Love

Thanks, Kaeli, for finding this link!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYNOXRifXKQ&ob=av2e

111218 (Preston)

How embarrassing ... Secret Santa got missed again today. Maybe after reading through the post you'll understand though.

This morning Rory surprised us all by coming to Sacrament Meeting! We never thought that she would ever feel good enough 2 days after a chemo treatment, but apparently the combination of slightly less "medicine," tricks with ice, and new prescriptions are doing some good. I felt bad having to "run interference" against everyone who wanted to touch, hug, shake, or otherwise get too close to her tonight, but everybody was very glad to see her. And I think in many ways she was glad to be back. She started feeling sick again part-way through the meeting, so I whisked her back home after the first meeting.

She enjoyed some leftover potatoes and carrots, which were both soft but did require some chewing. It's nice that her mouth sores are not nearly as bad this cycle as they were last time, so she can eat "real food."

After church I took Caiden to home teach another family. He finished out the visits well, going 4-for-4 on lessons and 0-for-4 on prayers, which was his hope. He also scored some M&M's, which made him very happy.

My parents arrived at the house shortly after Caiden and I got back, and chaos reigned. It was AWESOME. For 30 minutes. That's when we packed mom & dad on to choir practice. The little kids were very worried because they thought grandma and grandpa were staying for a whole week, but were worried that they were already leaving! Choir went well, and mom got to sing Tenor on the Hallelujah! Chorus for the first time. If they aren't able to attend with us next week, at least they got to hear the music.

We tried to get computers and phones and emails and calendars set up for awhile, and then our home teacher stopped by. Rory's latest post was read in Relief Society today, and they were apparently sent over to collect what our favorite family recipes were, to find out what our kids WILL eat. It was probably the least structured, loudest, most chaotic, but perhaps the most productive home teaching visit we've ever had.

Uncle Sean got to the house and set to work making his gourmet hamburgers. Think what you will; I can say with certainty there IS such as thing as a gourmet hamburger. He and the girls and John prepared 10 pounds of meat (not all as patties) and included spices, oats, and who knows what else. Obviously it was very good because by the time I was able to get Rory up for some dinner, there was only one patty left for us to share. Kids had eaten several each, the missionaries (who most likely just came from a dinner appointment) were fed, and mom & dad took some on their way out the door. It's gonna be a GOOD few days of enjoying his cooking!

Got my dad, mom, Julie and Jo all set up on the calendar. Did some school training. Played with an iPhone (mostly unsuccessfully) for the first time. Revamped upcoming published schedules. Helped Rory eat some real food and participate with family time. Good day.

Unfortunately after all of that, we forgot to catch up on Secret Santa. Will have to remedy that situation tomorrow for sure.

Thanks to everyone for all the love, support, meals, cards, emails, and everything else. It's been amazing so far!

111216

Secret Santa Day 4: Candy-covered "Christmas tree" decoration. There were some wide-open eyes when that one was unwrapped!

Ceana was my accomplice again today, trying to get her some quiet work time. Unfortunately her time has been "squeezed" lately and she's quite a bit behind. Hopefully having fewer distractions was a help. She did get a major science test and a calculus (all are 2-day assignments each) lesson done, along with starting some English. I have a feeling I'm going to be the "bad guy" here soon when she wants to attend the next dance. I really hope she's able to get caught up before the New Year's Eve activity ...

Rory will have to report some of the details on her infusion experience. Apparently one of the medications (POISONS) caused some side-effects that were a bit unsettling for awhile. Good thing everyone there is so attentive and knowledgeable. The Dr. had ordered a 20% cut in the chemo dosage to try to reduce some of the severe effects felt this past cycle. I have been told that reduction does not reduce the effectiveness of the treatment, although it makes me wonder why it was so high then in the first place? The explanation seems to be they try to see what the body can handle, and adjust from cycle to cycle.

The evening was spent trying very hard to wear Rory out as thoroughly as possible. I talked her into attending the Live Nativity at the stake center, knowing it would require some walking around. After letting all 9 of the kids go (we had visitors) Rory and I started navigating the displays. Before we got to Isaiah I think she had talked to 4 people. Another family at Samuel the Lamanite. Long discussion at the Mary & Joseph reenactment. It went on this way THE WHOLE TIME. I think Rory loved every minute of it though, being able to chat with people and realize she was enjoying the cold air and just being part of the whole event. I literally (no kidding) had to drag her out of the church, away from conversations, because I could see she was worn out. Good times.

On the way home she asked if we could stop by the local "Christmas Castle" since we had visitors. I suggested a "drive through" but she had other ideas. The kids' mom got back from work at just that moment, so we all headed over to the local amazing display. Our neighbor spends weeks each winter transforming the front of his home and yard into display after display of electrical and mechanized Christmas decorations. There are nutcrackers (with guard shacks), huge garlands, trains, Disney characters, reindeer stalls, and TONS of lights. Tonight he was greeting visitors, as he usually does, with free candy canes. He also has fun trying to help guests guess which pieces are new each year. Tonight there was another visitor just down the street, a jolly older gentleman in a warm-looking red suit who was also greeting folks and handing out treats. Fun time of year.

Again, pictures for the evening will be forthcoming when Rory has a bit of energy. Maybe I'll hack her computer over the weekend if she's still down ...

After weeks of having her sleep rhythms disrupted, Rory went to bed about 9:30 and I suspect she might have actually gone to sleep. We're really hoping she can make it through the next couple of days with minimal discomfort (about the time the "real meds" are expected to last) and she has scheduled infusions of fluids and meds on both Monday and Wednesday next week. Glad my parents and brother-in-law are scheduled for visits, as we'll be needing their cooking, driving, and teaching skills for sure.

Having some fun while hanging in there ...

111215

Secret Santa Day 3: Wooden ornaments. How did he/she/they know that we didn't get very many of our ornaments out this year?

Ceana drove Rory to her Dr. appointment today, but apparently had a near-miss while out driving. Glad they are both OK, and I hope there were some lessons learned that will keep her safer in the future. While Rory was at her appointments, Ceana came to the office to get some homework done. The hope is that a quieter atmosphere will help her concentrate. Alas (or hurray!), Rory's appointments didn't last very long.

Good news though, her "counts" were marginal but adequate to go ahead with chemo tomorrow. The Dr. offered to wait a week, but Rory was pretty insistent on going ahead. We have lots of extra help in town this next week, so if she has to be sick then this coming week is the time for it! Better than being super-sick next weekend, over Christmas.

We got a surprise but much-appreciated dinner delivered tonight. Still trying to work out the bugs on using the calendar, but if there are "oops" moments it's nice to have too much help than not enough! We also had some elves come and work on our previously very pathetic looking front yard. Again, THANKS!

