I have had a few recent experiences that have been on my mind. This post is really for me to journal so my brain doesnt forget - but feel free to keep reading.
Ky and I have started a new tradition - eating pancakes together just about every morning. Sounds ordinary - but with him nothing is ordinary. We take the boys to school and usually put Kels down for her AM nap when we get back home. I have been keeping homemade pancakes in the freezer because it seems to be a food my kids love no matter the time of day or night.
I get 2 out and put them in the microwave. When they are done I put butter and syrup on them and cut them into bite size pieces. Still sounds pretty normal huh? But this is where the unusual comes in. Ky and I then proceed into the library with milk and pancakes and we sit on the floor in the library in front of the fishtank. Ky sits on my lap and we share bites of pancake. He usually ends up eating most of the bites and is kind enough to let me have a couple :) We sit and laugh and talk and eat. It is precious time with him.
Yesterday I found out how precious this time is to him too. Yesterday we ran errands and stopped at the girls' school. When I was talking with a staff member she mentioned how cute Ky was and that she wished she had a treat for him. I told her it was ok she didnt because Ky & I were going home to make pancakes and that was our treat. Ky got so excited when he heard me say pancakes that he started singing a kind of song about going home to eat pancakes. He would almost shout - pancakes AND milk AND juice! He sang his own little song over and over changing the order of the words: pancakes AND milk AND juice - all the way home. It was pretty funny - esp considering he can partially say pancakes, he can say juice but he can't say milk at all - it usually comes out as a sort of grunt while he signs "milk". I laughed all the way home at how excited he was and at how cute his words are blending together to make sentences.
When we got home there was 1 package of pancakes left in the freezer. He impatiently waited while I got them ready and the minute they were done he grabbed his sippy cup of milk AND his sippy cup of juice in one arm and grabbed my pinky finger with the other hand and led me to the libary. I was surprised he didnt plop down in front of the fishtank like we usually do - but had me go over to our big overstuffed green rocking chair. I sat down and he climbed right up next to me. We sat and ate panckaes and when we were done he was off to his own adventures.
It really has become special time to both of us. Just quiet, one-on-one time. Truly precious moments.
Today has been a rough day with kiddos, everyone is feeling cooped up and everyone seems overtired and cranky - even Kels which is pretty rare. Even in all the mayhem today I found quiet time just with Kels. Part of taking that time has been trying to dispel the horrible images still in my head from a nightmare about her last night.
Kels has been extra fussy today - prob from not getting to bed on time last night and not sleeping so good either. While I was trying to console her I had her on my lap and just started singing silly songs like "row your boat, the wheels on the bus, and the itsy bitsy spider." It was fun to see her big smiles and even hear her giggle. The girls have noticed that when Kels is extra happy her mouth just hangs open - allowing that much more spit and slobber to escape - which seemed to make her giggle more at my reactions to getting slobbered on today. The other thing that seems to make her giggle is the fact that she can purposefully reach out and take hold of things now - including my hair, no matter how hard I try to keep it out of her reach. Today she thought it was extra funny to hear me say "ouch" as she grabbed fistfulls of my hair and I had to have Kaeli help me get her fingers untangled.
Today I took extra opportunities to just hold her close and play with her and sing to her.
It seems that every day she is bigger or that she has changed somehow. I just cannot believe that she is 5 months old already. The time flies away at an alarming rate these days. I wish I could make it stop - just hold onto these precious moments - and yet I know that as she grows and learns to do more those are the most precious moments too. I love each stage that each of the kids has gone through - and at the same time I am sad to see each stage pass. Moments like today with Kels are so precious. And yet these moments will just be in my memory and hopefully in my journal as I am writing more - kudos to keeping a blog! They are moments I wish I could capture with the camera to be able to look at for always. Moments that are so few.
Even on days like today when Ky has not stopped screaming all afternoon because he didnt get a nap and colton keeps bugging him, when the girls are scowling and grumping at me because I have been a tyrant about them not getting anything (homework or house jobs) done and it is now dinner time, when the boys' room looks like it has thrown up on itself and you cant see the floor for all the clothes and junk on it, when Caiden has twiddled away the whole day and hasnt helped with anything but cause trouble, when Kels has fussed more than she has been happy today, when I have not accomplished a single thing and the house looks worse now than when Preston left this afternoon - when all these things compile to drive me to insanity and tears, I can still look back and remember the precious moments with each of the kids. I can try to remember that those small moments of play or sharing pancakes are the most importants things I can do. I can try to find the good I am doing with and for the kids in teaching them responsibility and discipline. I can try to remember to keep my cool and use a soft voice when I want to scream as loud as the boys. I can try to remember that tomorrow will probably go better than today - hopefully. I can try to remember that I can try to do better tomorrow. I can marvel that the miracle of "forgive and forget" from my children is truly amazing and I can relish in the love and hugs that will come freely from them, and that it will come without residual hurt or anger from todays mishaps.
Every day with my kiddos is precious - whether we struggle or accomplish great things - I know it is all I have and I need to take note of every moment with them before they pass me by.
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