddle on the site and with the cloudy skies it actually provided a pretty good light source to try for some picts. This was my attempt at capturing the tall tree and building behind it. Not so bad considering it was muddy water instead of clear
After the shoot we all headed to BYU for the PhotoShop lecture/presentation. I really learned a lot of small and simple things that I can hopefully now use with future photo session editing. I took tons of notes and I am hoping that will help jog my memory when I am ready to use them.Overall I think that it was worth it to come, even for the small and simple instructions that should be very helpful and the opportunities it will hopefully provide as I continue to build my business.
After the workshop I met my cousin for dinner. We had tons of fun talking and enjoyed a yummy dinner. After dinner we ended up making a "spur of the moment" thought to go up and visit our grandmother - prob something I wouldnt have done on my own. We had a nice visit and I was able to show them both new picts of the kids and help brainstorm a picture wall that is still a "work in progress". It also gave me some good ideas of what I could do in the sitting room/studio here at home too.
By the time we all said "bye" it was way later than expected so N&B let me veg with them while we watched a show and then headed off to bed. It was a long, but constructive day.
SLC MINI VACATION DAY 1
As many of you know I was able to attend a photography workshop in SLC this past weekend. It has been full of adventure to say the least. I was so crazy busy with friends, family and the workshop that I didnt get any time to post - so I thought I would take some time now that I am back home and things are fairly quiet. As always - the posts are going to end up in reverse order but I will do my best to write in the details so it hopefully wont be too confusing :)
Before I left on Thursday morning I apologized to preston about a gazillion times for the condition of the house (major disaster) and the 2 little boys who were still fighting raging fevers & flu. The boys have been sick for almost a whole week and usually before I leave I make sure the house is sparkling....not this time though.....there just wasnt the time or energy to get things done with taking care of the boys and kels while everyone has been sick.
Because the boys were sick I got to attend my girls TMS Honor Roll Ceremony by myself. Both the girls made Grand Honor Roll this term - they both got straight A's - which they have both worked so hard for. I also was pleased and surprised to find out that they had both been involved in leadership groups such as WEB (where everyone belongs), Hands Are Not For Hurting, & G.R.E.A.T (gang resistance education and training) I knew some of the things that Ceana has been involved in but was surprised when Kaeli was also recognized as participating in the GREAT program. My girls just continue to amaze me with their diligence and hard work. They are a great blessing to me, and to others around them
After Little B had had enough of pictures we headed back to Preston's parents house and made a dinner plan - homemade smoothies (thanx Neil!) and Pizza Hut pizza with all the fixins (thanx Neil!) We had worn everyone out during the shoot so we ate pizza and watched the Food Channel and some other crazy tv shows. It was tons of fun to just sit and veg and enjoy yummy food and each other's company. Thanx tons to N&B for your kindness and hospitality during my stay!
Before I left on Thursday morning I apologized to preston about a gazillion times for the condition of the house (major disaster) and the 2 little boys who were still fighting raging fevers & flu. The boys have been sick for almost a whole week and usually before I leave I make sure the house is sparkling....not this time though.....there just wasnt the time or energy to get things done with taking care of the boys and kels while everyone has been sick.
Because the boys were sick I got to attend my girls TMS Honor Roll Ceremony by myself. Both the girls made Grand Honor Roll this term - they both got straight A's - which they have both worked so hard for. I also was pleased and surprised to find out that they had both been involved in leadership groups such as WEB (where everyone belongs), Hands Are Not For Hurting, & G.R.E.A.T (gang resistance education and training) I knew some of the things that Ceana has been involved in but was surprised when Kaeli was also recognized as participating in the GREAT program. My girls just continue to amaze me with their diligence and hard work. They are a great blessing to me, and to others around them
When I got to the airport I had quite the adventure - it would set the theme for my entire trip. Many of you know that I dont fly unless I absolutely have to - which means I am not familiar with all of the new rules and regulations. I had my laptop bag, my camera bag and a HUGE suitcase. I lugged everything through the check in lines and hadnt eaten so I decided to treat myself to a fruit smoothie - only to get to the security check in to be told I would have to toss it before going through - so much for breakfast and the $5 I spent on it....I then asked about what would need to go into the x-ray scan trays and was told "just my laptop"......not quite. By the time I was done they had sent me and my bags back and forth through security about 3x - they didnt mention that hardware like external hardrives, shoes, cell phones, keys, bulky sweaters also all needed to go through in the trays.
I was feeling a bit grumbly about my drink and feeling really dumb about all of the security stuff when I finally arrived at my gate. I didnt have to wait long before boarding and was up and on my way. As I was walking into the plane cabin I heard someone call my name - which was odd to me because I was by myself - or so I thought. I looked up to find a fellow photographer friend already on board! We were both surprised and even more so that she had the seat next to her available. It was a tender mercy for me to not have to fly alone. We chatted about photography and our families the whole flight. We were so chatty that the gentleman next to us asked another passenger to switch places with him - which ended up being ok because the woman who ended up sitting there talked with us the whole way too. It really made the flight go by quickly and much more enjoyable than just sitting on a plane feeling lonely.
When I arrived at the airport I lugged my bags & suitcase to the waiting area where my sis-in-law came to pick me up. We then went and picked up Preston's brother at the UofU campus. We decided the campus was a great place to start with their family pictures. Their little guy has not seen me for a very long time, but he didnt seem to mind that I was taking his pict and we got to know each other again by playing and just having fun together. I will be posting more of their family session on the photo blog in the next few weeks, so watch for more to come!
After Little B had had enough of pictures we headed back to Preston's parents house and made a dinner plan - homemade smoothies (thanx Neil!) and Pizza Hut pizza with all the fixins (thanx Neil!) We had worn everyone out during the shoot so we ate pizza and watched the Food Channel and some other crazy tv shows. It was tons of fun to just sit and veg and enjoy yummy food and each other's company. Thanx tons to N&B for your kindness and hospitality during my stay!
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