The night was capped off with Pack Meeting. After some awards the Cubmaster handed out some word games. The first was a list of words all translated as "Peace" but in different languages, and a separate list of the languages. The goal was to correctly match up as many words with their language as possible. Caiden and I got most of them, and it was interesting to find how many we guessed correctly based on their sound when read aloud. The second game was a word search of those same words. The next activity was to color placemats for the local "Meals On Wheels" delivery person, so all the scouts colored a winter scene on a large piece of paper. They all seemed to have great fun. The final activity / treat was decorating sugar cookies with various colors of frosting (thanks, Kaeli!), sprinkles, candies, and more. There were some rather "unique" creations! I copied pictures to Rory's computer so I'm guessing she will post some when she can.

By the time I got home Rory had the shopping list ready ... the list for everything to be cooked next week. It was too late to take anyone with me, so I got some "man shopping" done and in record time. :+)

The day went by way too fast; looking forward to a weekend. Oh wait ...

111214

Today I took Kaeli to her ortho appointment. We got a bit of a late start, so the "Driving Nazi" had a few choice comments during our time on the road. Unfortunately we got there a few minutes late so she didn't get any award tokens from their office. She did get a surprise at the end though: her next appointment will include getting a digital scan of all her teeth. They have started using a program to finish off the teeth straightening which includes sending a scan to a company in Texas, where they custom-bend the wires and fittings by robot and mail them up to the orthodontist. Apparently it cuts 40% of the time off of the treatment and typically gives better results.

Next we ran a few errands, dropping off gifts and picking up various things. Another stop at the department store for a few last gift items. One item was to replace the pitiful version I had "man purchased," and instead was to be replaced by someone with a "woman's eye" ... that would be Kaeli.

She did homework from the relative quiet (read: BORING) of my office, and did actually get a couple of unit tests completed. She had packed a nice lunch, most of which we brought back home since there were free leftovers in the kitchen. Sounds like I'll have Ceana with me the next two days, since she'll be driving Rory to her appointments. We had hoped she (Rory) would be feeling well enough by this point in the chemo cycle to drive herself, but she's still not confident in her energy levels to make the drive alone. Should work out fine for this week.

The big kids took themselves to the school music concerts while we fought to keep the little ones in bed. Kelsianne for one absolutely refuses to go to bed without Kaeli tucking her in. Anyway we thought it would be a good time to wrap a few presents since Rory had a bit of energy. So of course as soon as we've got everything all spread out on our bedroom floor, in walks Kylan. Usually turning off all the lights downstairs is a good "buffer" since he's afraid of the dark, but he sauntered in, ninja quiet, as if that were his own bedroom. Apparently they got naps today, which is why they aren't sleeping.

Rapid-fire food news:

Rory was feeling good enough that she decided to cook up pancakes for dinner. When I got home from work she was sitting on the floor; not sick, just wiped out and resting.

Secret Santa Day #2 was a tin full of oranges. Those are always a big hit at our house.

Got a quick visit from the RS President to share some ideas with Rory about making "Green Smoothies." We're also borrowing an industrial-sized blender from someone in the ward for awhile. Rory said, "We might end up investing in one of those eventually."

Another visitor from the ward stopped by tonight. He said he had heard a rumor that Rory liked cinnamon rolls, and he had a large tub of mini rolls for her. Actually, it was a tub of icing with some bits of cinnamon roll, but that's just how she likes them. He claimed "a little birdie" had given away her secret. Had a nice visit for awhile - thanks Brother G!

It was strange to hear Rory say that she really hopes her cell counts are good at tomorrow's lab tests so she can have her treatment on Friday. She WANTS to have chemo??? The schedule she's on now puts Christmas Day and upcoming baptism and birthdays on her "off" weekends, but if we end up skipping a week that could really mess up that little schedule. We'll know more tomorrow.

Hanging in there ...

111213

OK so this post is a day late, but I didn't intend to add anything for yesterday. Things seemed pretty quiet; assistant learning coach came over to help with little people school (for which Rory was VERY grateful), Rory continued struggles with soreness, and things were slow but normal-ish.

One Rory update though ... she did call the Dr. office and got some information about her mouth sores. Now that she has them, she'll probably get to keep them for the duration of the chemo. She's been running most of her food through the blender lately so she doesn't have to chew, and to make swallowing less painful. Hopefully we can slow down her weight loss, even though my family just started a new Biggest Loser contest. Anyway the Dr. had some good ideas of things to try, and a prescription mouth rinse if necessary. We'll have to see how things go next week.

The real reason I'm adding a post for yesterday is because of something that happened this morning. Rory is very security-conscious so I never bother trying to come in through the front door when I get home from work. When I go to the gym in the morning, though, I do use the front door. This morning I found two bags of presents outside on the porch. The accompanying card said, "Merry Christmas: We hope this season is full of happiness and joy - please find in these bags a present for each of the 12 days of Christmas. Please open the present with the correct number each day until Christmas Eve. Wishing only good things - with love - your Secret Santa." When I first read the card I thought the handwriting looked a lot like my sister's ... the one who is in ENGLAND. So if the Secret Santa is someone who reads this blog, rest assured that we have NO idea who you are. So although we opened two of the gifts on the 14th, the one for the 13th was a potted "Little Christmas Tree" plant in fancy wrapping paper.

111212

Short post by me tonight since I actually went to work, so I don't know much of what happened at home. Hopefully Rory will feel up to adding some details for the next few days.

The morning started with a mad scramble to get everyone ready for the three little ones to go to Grandma G's. The idea behind asking for childcare help is to give the big kids time for school; hope it worked out that way today. Caiden powered through 6 assignments (so far). Kaeli got a couple done and worked on a portfolio writing assignment. Ceana worked through the idea of shaving her head. (Idea was rebuffed ... hopefully she will be able to get some school stuff finished off tomorrow.)

Rory's sore tongue and mouth are still making eating difficult, so the blender is in high demand. Lots of smooties, blendered (is that a word?) soups, etc. It's important that Rory keep from getting dehydrated, and she needs to stop losing weight. But sharp pains whenever she chews or swallows kind of hinders that goal.

Anyway that's about all I have for today, not being home and in the middle of it all.

111211

We were / are hoping that Rory can attend Sacrament Meetings on the second week of the cycle, but no chance this week. She continues with the nausea, and now she's got mouth sores emerging. That's making it difficult to chew or swallow, which is making her dehydrated, etc. Vicious cycle. More on that later.

Church was fine for the rest of us, except that Kelsianne really didn't want to go to nursery today for some reason. I think Kaeli ended up going to nursery with her for the first hour, and then Kelsianne attended Young Women for the third hour. She's probably just going through one of those "stages" where she feels the need to argue and fight back against everything ... hopefully it passes soon.

Tithing Settlement season always means Bishop gets "slammed" on the last scheduled Sunday, and today was it. Between morning meetings, church, PPIs, planning sessions and then family interviews our bishop was literally in the building from 6:45am until 9:15 today. When we got to our TS appointment at 7:30 he was still in very good spirits - he's an amazing man.

Caiden went home teaching with me today since my companion had other commitments. This time, to avoid having to give the closing prayer at every stop, he agreed to prepare the lesson! He did a fine job, getting better with each visit (sorry Peytons if you feel gypped, knowing it got better as the day went on). We got back from the first appointment almost in time to eat before helping get someone set up on our public calendar and then running to choir. The Christmas Program is still being finalized, and Bishop wanted to pre-listen to a couple of the proposed numbers. Then we took Kaeli home and immediately left for HT #2, followed by another stop to get someone set up on the calendar, followed by HT #3, moved directly to our TS appointment, met with another calendar user, and then finally came home.

