SEASONS OF LIFE

I have been doing alot of thinking about seasons this last week. The seasons always bring change - whether in the weather outside, or in our life. No matter what the season, there are always challenges and blessings.

This week has been significant concerning the emerging season of Spring, and the weather outside. February always teases - we have 60 degrees one day, and 27 the next. We have hail, thunder, lightning, heavy winds, black skies streaked with heavy rain all the way to the ground, brilliant blue skies with a sun so dazzling that you have to put on your sunglasses, and exquisite rainbows that take your breath away - all in the same hour! Welcome to Oregon! If you dont like the weather, just wait 5 minutes. Are you a bit confused about what season it really is? Give it a day or two...

It has been interesting to think about all the extreme changes in the weather, and also the extreme changes that often come in our life. I have been thinking specifically about several sisters I know. They all are in different seasons of life, those seasons are not always easy, but they can also bring great blessings.

One sister who is a dear friend is having a special birthday this year. She is in a time of life when all her kids are in school, and her time is her own to do whatever she chooses. Her husband works regular hours, even having 1 whole day off a week. Together they are re-establishing their relationship as sweethearts, time that has not been their own for a very long time. She is greatly blessed in this season to have time to serve, time to play, time to learn new skills, just lots of time. She also has the safety and security of raising their children with her husband by her side always to teach and guide and help every day. These things are true blessings. It is a very joyful season of life.

One sister also has lots of time on her hands. But she is finding it not so joyful. She has recently retired. She has mentioned that having all that time has been very difficult for her. She has always been an extra busy lady, and very involved in her work that focuses on serving and teaching others. Now she is at home, and having a hard time knowing how to fill all those extra hours and make her days feel worthwhile. It is a difficult season of life that will take much time to find the joy again.

Another sister spans several seasons. She has one child who will graduate and leave on a mission next year. She has a middle child who is also in high school. Then she has another child who is many years younger, and will be raised almost as an only child very soon. This sister is gung-ho about the coming changes and has an amazing "bring it on" attitude. She can't wait to see what all the new changes will bring, and is looking forward to the new seasons of life that are ahead of her. Unlike many people, she loves change.

Another sister is finding that life's changes are bringing heartache and challenges. She is in a season of life where she is losing close family members and parents. She is the child trying to care for the parents, and the arrangements, and taking all the responsibilities this time of life brings. It is a challening time with both joy and sadness. The greatest blessing in her life through this difficult time is her amazing husband and the strength that he is to her, and for her. Even in times of trial there is strength and peace because they have each other.

As our seasons of life change, so can our seasons of health also change. Often these seasons are long, difficult, heartbreaking and almost beyond what we can bear. These seasons also can bring great knowledge and blessings that may not be able to come any other way. Oftentimes, those blessings come in the service that others can give.
In the last week alone, we have been made aware of several friends and family members who are going through life threatening illnesses. As I attend the temple tomorrow, I will take each of them with me in my heart and in my prayers. I hope that in the coming weeks, and months, that I might be among those able to serve and bring comfort, friendship and relief.

As I have thought about these many others and their seasons of life, I have also pondered greatly on our own season. Where are we right now? Where have we been in recent weeks and months? Have I taken the time to look for the blessings, and to be grateful to those who have given service to me and to our family?
I know that right now we span many seasons - we have a missy who is now 16, as well as a missy who is almost 3, and kiddos in between. We will celebrate big birthdays this year - and with those birthdays come significant changes to our family's season of life. We fit in all of the circles, and often none of them. We are still in a season of health struggles, and may be there yet a very long time. We are in a season of sacrifice of time, energy, and choices. We often have waded through difficult seasons on our own, with no one to help or to turn to. We have also had to rely heavily on, and put trust in, health caregivers - darling nurses, attentive doctors and helpful medical assistants & specialists. Even during great trials, we have been greatly blessed by their kindness, patience and friendship, and by the wonderful care we have continued to receive.
In the last several weeks, both Colton and I have had pretty difficult appts. I have tried to show gratitude to those who have helped both of us through these extra long days. I have tried to be grateful for, and to find some understanding of, the lessons that have needed to be learned.

