Rory Update

Even though I am barely able to sit up, I feel strongly that I need to add to the journaling that Preston has been working so hard to keep up on.

His post a few days ago was very true. Things since Friday chemo have been more than rough, they have been miserable and scary.

Friday afternoon and evening saw me able to help care for kiddos just because Heavenly Father continues to answer prayers of the heart and sends such tender mercies. That night saw me already feeling strong physical side effects of the chemo meds. Saturday, I was so extra thankful for Sis SF and Sis AB for their willingness to serve. I knew I was too fatigued and starting to be too ill to drive myself or care for kiddos while Preston and big kids needed to be away. It broke my heart that I was already too sick and had to miss his big unit holiday concert. I was ever grateful that these 2 sisters were willing to serve so selflessly. I was also grateful to my sis-in-law who decided to come and gather up my kiddos a night early to stay with them.

By Sunday I was out for the count. The IV meds had finally worn off and I spent the day trying to manage the pain and extreme nausea with prescriptions that had been filled, but werent working. Middle of the night I lost the battle and ended up throwing up multiple times and Preston called for me Monday early to try to reach on-call Dr. to get extra help. Unfortunately, the extra help didn't come until late Monday afternoon. I spent the day in agonizing pain and overwheming nausea as we waited for a window to get into the infusion center. By the time we left, I could not stand on my own, I could not even hold my head up. We left in the midst of little ones being returned from sis-in-law, leaving the big girls to try to handle all the little people as Preston tried to get me back down to the hospital.

 

 

When we arrived, I was so sick, all I could do was literally lay on the floor of the waiting room. It was cold, and offered some relief from the extreme temperature swings I was having. Thankfully, my nurse was on the floor, and did her best to get me comfy as quickly as possible. I ended up needing extra fluids and heavy anti-nausea meds again. They were able to get me stable enough to let me go home, where I got a bath and went right back to bed.

Tues, thankfully, the IV meds held steady. I was completely flat down, but I was able to hold down food, even though at this point I really have to force myself to eat. Everything tastes wrong and it is difficult to eat as body and mouth become more sore. The complete fatigue continues to astound me. It is unfathomable that even the tiniest task can become so monumental...and yet, it is. I was grateful to sisters who came with meals and extra helping hands last night when all I could do was lay on the couch and was even too tired to cry the tears that are wanting to pour out. Preston was with my big girls at an extra special YW night, and I was laying on the couch not able to help Caiden help his siblings with even the little dinner things. Sis S brought a wonderful meal in and was so very kind. Sis B came to help me, and stayed to help Caiden get dinner to little ones and alleviate his anxiety. He has tried to do his very best, but he is still just 11 too...She understood that, and her timing couldnt have been more perfect. Thank you, my friend.

By last night I found the IV meds waning, and I spent a completely sleepless night trying to get high carb foods and meds to work. Nothing seemed to make any difference until about 430am when extra heavy med started to work. I have spent the day in bed, with IV meds completely out of my system and feeling the nausea and pain increase with each hour. I am so grateful to my girls and my cell phone to be able to ask for their help when all I could do was text them to come to me. I barely held down food, and script meds didn't hold at all. By early afternoon I thought for sure I was going to end up having Ceana drive me back down to the hospital. Again, Heavenly Father sent tender mercies as I hung over the side of the tub trying to get warm and trying to keep food down. He slowly settled my tummy and lavender and peppermint oils worked to calm my nerves. I think I may have experienced a slight intolerance to a med today, though, and that concerns me greatly. I had a harder time after taking the med, and that is not good. Will have to discuss it with Dr. office tomorrow if I can make calls ok...

Today, as I have been unable to help my girls, or help my little ones, I have worried at the weight they are all bearing. The big girls are trying to stay up on school work, and care for little ones. When younger siblings and house need attention, school seems to be on the losing end of the day's priorities. They are being asked to be the extra moms, and yet still being asked to complete their responsibilities as students....Preston is trying to do his work and help kids with school work from his office. He is still trying to balance days that he is even in the Corvallis office vs the Portland office as work deadlines loom closer and the heat is turned up in what he is asked to do. He ended up taking Monday completely off because I was so sick, and he is taking a special day to take little ones to a special school fieldtrip tomorrow. He is also trying to balance unit military duties, bishopric, and helping with housework when he is at home. He is also trying to protect me from all of the outside calendaring snafus and such that seem to be unraveling faster than can be resolved.

 

 

It breaks my heart that it seems that we have already worn out offers of help from others. I am not sure what that is going to mean for Preston and the girls if we do end up having to bear these remaining months on our own. They are doing so much more than is ever seen by others, so much more than should be asked of them, to make up for me being unable to fulfill my roles right now. I know hard things will make us stronger, but I wonder if we bear this alone, if we will end up broken. We are here on our own, without family, who would be here if they could. This is an overwhelming thing to take on, and yet we have been asked to take it. It is only the 2nd set of things. We still have 6 more to go, plus surgery. Yet, already, we may be all on our own. My heart hurts that our family circumstances are too much of a burden for others. All we can do is leave things to Heavenly Father, and hope that He will help us fill needs that we cannot fill ourselves. That we will be strengthened to bear what is needed and that He will keep us from breaking....