All this time poor Rory was NOT having a grand time. During one of my brief stop-ins at home she mentioned having back pain, the kind she recognizes as the onset of a kidney stone attack. I tried to convince her to call the on-call doctor to see if she is allowed to take heavy-duty pain meds on top of everything else she's going through. I guess that wouldn't have been the right thing to ask, since I think technically we're all supposed to throw away unused prescription medications when we're "done" with them, right? Anyway she did call, and the doctor thinks she should go to the ER "sooner rather than later" mostly because of concerns about her being dehydrated. Rory isn't too keen on that idea because she has heard that the ER staff won't use her port but would instead start their own IV. (She heard this before a little birdie said the same thing to me today.) She ended up taking a couple of Tylenol and got into a hot bath, which has apparently helped some.

Maybe a word or two about foods. I put together a few VERY pathetic-looking plates of cookies for our home teaching families. Thinking I could fill out the chocolate chip cookies I had made with some of Kaeli's cookies, I wasn't too worried about there only being 4-5 cookies per plate. But when I saw them, half-naked, when the kids brought them to church, we had to change plans. So HT #1 got most of what was going to be shared between all three families. (Good thing, too ... their boys destroyed the entire "full" plate before we even left the house!) Then during our brief stop at home another batch of cookies were baked and split between the remaining two plates. Those were definitely "man treat" offerings: no fancy plate (they were on plain white paper plates), no card (they got a name scribbled on the cellophane), no fancy bow (in fact the plastic wrap didn't even stay on ... should have pulled out the duct tape). I was almost embarrassed to hand out those "presents" but everyone was nice not to say anything about it.

While at TS, someone showed us how it is REALLY supposed to be done. A plate was given to us by a family in the ward, and it was piled MANY layers deep with several varieties of cookies. The fancy metal plate was well covered with wrap that was probably rated for nuclear fallout protection. All the cookies were perfect, colorful, and tasty (well, the one or two we tried). Caiden kept saying how funny he thought it was that we handed out three plates but got WAY more back on the one plate given to us.

We also had a stealth delivery tonight. A bit surprised when the doorbell rang so late, Ceana opened the door to find nobody there. Fortunately she looked around enough to see the plate of Rice Krispie treats. She reported that we "Just got Doorbell Ditched" but said she saw someone driving away. "What, you didn't run around the corner to try to get a license plate number? Where was your portable spotlight to get an accurate description of the perpetrators?" Apparently she was VERY worn out, because those lame jokes put her on the floor laughing. (She still laughs at my jokes, but loses control only when very tired.) The culprits did leave a note, although it only says "Don't worry NO milk." Guess that means Kelsianne can have one tomorrow.

Unfortunately Rory won't be eating any of them any time soon. Apparently "mouth sores" are a common side effect of the chemo, and she's got them on her mouth and tongue. As mentioned earlier this makes chewing anything very painful, and swallowing is a real chore. We're told they probably won't go away, but hopefully we can figure something out. Rory is already down 8 pounds since we started, and dehydration is a real concern. We've tried ice cream, jello, soft breads, even well-blended chicken noodle soup. Probably will be picking up several flavors of Ensure in the next day or so. She has stumbled across a website by Scott Hamilton, the Olympic ice skater, who is also a cancer survivor. This site has quite a few practical coping ideas for side effects of chemo, including these sores. So we'll probably also be trying some OTC spray or topical things to lessen the pain and hopefully help her be able to eat some "real" food and not have to resort to using a straw for everything.

Thanks to everyone's encouragement and well-wishes. Thanks to those offering to add to the calendar and contact the Relief Society. We've always been very private people who don't ever want to impose on anyone else, but we're learning that it's OK for others to help, especially for something as overwhelming and ominous as our current situation. Probably something everyone should learn, but hopefully not via the experiences we're having.

Another day of hanging in there ...

111210

'Tis the season for non-stop, non-stopping.

This morning was my company's traditional family movie day. They open the theater before the public open time, allowing CH2MHill employees and their families to have the theater to ourselves. The company also springs for a drink and popcorn for everyone who goes. This year I took 5 of the kids (Ceana decided to stay home) to see "Arthur Christmas." It was a fun show; probably one I'll have to watch again to catch more of the jokes, understand more of the British accents, and I'd just enjoy it again. Probably something to add to the Netflix queue. :+)

I had every intention of working from home this afternoon, but as usual, other, more pressing things conspired against me.

We did get a short visit by the Relief Society President bearing leftovers from last night's ward party. Someone was thinking ahead and used containers that could go straight into the freezer. Also got a visit from one of our nurse friends who spent some time with all the kids as well as Rory. We got her iPhone set up to view and edit our public calendar which led her to exclaim, "I'm so excited!" Most normal people might not have that reaction to gaining access to a calendar whose sole purpose is to communicate service needs ... thank you J!

A long-time family friend brought a huge pan of her famous, authentic Spanish lasagna (at least we think it's authentic ... sure doesn't taste like anything from a box!). Too bad Ceana had already left for the dance, because her best friend from all the way back in Kindergarten was helping deliver the food. Fun to watch the kids grow up; they change so much, but still retain some of what I remember from their "little kid" stage.

The evening was capped off with me having a date! Ceana has been involved in the planning and decorations for tonight's Winter Ball, and Rory agreed to let me take her over to the dance floor a bit early to be able to see the decorations and take some pictures:

They had set up a movie projector where "It's A Wonderful Life" will be playing (without sound), had an old-time popcorn machine, were offering to take couples photos, and more. Basically, lots of things for the kids to do who didn't want to dance, but everything was right there in the gym so they could stay together. Some of the leaders came in "theme costumes" from the 30's and 40's, including one brother in a sailor uniform. The kids are going to have a blast!

Rory decided we should test out the photo spot and asked someone to take our picture. She got uber-brave and had photos taken without her head scarf, but she did mention she wanted to think things over before publishing those. 

On the way home we picked up the mail and found a stack of letters from my sister who is in England. The kids will have a blast opening up cards from Aunt C. on Christmas morning. The ORCA Parent Association board members also sent a thoughtful letter and some gift certificates to kid-friendly food places like Papa Murphy's, Subway and Roth's. Every day we are overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness of people on our behalf.

While that 1-hour outing was good for Rory on many levels, she was really worn out by the time we got home. Hope maybe she sleeps better tonight because of it!

Still hanging in there ...

111209

Today was supposed to be more "normal" ...

