MOM...MOM...BUT MOM....

These are the words that greeted me from each of my little kiddos after I arrived home from the hospital late last night.

 

Do you remember the seagulls from Nemo? Instead of "mine" insert "mom" and you will have it about right. I couldn't keep up with all of them firing questions and comments at me (you would think they hadn't seen me in awhile…J) I tried to take time for Preston first, but it just didn't happen that way and the kids dominated my attention.

 

I have been away for 4 very long days, I couldn't deny any of them a thing. I took time to spend individual time with each of them. For Colton, it was trying to answer as he continued firing anxious questions at me about spending time with our best friend's family during Spring Break. For Ky it was listening to him tell about getting his green belt at class last night (could have a REALLY unpleasant conversation with the master about testing Ky with NONE of us there with him…) and also listening to him list off all the things he was going to spend his time doing during Spring Break (Wii, dad's IPOD were at the top of his list). For Caiden, it was just a 2 minute conversation (is this a Baxter guy thing, or just a guy thing in general?) about how he liked the CHS choir concert he went to with his sister. For Kelsianne, it was sitting on her bed with her reading some of her favorite alphabet books and then after "tucking her in" allowing her to interrupt my time with big sister so she could come in and give me a kiss. For Ceana, it was time listening to my girl be in complete hysterics again. Wish I knew what I could do to relieve or eliminate her stress/anxiety/panic these days. Although it hasn't really been days, it has been 6 long months….For Kaeli, it was holding her hair back, getting her cold washcloths, rubbing her back and stroking her hair as she continued to throw up until late….and then tucking her in on the couch with the laptop so she could yell for me if she needed help. I couldn't not help her. She has been a trooper in helping care for all of the other little people be sick. All of a sudden it was her turn, and no one to care for her. I was glad that I had arrived home to do that for her.

 

Of course, by the time I had gotten everyone settled for the night it was 11pm and Preston had long given up on me. I felt so bad that, again, that I had not been able to be there just for him….esp knowing that his schedule today wont let him be back home until the middle of the night tonight….maybe soon we will have some time….

 

Today has had its ups and downs. I had more nightmares during the night/early AM that, had I been wearing a heart monitor, would have set it to blaring. REM has continued to become more intense and nightmares a daily occurrence. I am very thankful to have an appointment soon to see my sleep specialist and talk with him about things. Will see what he has to say. I woke up feeling not rested in the slightest. I have also been very emotional today. It seems that I have not been able to handle a rational or calm conversation all day with bawling, which made all the phone calls today challenging. I spent 2/3 of the day on the phone fielding all sorts of medical calls. I have several new appointments on board, including a date for the consult with the radiology oncology team. That is going to be a monster appointment and will totally lay out what the plan will be for my radiation treatments. It is good to finally have it on the books. I also got a lot of questions answered from my oncologist about everything that happened over the weekend. I did apparently fall through the cracks somehow and was supposed to have been seen by oncology partner who was on call, but he never came. Not sure why, maybe because I wasn't his patient…I don't know. Anyway, I guess good things come from not good circumstances. That one thing has spurred me to find a PCP ASAP. Hoping I will get some good feedback from others as to recommends. I have one so far, hopefully will be able to find someone who will take me on with all of my history. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

 

This afternoon my new prescriptions were FINALLY filled. I guess our little town pharmacy got slammed today with needs and it was late this afternoon before they were ready. Nice thing about living in a small town is knowing people at local businesses. I got a huge hug from one of the assistants we have known for a long time and a sincere "how are you?". I also got personal assistance from one of the pharmacists about which heart/blood pressure monitor was right for me and detailed instructions about my new meds. I felt a lot better about things when we left the store (I say "we" because I had to have Ceana drive me, just not stable enough yet)

 

We did have one adventure added to our plate today that I was sure was going to lead us into disaster and another beast "cha-ching" – Ceana said that the beast was "chunking" and making strange sounds. Boy, she wasn't kidding. When we tried to get to the store, I thought for sure it was going to just fall apart in the middle of the road. I knew that we had to get my stuff from the store if we were going to end up being without a car again. We ran in and out of Bimart and then resigned ourselves to having the beast gone for repairs again. The owner of the shop was there himself and listened as I described what it was doing. His response was "Is it in 4 wheel drive?" Of course, I am clueless about such things and I told him with the beast it is never something that simple. He asked if he could take a quick look. He was back inside in literally 2 minutes. "Let me see what you think now" – I was blown away. We were still worried about the high pitched sound that he said he couldn't hear at all. We all got in and he drove it, clean and smooth as all get out and NO sound. Apparently the lights are burned out on the 4 wheel buttons just behind the steering wheel gearshift and somehow it had gotten bumped and we didn't know it. WHEW! It really was that simple. Where else than in a small town do you get that kind of help. I thanked him profusely, you have NO idea how thankful I was, and he happily sent us on our way. Wow! TM!

 

We also had our funnies for today. Just don't know what I would do without Kels and Ky and their funny, silly personalities right now. Grandma Goldie had popped in for a visit (of course she came while we were gone…sigh…) and had brought the kids her yummy brownies. Kaeli said that Goldie had brought brownies because "Part of being a Baxter is loving chocolate and brownies!" Of course, all the kiddos were clamoring to have one. I was in the kitchen when Kels asked if she could have a brownie. Me: "Have you had a brownie already?" Kels: "No". Me: "Let me see your teeth" (Grandma Goldie's brownies are gooey, chewy yumminess!) Upon seeing no stuck brownie I handed her one. She left the kitchen on the run and as she got around the corner to the library I heard "Wahoo, I got another brownie!" – which brought me running right behind her. She is such a stinker. When I questioned her again all I got was her closed eye, Cheshire cat grin. Did I mention she is SUCH a stinker? Did she get the brownie…yes….Now I can feel for the FB blurb Preston posted about a similar situation he had with her over cupcakes during the weekend. Little stinker…Ky is more of a sugar fiend than his sister because the master always teaches the student. I am not even sure if he tasted the brownie or not before he was asking me for another one. I told him it was just a taste and that one was more than enough (Grandma Goldie's brownies are also VERY rich…mmmm) I had not had mine, and as I was holding it on a napkin in the kitchen, with a wicked giggle he tried to dunk slam my hand holding the brownie. Did I mention he is our sugar fiend child? It was barely above his reach, and I teased him that he missed. Did I mention he is also our resident squirt? Then he threw back his head and cackled, all the while still trying to get to that brownie. It had turned into a game, and listening to him cackle brought the laughter that I very much needed again today. Did I mention that he is a stinker too?

 

We are laying low tonight as Preston is away, girls are going to TMS choir concert, Caiden and Kels still in different stages of feeling yucky still. Early dinner and bedtime sounds fine to me….