I know that I have often not been patient during these difficult times. Doubt and fear have often won over faith and trust. The seasons that have come and stayed have left me disheartened and exhausted. I continue to struggle with frustration, worry and weakness. My brain knows that we have come a long way, my heart doesnt always go along. I seek out blessings, maybe more often than I should, sometimes just needing to be told what to do because I just cant see the way anymore and cannot find the strength or energy to pursue anything constructive. I still give in to stress eating, esp at times when I am feeling most alone. I often cry because I am not strong or faithful. In the moment, and in the midst of the seasons' storms, it is often more than I can handle, and yet I feel guilty that I cannot seem to bear it even when I know that others bear far greater burdens than my own.

Each of us have seasons that are short or long, calm or stormy, where we drift or are carried. Each season brings change, often that change is not what we want, but may be exactly what we need. I am trying to seek out what it is that I need, and that our family needs. I am striving to be more grateful, more patient, more trusting. Just as the weather outside changes with each passing moment, so do the seasons of our life change in the blink of an eye. I am trying to be watchful for the rainbows and the dewdrops, and be patient through the times when the skies are dark and streaked with tears. I try to think of a quote a friend has on her wall - I know I wont get it exactly right, but I think it applies. It goes something like this - "Life is not about waiting out the storms, it is about learning to dance in the rain."
As life's seasons come and go, I am striving to find the courage to dance in the rain, and look for the sparkling skies, even if it only lasts a moment. The seasons of life bring change, and there can be beauty in every season, if we try to actively seek it. I hope that someday I can see it first, instead of only seeing the clouds and rain. I am learning. Someday I will, but for now, in our many seasons, it is a work in progress, and that is ok.

Late Birthday Posts - Ceana IV

All the girls got treated to a "pamper" party before the stake dance. Our friend did facials, and the girls did each other's hair and nails. We had quite the grand time with all of those girls in our master suite. They had a blast though and as you can see by the bottom image, all their hard work paid off :) Kaeli & Sabrina arent quite old enough yet to attend the stake dances so Preston treated the girls to a movie/treats "daddy-daughter" night. It was a great night for everyone.

Iron Infusion # 6

My last infusion appt was yesterday. It was rough going, even with the best nurse in the clinic helping.
I got there early and got both arms heat packed first thing. I have one vein in my left arm that we have hit several times. It came right to the surface, only to disappear when the needle went in. Try #1 was no good. Erin had left my other arm heat packed in the event we missed. She worked my arm over good, just trying to find a spot that would be good to go. She found one, but it went in and collapsed. Try #2 was no good, and Erin was done too. The rule on the floor is that each nurse only gets 2 attempts and then they have to turn it over to someone else.

They heat packed my arms again, and really cranked things up, and called in another nurse from the floor. All the while the sweet nurses from the clinic walking by with expectant looks on their faces, only to have them be as sad as I was that we hadnt gotten a line in yet.

Attempt #3 was made with a larger gauge needle with the hope to get it in to stay. It was very painful and ended up another failure. My other arm had remained in heat packs just in case. Attempt #4 was enough to make me about jump right out of the chair. The nurse had to keep digging a bit too. The vein froze up, but hoping it was actually in, they let it sit for a couple minutes and I tried to relax. Erin came back over to run the line, and the saline taste in my mouth told them it was probably good to go. Erin got everything hooked up, and even though it stung like crazy, it was in, and we went for the rest. All this took about 90 minutes to finally get things in place.

I was hoping to get some work done, but after the line ended up in my right arm, it was out of commission. I tried to read for awhile, but just couldnt concentrate. I have noticed this week that I have been extremely fatigued, sluggish, and that my brain has just been extra fuzzy. I was also freezing yesterday. Erin piled on the heated blankets and got me a pillow and I took a nap for about an hour - I have never done that before. I tried to read a bit, but just couldnt concentrate on anything. By 1230pm I was finally done. Both arms were very sore, and I am sure that they will be for awhile. It will be interesting to see what kind of bruises show up.