Unfortunately Rory continues to experience discomfort and even unexpected symptoms. Last night she said her hair "hurt" so bad (it hasn't fallen out yet) that she wanted me to just cut it all off. It hurt when she rolled over on the pillow, it hurt when she got dressed, it hurt when the kids would even touch it. Unfortunately I knew that it was going to be extra painful for her, since when I cut mine off I used the electric razor and it was slow, and it HURT. And my head wasn't hurting already. So I tried to get as much as I could with the beard trimmer, then we quickly found that the regular electric was NOT going to work. Even touching her head with it caused her to flinch away. So I grabbed a couple of new disposable single blade razors and dug out some old shaving cream, and headed into the shower. Poor thing, even with the cream and going as slowly as I could she couldn't handle the pain enough to get it all shaved off. I know she's still bashful about her look, but I gotta say her head is BEAUTIFUL!

The nausea must be getting incrementally better, because she made it through the night without any meds. She did have to take one early this morning, but I think that was the only one.

I had intended to go down to the office this morning, and a neighbor had literally INSISTED on taking the little ones for the day and was going to stop by after dropping her kids at school. After some recent counsel we had not planned to use childcare today, but additional advice coupled with her insistence finally changed my mind. I really hate being in the middle of some of these decisions. Someone at work warned me of the loss of any semblance of control as we go through this ordeal, and wow is that ever the truth. I just hope I don't burn too many (any) bridges or ruin relationships along the way.

Anyway we were trying to get breakfast done and kids prepped for the day when Kylan decided to try another of his "power plays." Those who follow my Facebook might remember a post describing him sitting at the dinner table WAY past bedtime, until his dinner was finally eaten. Well, we had a similar situation this morning over a half a banana. When the kids get outright defiant and mouthy I tend to dig in as well. So it was a battle of wills ... and Kylan did not go with the others for the play date. Instead he sat at the table in front of a bowl with banana pieces for most of the morning. He knew he was making the choice to stay home. He knew that finishing meant he would go to the play date. So for over an hour I got work done on the computer while the three big kids worked on homework. From the other room Rory kept suggesting that I just let him go, or give him something else to eat. But my stubbornness would not give in ... he had been told to eat the banana before that cinnamon roll, but disobeyed and ate the roll first so there was no way he could be allowed to win this one. At all costs! Since all is fair in love and war, I of course couldn't leave it alone. First was the hot chocolate with marshmallow, slowly enjoyed at the table next to him. "I'll be happy to make a cup for you after you've decided to finish your breakfast." He was most certainly interested. Next came a bowl of Fritos. Third bribe attempt were a few fish sticks. Not only were they offered, but I brought them over and put them right in front of him, next to the banana bowl. I really don't play fair, but that kid is incredibly stubborn. (Not sure where he gets that from!) In the end, nothing I did turned him. Instead it was his inability to stop doing the bathroom dance. He managed to "save face" in that he never did eat the banana himself, but Ceana spoon-fed it to him. So as lunchtime rolled around he did get his hot chocolate, Fritos and fish sticks. Oh, and banana.

Let's just say that Rory won't be casting her "Father of the Year" vote with my name checked, based on this morning's activity.

By then it was too late for me to spend an hour to drive down to Corvallis, but fortunately I was able to get quite a bit done while still being here at home. Caiden got his stuff done and Kaeli made pretty good progress. So I guess there were other "good things" about me staying home today.

While all this was going on Rory slept off and on. We tried essential oils to help her aches and drowsiness. Checking in with her during the day she started talking about how much she hates the bed ... not the bed itself, but being stuck IN the bed. Mid-afternoon I was able to get her out to the couch to preview a bargain movie I picked up, the "Christmas Choir." She was still laying down, but at least she wasn't on the bed. She asked me to cut her fingernails (TMI) and she helped brainstorm some ideas for Christmas day. Her personal masseuse (may claim the title for this woman) came and did her pressure point therapy we affectionately refer to as Rory's "beating." But she drank her water and asked me to make an egg + bacon + cheese + tomato omelette. Glad she got something to eat finally. Not happy for her, that her stomach is protesting and she is going in now to pop a Zofran to try to keep dinner down.

Hope the big kids had fun at the Ward Christmas Party tonight. Haven't heard the highlights yet since Ceana immediately left to help do decorations for tomorrow's Winter Ball, and Kaeli disappeared as soon as she got home. But I suspect dinner was good, music was great, and the visit from "The Three Wise Guys" was a hit again. I kept Kylan and Kelsianne home to give the girls a bit of a break, and we had a blast playing "Hungry Hippos" and "Chutes and Ladders." It's nice to have that playroom put back together again so we can enjoy the space! And it's been clean for almost a whole week!

Tomorrow I'm going to HAVE to put in some time for work since we have a major deadline coming up and we'll have a few extra bills to take care of over the next few months. Really need to take advantage of the current availability for working overtime if I can. Probably means working some late nights and Saturdays when the girls are caught up on school. Perverse incentive for getting caught up - dad gets to stay at work longer and they get more babysitting hours. We'll make it work somehow.

Thanks again to those sending texts, emails, and other good vibes; we're saving those "extra" notes and messages to be read again during future weeks that will be similar to this one. Thanks, too, to those who keep asking what they can do to help. My standard answer is going to be to steer people to the public Google Calendar, where volunteers are welcome to sign up for whatever they feel they want to do, whenever they are available. It's a by-invitation-only calendar, so anyone local who's interested should shoot me an email. Happy to show folks how to use it.

3 weeks down, "only" 13 more to go. Hanging in there ...

111208

This morning started out with our planned "school activity" in Portland. There are designated CONTACT DAYS where teachers will set up special face-to-face activities, and Colton's teacher set up a ceramics trip. As always, ORCA events are open to the whole family, so I took the four youngest and we made the trip to Ceramicafe. It was a small shop in a strip mall, and they had set up art tables on their whole store floor. Each of the kids picked a mug (don't read this part, Grandma and Grandpa) and got to work with the ceramics paints using brushes, stencils, small squeeze tubes, grease pencils, and more. As you might imagine, each was incredibly "unique." They will be glazed and fired, and I'll pick them up sometime next week; still trying to figure out my work schedule, and when I'll be back in Portland. Grandma and Grandpa will act sufficiently surprised when they open those gifts on Christmas Eve! (I've already moved the photos over to Rory's computer, so hopefully she can post some of those when she's feeling up to it.)

Besides the art project it was just fun to be there with teachers and other students. Colton's teacher took him and Kylan around to introduce them to all the other students in the class. I'd say probably about 50 people showed up, and more were arriving as the first group of us were leaving. Lots of fun.

Rory had another really bad night and wasn't doing much better during the day, so I ended up staying home from work again. Had lots of phone calls and emails to dig through. Seems like every hour our schedule changes, and I'm fully in agreement with a co-worker who told me that when we went through a similar situation with his wife, one of the hardest parts was "losing all control of everything." We're at the whim of not only the disease, but the medications, doctors, and other internal and external help. It's certainly going to be a different holiday for us in so many ways, not the least of which will include not really knowing what we'll be doing from one day to the next. I seem to be doing my best to upset and offend everyone around without meaning to at all ... will definitely be asking lots of people for forgiveness if / when things ever calm down. Elizabeth is at the very top of that list ...

Caiden at least had some normalcy when a sweet neighbor picked him up for Scouts. He always comes back "bouncing off the walls" in good ways when he gets to go. Even being gone for half the day, he was able to get all his school done. Proud of him for that.

Kaeli made some good progress today, too. She finally realized that her health class wasn't actually THAT hard, and got 3 or 4 days worth all done. I think there was a Language Arts or two finished, plus she finally realizes that she "gets" this unit of math and is actually still working on her unit test at 10:06pm. She is a trooper here at home ... as seems to be the norm, when I left for a CERT meeting and Ceana was also gone tonight, the little kids hit "the wall" and she had to deal with the meltdown. Plus she did some baking to help with Rory's cravings for fish sticks and cinnamon rolls, and STILL finished a big portfolio project for school. Definitely a day of great progress even in the face of stiff resistance.

Ceana celebrated her "6 month anniversary" (must be a girl thing) by receiving a flower and then having a night out with John. She's been looking forward to it for a long time, and I assume they had a good time since they went to one of our favorite restaurants. :+)

As always, we hope tomorrow will be better than today for Rory. Still "hanging in there" ...

Rory Update

Even though I am barely able to sit up, I feel strongly that I need to add to the journaling that Preston has been working so hard to keep up on.

His post a few days ago was very true. Things since Friday chemo have been more than rough, they have been miserable and scary.

Friday afternoon and evening saw me able to help care for kiddos just because Heavenly Father continues to answer prayers of the heart and sends such tender mercies. That night saw me already feeling strong physical side effects of the chemo meds. Saturday, I was so extra thankful for Sis SF and Sis AB for their willingness to serve. I knew I was too fatigued and starting to be too ill to drive myself or care for kiddos while Preston and big kids needed to be away. It broke my heart that I was already too sick and had to miss his big unit holiday concert. I was ever grateful that these 2 sisters were willing to serve so selflessly. I was also grateful to my sis-in-law who decided to come and gather up my kiddos a night early to stay with them.

By Sunday I was out for the count. The IV meds had finally worn off and I spent the day trying to manage the pain and extreme nausea with prescriptions that had been filled, but werent working. Middle of the night I lost the battle and ended up throwing up multiple times and Preston called for me Monday early to try to reach on-call Dr. to get extra help. Unfortunately, the extra help didn't come until late Monday afternoon. I spent the day in agonizing pain and overwheming nausea as we waited for a window to get into the infusion center. By the time we left, I could not stand on my own, I could not even hold my head up. We left in the midst of little ones being returned from sis-in-law, leaving the big girls to try to handle all the little people as Preston tried to get me back down to the hospital.

 

 

When we arrived, I was so sick, all I could do was literally lay on the floor of the waiting room. It was cold, and offered some relief from the extreme temperature swings I was having. Thankfully, my nurse was on the floor, and did her best to get me comfy as quickly as possible. I ended up needing extra fluids and heavy anti-nausea meds again. They were able to get me stable enough to let me go home, where I got a bath and went right back to bed.

Tues, thankfully, the IV meds held steady. I was completely flat down, but I was able to hold down food, even though at this point I really have to force myself to eat. Everything tastes wrong and it is difficult to eat as body and mouth become more sore. The complete fatigue continues to astound me. It is unfathomable that even the tiniest task can become so monumental...and yet, it is. I was grateful to sisters who came with meals and extra helping hands last night when all I could do was lay on the couch and was even too tired to cry the tears that are wanting to pour out. Preston was with my big girls at an extra special YW night, and I was laying on the couch not able to help Caiden help his siblings with even the little dinner things. Sis S brought a wonderful meal in and was so very kind. Sis B came to help me, and stayed to help Caiden get dinner to little ones and alleviate his anxiety. He has tried to do his very best, but he is still just 11 too...She understood that, and her timing couldnt have been more perfect. Thank you, my friend.

By last night I found the IV meds waning, and I spent a completely sleepless night trying to get high carb foods and meds to work. Nothing seemed to make any difference until about 430am when extra heavy med started to work. I have spent the day in bed, with IV meds completely out of my system and feeling the nausea and pain increase with each hour. I am so grateful to my girls and my cell phone to be able to ask for their help when all I could do was text them to come to me. I barely held down food, and script meds didn't hold at all. By early afternoon I thought for sure I was going to end up having Ceana drive me back down to the hospital. Again, Heavenly Father sent tender mercies as I hung over the side of the tub trying to get warm and trying to keep food down. He slowly settled my tummy and lavender and peppermint oils worked to calm my nerves. I think I may have experienced a slight intolerance to a med today, though, and that concerns me greatly. I had a harder time after taking the med, and that is not good. Will have to discuss it with Dr. office tomorrow if I can make calls ok...

Today, as I have been unable to help my girls, or help my little ones, I have worried at the weight they are all bearing. The big girls are trying to stay up on school work, and care for little ones. When younger siblings and house need attention, school seems to be on the losing end of the day's priorities. They are being asked to be the extra moms, and yet still being asked to complete their responsibilities as students....Preston is trying to do his work and help kids with school work from his office. He is still trying to balance days that he is even in the Corvallis office vs the Portland office as work deadlines loom closer and the heat is turned up in what he is asked to do. He ended up taking Monday completely off because I was so sick, and he is taking a special day to take little ones to a special school fieldtrip tomorrow. He is also trying to balance unit military duties, bishopric, and helping with housework when he is at home. He is also trying to protect me from all of the outside calendaring snafus and such that seem to be unraveling faster than can be resolved.

 

 

It breaks my heart that it seems that we have already worn out offers of help from others. I am not sure what that is going to mean for Preston and the girls if we do end up having to bear these remaining months on our own. They are doing so much more than is ever seen by others, so much more than should be asked of them, to make up for me being unable to fulfill my roles right now. I know hard things will make us stronger, but I wonder if we bear this alone, if we will end up broken. We are here on our own, without family, who would be here if they could. This is an overwhelming thing to take on, and yet we have been asked to take it. It is only the 2nd set of things. We still have 6 more to go, plus surgery. Yet, already, we may be all on our own. My heart hurts that our family circumstances are too much of a burden for others. All we can do is leave things to Heavenly Father, and hope that He will help us fill needs that we cannot fill ourselves. That we will be strengthened to bear what is needed and that He will keep us from breaking....

111207

Seems like it was a relatively quiet day for the family. Probably a bad omen ...

So Caiden called several times and got everything done for school in relatively short order. The girls are both going to be further behind. Not really sure how to remedy that yet, especially since Ceana is planning dates, dinners, and dances every night for the rest of the week. I know I should probably re-establish the rules about not getting to do "social stuff" when school is behind, but I don't have the heart to bring it up given everything that's going on. I'm guessing that rule will have to kick in again after the holidays ... and after she's spent said holidays getting caught up on school again. The girls had little kiddos to deal with after lunch, so that certainly explains the dramatic dropoff in school accomplishment.

All that said, I really don't know how we could possibly be coping with medical stuff as a family if the kids were still in "traditional" school. We were looking for flexibility, and are certainly glad to have it now. Only we're not using it the way we had hoped (field trips, family outings, OMSI, etc).