Thankfully I will get a little break from getting poked again. Dr Lee's medical assistant was in the clinic and I was able to check in with him about the plan for my labs and next appt. Dr Lee put my lab appt out until March 1 and my appt on March 7. This will give me a good couple of weeks to rest and recoup a bit before the lab draw - which is a big, difficult one. Another blessing came with the names of the best IV people in the lab from the clinic nurses. Brownwynn made a special trip to the lab just for me to make sure I had the names of the best people to help me next month.

It has been a very hard 6 weeks. I am hoping that all that I have been through will strengthen my weaknesses in many ways, and not just physically. I have been very blessed to have the most wonderful nurses and care during my appts. I have also gained a great empathy and understanding of those who have even greater health needs than I do. I wont know until next month what my labs look like. It will be a bit hard to wait, wondering and hoping that what I have been doing is making a difference. Patience is something else that I am trying to learn.

I am very thankful for all the amazing care I have received, but I know that I am also thankful to be done with appts. I will write again about medical etc after my other appts next month.

Iron Infusion # 4 & #5

I havent gotten a chance to post for awhile. Need to catch up on last couple of appts.

Two weeks ago, we got lucky. The hot packs helped my veins cooperate and the line went in on the first try. The trick was keeping it going while it was in. It started throbbing in my arm and the nurse had to disconnect and re-flush the line - which sent the taste of the saline directly to my mouth. It was very unexpected and not pleasant at all. She ended up adding another bag of saline to the line and running it slower. Once that was done, the rest was pretty uneventful. The one unexpected thing came after I got home - normally I bruise at the IV site itself. This time the bruising occurred where the throbbing had been so bad - totally away from the injection site. It was a fairly long bruise and when I showed it to the nurses last week they were very surprised. I continue to baffle them with all the odd occurrences I seem to have with everything.

I wish I could say that we had as easy of a time last week. Friday was Colton's birthday so we had him come down with me, thinking it would be a fun 2hrs to eat a yummy breakfast and play games. Our day didnt quite go according to plan though.
Preston came and got Colton to go get breakfast, thinking they would get back after my IV was in and going. When they got back, however, one attempt (with lidicaine) had been made and had failed. A 2nd try was made in my wrist, with a painful no go. During all this time, we tried to eat breakfast and start a game. By the 3rd try, though, I think that Preston & Colton had enough of watching me get poked and preston took him out to the waiting area to make some phone calls.
A long wait started again, with BOTH my arms hot packed with wet washcloths and heating pads and an extra nurse from the floor was called in.
When the hot packs came off, finally, one vein came to the surface. The new little nurse did a pretty quick job of things, again using the lidicaine, and got the line in and running clean.
By the time the line was in, we had gotten a surprise phone call from preston's parents that they had flown in early and were coming to get colton to go to lunch. Dad took Colton to lunch and then home, and mom stayed at the clinic with me. Preston went back to work, knowing he would be staying late because of how the morning went.
Things were pretty uneventful for remaining 2 hrs, other than needing and extra saline pouch and it seeming like it was taking forever. Mom & I just chatted and planned for the activities and menu for Colton's big day.
I think I really gave the gals a run for their money - 6hrs, 4 tries, 4 nurses, extra meds, etc made for a VERY long day for all of us.
I think that the nurses on staff, as well as myself, will be glad that this week is our final go of things (at least that is our hope) I have really caused so much concern each week for them, and rattled more than one nurse there in the clinic. I am not looking forward to my appt on Friday at all. Will just try to be prepared to do the best with what I have to take on and hope the rest of the weekend is more quiet.

Just a little PS - I havent written at all about my PT appts that started several weeks ago. My progress has been slow and painful. I was sent home this week with a portable electric stimulus machine to try to keep the pain levels more bearable between appts. I talked with my specialist again today about what the next plan will be. If he does not see considerable improvement in the next few weeks, x-rays, CT's and MRI's may be on the schedule. I am grateful that he is so kind and patient and that the cute gals on his staff are all wonderful. It makes things a lot easier knowing I have help and support when I need it. I will try to keep current on posts about PT etc, esp if I end up needing more in-depth tests run.