Tonight Rory realized there are changes in the outside help schedule and is convinced she did something wrong that has caused the changes. Of course that's not the case, we're just "tweaking" the calendar. A lot. Although my parents were hoping for something other than concentrating on schoolwork when they come to visit, that's just not gonna happen. Thankfully they will "roll with it" and things will be fine. Now if I can just convince Rory that things will be OK, maybe along the way I'll convince myself.

Rory update: no reports of vomiting (good thing) although she did have a very rough night. When I woke up at 2:30 she was out watching a movie. She did report sleeping from 4:30 to 12:30 though. Thanks S for taking the little ones this morning!!! She also tells me her "hair hurts" which I suspect means she is close to acquiring my hairstyle (not necessarily a good thing).

More updates tomorrow ...

111206

So I got to thinking I should post more often, especially when Rory is sort of out of commission, so she can know how things have been going. I've never been much good at official "journaling" so this little exercise will be both difficult and good for me.

Since I ended up taking the day off from work on Monday, Tuesday was the first "real" day of the second complete cycle for Rory. C came and took the little kids away for a few hours in the morning, with the intent that it would free up the big kids to get some school done. Sounds like Kylan had a great time doing some school activities with her, and all three of them absolutely LOVE going over to her house. Thank you thank you thank you!

Unfortunately it sounds like that time might not have been used 100% as intended at home, but I can't really fault the girls too much for that. When Ceana gets overstressed she doesn't function very well doing school, but instead starts cleaning stuff. Thank goodness someone else had already taken care of the playroom or we might not have seen Ceana for the rest of the day. She did work on everything else downstairs though.

Kaeli is still bumping up against being 40 lessons behind, but she often bears the brunt of the childcare needs when little ones ARE home. Probably going to have to set up a check-in-by-phone schedule to keep her on task when I can't be there. I am glad that Caiden seems to be keeping up fine.

I did get to see Rory for just a few minutes in the morning before she went back to bed. I'm guessing the nausea is still too much to handle without medications, which in turn knock her out cold. I didn't hear from her at all during the day, so hopefully that means she was resting. Hopefully it also means the meds did enough to suppress the urge to vomit so she didn't feel the need to call for a ride back to the hospital like we did on Monday. If that's the case, then she might be "over the hump" towards having some good days again by next week. Hopefully (theme of this paragraph) that's the case.

In the evening I was honored to attend "Young Women in Excellence" night. All of the girls were completely decked out in formal dresses, had their hair and makeup done by sisters in the ward, and were "introduced" one at a time pageant-style while they walked (or "teetered" as some are not used to high heels) in through a decorated lattice arch and down a red carpet. The descriptions of each girl were perfect, and gave every one of them a well-deserved moment in the spotlight. We were then treated to a video presentation of things they had done during the year, such as girls camp, other activities, videoes showing off their various talents, and more. Pieces of "interviews" with the girls talking about the Young Women program, importance of the Temple, testimonies of Joseph Smith and the Savior were all awesome. I assume / hope that they make copies available. After a brief word from Brother McCallister we gorged on decadent chocolate and other sugared treats. VERY cool night; really wish Rory could have been there to share in it all.

Thanks again to those who continue to bring meals. I realize it's a sacrifice for people to help our large family, and know we're already a strain on ward and family members. I'll be trying to reduce some of those pressures. Unfortunately I think that means more pressure on the girls, and Kaeli especially. When other kids are taking their 2-week holiday break from school, and when her grandparents are here for a visit, she'll probably still be spending most of her days trying to catch up. Ceana and Kaeli are being asked to grow up way too fast and take on mother roles, while still being expected to keep up on their "children" duties in school and Young Women. I'm so thankful for and proud of them for how they are handling everything. I only hope upcoming changes don't become too much for them. The first two weeks exposed some flaws in our plans, though, so we'll just have to see how things continue to evolve.

"Hanging in there ..."

Rough weekend

Rough. VERY rough.

Saturday night Rory started feeling the onset of the fatigue and pangs of nausea. She starting taking the regimen of meds to try to keep that under control, which of course sent her to La-La Land. That's a place that seems like visitors ought to sleep, because they feel so tired, but in reality they just feel groggy and drugged.

Oh, and sick.

We were very grateful that my sister came and scooped up the three youngest kids while I had the older ones at an Army Band concert in Estacada. Sounds like the little ones had a blast, and probably wore out their family. Caiden got dropped off late on Saturday, too.

Sunday was just me, the girls and John so we all fit onto a single bench for once. Testimonies were great. Had the privilege of helping give a young man and his family blessings prior to a medical procedure later this week, followed by playing delivery boy for the new missionaries who had a bike box and exercise trampoline to be transported from Salem. Got back in time for the 1st Presidency Devotional, and sent the girls to the Messiah Sing-in (I have been sick for a few days so decided not to go). I didn't see Rory at all for the whole day, so I hoped that meant she was getting rest.

Unfortunately it meant she was feeling sick all by herself. Apparently the nausea overcame her about midnight and again around 5am. Our instructions were to call the Dr. office or ER if the meds couldn't control the nausea, so we eventually got word from the on-call doctor that she should come get an IV of fluids and the "heavy duty" anti-nausea. Unfortunately they couldn't squeeze her in until 1:30, so I had a chance to help the girls get some homework done while Rory tried baths, heat, ginger ale, rotations of meds, everything she could think of.

By the time we got to the infusion office she could hardly walk, and nearly yacked into the waiting room garbage can. They were running WAY behind, having received patients from Albany on short notice. Rory couldn't stand to sit up, and ended up laying on the FLOOR. I felt helpless to do anything, and was thankful when they FINALLY had a room open. We were both glad that the doctor's order and the medications were both ready to go, and were happy to see her favorite nurse, Janell, on duty.

An hour later she was feeling MUCH better. Shooting for high-calorie something, she asked for a cheeseburger (which she usually doesn't like) and fries, then asked for a small Blizzard. I guess with the "good meds" quieting her stomach she decided to try a cool dairy treat. Hope it works for her.

As I'm writing the kids are off to karate, Kelsianne is watching Charlie Brown, great-smelling dinner just arrived, and Rory is drifting back to La-La Land again. Hoping she can get SOME sleep this time, but glad she at least was able to eat something today.

Also hoping tomorrow is better than today, since all the kids will be here (they came home from my sister's about noon today). Also trying to get a little bit of work done myself since we still have deadlines at work. At least life isn't boring, right?

Chemo #2

Just a super quick check in now that the day is over and gone....

2nd chemo appt today went well. I ended up having labs run at the beginning of my appt. We ended up waiting 90 min to get all my blood counts back. They all came back good to go, and then we got a slight scare when the ear thermometer said I had a fever! Thankfully the oral thermometer did not agree (whew!) and I was given the all clear!

I had a couple of new nurses today that were nice. Will be extra nice to have Janell and Paula back for next time though. Sis F and I had some extra good talk and cry time together today too.
I also got my personal journal caught up and a few thanx cards written - yea! The rest will have to wait a bit now, though. Next time I will get them all finished, hopefully....

All the meds went in as planned without any problems at all. I was much more relaxed today and Sis F. and the new nurse were impressed when I kept explaining procedures and things in detail when Sis F had questions. You would think I had been doing this extra long vs just the 2nd time. It was all good.

One fun surprise today came when lunch orders were being taken. Each time I go, I am there for 5 HOURS. The cute little nurses make a sandwich run for patients to be sure we are eating well and staying hydrated and stuff while there. She mentioned several different sandwiches, including tuna fish. Normally tuna is a big, fat NO! I cant stand tuna after pregnancies with last 2 kiddos....but today, for whatever reason, that is what my brain picked! I was even more surprised when it actually tasted GOOD. Go figure, just all my eating habits all messed up and giving the go ahead to whatever I am craving....I could only eat 1/2 though, another side note to my ever changing eating. Sometimes I can eat tons, other times, barely anything. Needless to say, in that lunch window, the sandwich was great. Not sure what it will be tomorrow :)
My other fun surprise came after Sis F returned back from running an errand. She had brought me extra DARK chocolate bar. She fretted and worried that it was going to be yucky. I sat there and ate piece after piece of the darn thing. Again, go figure, but it was exactly perfect (she didnt think so when she tried a piece, but was happy it tasted yummy to me :)
Thanx to Sis F for being with me and for knowing chocolate is one of a girls' best friends!

My chemo injection is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon at the hospital. Planning for all to go well with nothing unexpected. Should be pretty easy. Tomorrow afternoon we will have extra helping hands from another Sis F. to help me care for little ones. It will be good to have her here and know that the kids will be cared for just in case I am more ill than expected.

Today, along with the combo of what the rest of tonight (having a FABULOUS night with the Fitz Kids), and this last week has been, has sufficiently worn me out. Nausea has started some, my mouth is extra dry and lips are chapped already. Heading to bed VERY soon, and going to hope I can last this one last night with no meds......Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as I know each day now is going to get more than rough, for me and for Preston & the kids.

Again, please know how eternally grateful we are to ALL of you who continue to send well wishes by phone and cards and letters and in all of the WOW meals that you send! We will never be able to say thank you enough, please know that all these are more appreciated than words can ever say!

Just a little PS - got the confirm today from my oncology doctor and the chemo nurses of what my "people & outings" restrictions are going to be from now on. If I am feeling up to it, I can go out and about. However, I will need to work hard to stay healthy, which will mean some important info to share:

1) If you would like to visit, please call first, and know that we will ask you to wash your hands upon arrival. Please help me and our whole family to stay healthy by not visiting if you or any of your family members are ill.

2) Please know that as much as I would love for you to give me great big hugs and handshakes, I wont be able to receive them until I am all completed with surgery (probably will be March or later) PLEASE do save them up for me, and I will look forward to receiving them in the Spring!

3) If you are bringing us one of your fabulous meals to help out, please be sure to wash before preparation (which I know everyone is already awesome at!). Please also consider swapping for a different night if you or another family member is ill. Just an extra little help to help us stay as healthy as possible.

Thank you SO very much for helping me and our family to stay healthy during these coming months. It is extra hard to know this may be a challenge during the holidays. Thank you for loving our family enough to help during this critical time when my health will not be at its best. We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people surround us, you are all truly a gift to us from Heavenly Father!

I will plan for Preston to keep you updated from here as I know I most likely wont be on the computer for some time now. As always, feel free to call or text him to check in over these next few days as needed.

All our love and hugs!

Today ROCKED!

After a really bad night, I thought for sure that today was going to be rock bottom. Instead we rocked the day!

We got off to a great start with Preston and the big girls tag-teaming the little ones in getting all the AM jobs done and helped make a hot breakfast. We also got a good start on homework.

Then, much to our surprise, we got a visit from Preston's sister who lives in Albany. She came bearing MANY gifts and played and talked with the kids. She also quietly did dishes and laundry. She was a super auntie when she bounced up from the table and announced that she would help the little kids whip out deviled eggs (Colton had asked for them since we missed them at Thanxgiving, but I knew I was more tired than could do it all at once). They had a total blast and I got some good picts of their fun. This one is of Kari's special trick that she taught the kids. Colton could NOT wait another minute to dig into them. He ended up eating about 5 of them all at once. He was in heaven!Kari had extra egg stuff and she was looking for a taker to eat it. Ky reluctantly volunteered, it was funny watching them both in the kitchen and as she squeezed it onto his tongue.

Our other surprises that arrived today were an amazing dinner that was unexpected. My visiting teacher has been working extra hard to make sure we are well taken care of. We werent planning on anything for today, but it arrived from a sweet sister in the ward anyway. We also had a sweet older couple in our ward deliver a beautiful Christmas Poinsettia. I made sure it went up high away from kids and dogs, but where we could all enjoy its blazing color. We had other cards and gifts and things also arrive today. I dont think I have ever had such a flood of meals, gifts, cards, and flowers in my whole life - not even when the kids arrived :) The love that is pouring from our ward is miraculous to say the very least. We are truly blessed to have so many wonderful people surrounding us and caring for and about us.

After Kari needed to go, we tried for a little rest time, but everyone was still too geared up. Colton ended up sitting with me and cranking out 2 of his courses for the whole week through next Tues! Ky is also almost completely done with this week's lessons already. It helps me tons to know that we can crank things out ahead with the boys. Esp knowing that next week the little ones will be bustling about at playdates because I will be too sick to care for them. It will be nice to know we wont have to worry about school things and they can just play and enjoy their playdates.

Most amazing to me is that I have been up and about nearly the WHOLE day. Not sure what that will mean for tomorrow, but for today, it has been amazing. It is my first good day in many weeks. It felt wonderful to be able to help the little ones and spend extra time with each of them. (I was feeling extra sad that little ones didnt get much one-on-one time during the long break because I was still down most of the time)

Kids are now back from karate, big kids are working on some more homework, and I think little ones are mostly down for the night. Hoping to get there soon too. Just really thrilled with such a productive day.

Just a PS - poor Preston has apparently come down with a nasty cold, as have several good friends in the ward. Please send hugs and prayers his way so he will feel better soon. Thanx tons to everyone!

Thanksgiving

Author = Preston with

[modifications by Rory]

Rory tried going to bed last night without taking any nausea meds at all. While the nausea was bearable, she still didn't sleep very well because "the sheets hurt."

[The chemo has changed everything about my system already. Including making my skin very tender and sensitive to just about everything. The sheets literally hurt my skin.]

I guess that hyper sensitivity strikes again! We'll put the other sheets back on for tonight and see how she does without meds again tonight.

[Preston did change to another set of flannel sheets. It was amazing the difference that it made.]

She was still tired most of the day, but felt good enough this morning to get up and make breakfast for everyone! (That pretty much wiped her out, but it was a good sign that she was up!)

We were invited to eat Thanksgiving with good friends and their family, so the girls spent much of the morning preparing the salads and other dishes. Part of my morning was spent giving haircuts to the boys. I thought I was done with Kylan, but he refused to get down off of the stool because he "still had hair." He proceeded to tell me that he wanted a haircut like mine. I told him mom probably wouldn't appreciate that, but from the other end of the room she said, "If that's what he wants, that is fine." The result:

He has been VERY proud to show off his new "do."

(PS - Rory got hers most of the way cut as well, but isn't ready yet to have me post her picture.)

[I lay in bed listening to Ky & Preston cackle during the process of his new haircut. I contemplated whether today would be the right time for me as well. Colton missed his meds and struggled during his haircut so much that I decided not to contemplate mine. In the end, though, I knew it had to be done. My head and skin have become so tender already that I knew by my next appt that I would be too sick to handle a haircut then. Preston was willing and did his best to be gentle. I cried and cried as more hair came off. He kept asking me if I needed him to stop, but I chose to just go forward. I couldnt stop crying and when he was done I couldnt even look him in the face. I felt so ugly, and repulsed at my broken body and my now shaved head. He tried to convince me it would be ok, but I didnt believe him. I just hung my head doing everything possible to not look in any of the zillion mirrors in our room. The kids did much better with it than I thought they would. Both the big girls gave me hugs and Ky's declaration that my haircut was "AWESOME!" made Preston smile I think. Caiden is still unsure about things I think, and Kels just pats my head and cheeks and gives me kisses and comments that I got a haircut. Colton knows it is short, but still seems pretty unaware of the current cirumstances. I was very grateful for the handmade gift of a sweet neighbor - a soft, pink, knitted hat. She has also been through cancer, and her gift couldnt have been more perfectly timed for me needing it so much.]

The meal itself was awesome. There was SO much good food, and it was very nice of our friends to invite us. The kids ate and played (mostly just played) with "cousins," Rory got to chat, and everyone had a great time. The family may THINK they know that we appreciated the invite, but they can never know how much we REALLY appreciated it.

[Preston is right that they will never know how much it meant to us to see the kids enjoy their friends and the "cousins". To know that we were still with family even though our immediate family were all far away. I know that many blessings were sent from Heavenly Father: being well enough to actually sit and visit with dear friends, to be able to eat a little taste of all the amazing foods that had been prepared, to be able to enjoy watching my children play, to be so welcomed sporting my new hat and not have one comment made that I was any different than I have been before, to have seen AND heard the white dragon 2x in 2 days (those who have long followed my posts will know the significance of this. It is too sacred to put anywhere but my personal journal though) and also the blessings of the scriptures and the joy and peace that they can bring in their own Thanksgiving message (see Alma 26)]

An aside ... a couple days ago I bought some whole wheat (normal for us) and some potato bread at the store. The kids saw the potato bread yesterday and asked me if it was "white bread." It appears they decided to bypass the already-open wheat bread and destroyed the entire loaf of potato bread in a single meal this morning.

[So, I have to totally comment on this one. Apparently when Preston posted this he did not know or realize that I had used all the bread to make breakfast (he was gone in the AM). I originally got up feeling ok, and hungry for french toast. It was more difficult than I would have ever expected though. As I prepared breakfast with the girls help, I found that I didnt even have strength to stand at the cupboard. I had to ask Kaeli to get me a chair so I would be more stable. By the time I was done (which was 20 min max) I had to go back to bed. I was totally and completely drained, so much that my breathing had become labored again and I couldnt even move. Preston found me like that when he came home. I guess when I tried to tell him I had attempted to make breakfast I didnt get it out clear enough. We havent had french toast in forever so I guess it didnt click where it had come from or that the bread was gone because of breakfast. Even though I ended up being down again for hours, it was worth it because ALL of the kids decided that it was the best breakfast ever. Maybe something new to add back into our family menu!]

Day 4

I am sitting here at the desk trying not to pass out or throw up, still waiting for a heating/cooling contractor to show up...Maybe it wasnt such a good idea to schedule him now, but we have to get the fireplace fixed for the winter so our room isnt such a meatlocker. Also listening to all of the little kiddos do battle this morning. Ceana is sick, and little people are fighting everything they have been asked to do. I dont have the energy or strength to do battle today, and poor Kaeli is trying to work on school jobs around mediating all the hysterics. I have separated everyone for now, will see if that really works or not...

Things have been really rough. I did try the 1/2 sleep & anti-nausea med, which led to a really bad night. The 1/2 didnt even touch the nausea and I was awake most of the night. I am finding that the one med that always worked during pregnancies is not doing so well this time. I have to force myself to not spit it out and then it adds a headache and only works for a short window of time. The other meds bring some relief, but they do by keeping me mostly or totally sedated. With that sedation is coming lots of nightmares too....Still lots to ask about and figure out.

I talked to my chemo nurse late yesterday who was concerned that fatigue and nausea are so extreme, but it is not uncommon. She said that next treatment we will keep tweaking the anti-nausea meds and see if we can find something to keep me more comfy. I could tell she was concerned, but not sure what direction to take. We have a call into my medical oncology Dr and will see what they might be able to suggest.

In the meantime, we keep doing what we are doing, and being extra thankful to all of those who are serving our family in so many ways. The meals have been wonderful and so generous. It is also good to know that little ones are being taken care of. Hopefully we will be able to work in school jobs soon too, esp if I am going to be so sick. That will be a huge help and relief for me.

We are ever grateful to all of those around us who are doing so much for our family. I know that thank you will never be enough to say all we would like to.

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True to form, Rory did very well both Friday and Saturday. Unfortunately the "good stuff" had worn off by today, and it was rough. Actually, worse than rough.

I guess it started last night, when she and the girls had a GREAT time at a girls-only party. Before bed she took the night-time anti-nausea med - phenegran - but now we know that has to be taken MUCH earlier. Even if she wanted to, she wouldn't have been able to attend church this morning because that stuff pretty much kept her "drugged out" all morning and beyond. We're hoping that taking only half a pill tonight will give her a better chance at being somewhat coherent tomorrow.

She was able to wake up enough to take the Zofran when the nausea resurfaced, but between being super tired and having upset tummy and probably the beginnings of her taste buds changing, she wasn't able to each much. Even her favorite Chinese food was yucky. Applesauce? Nope. Scrambled egg and bacon? Blech. Maybe with a bit more energy she will be able to experiment a bit more to find something she can tolerate. Gonna need to recharge the batteries to help her body keep up the fight.

Speaking up keeping up a fight, for some reason Kylan chose tonight to go completely anti-"black belt behavior" and is still sitting at the table in front of his dinner. I know Rory won't like reading this, but I'm pretty determined for him to ultimately make the right decision. I think (I hope) he's getting closer, because I am REALLY tired myself. {Update ... he is now eating. Yay!}

Friends and neighbors continue rallying around us. The little ones will go visit a dear sister in the ward so the older ones can get some homework time in. Visiting teachers checked in with me, and after hearing some of the struggles we have additional meals on the schedule. Offers for childcare, homecare, and just about every other kind of care keep pouring in. I'm not very good at expressing my appreciation; Rory has always been MUCH better at that and I'm pretty sure she will spend the rest of her life working to repay the kindness shown to us. I will, too.