ONE OF THOSE DAYS

This post is going to be a total "vent all my stress" thing - so feel free to peruse or not - it has been a VERY long, unconstructive day...

Last night was really rough. I woke up about 2am and then when I went back to sleep, I had one long dream including running from tornadoes spewing lava, running from and fighting bad guys, including vampires, trying to save others from natural calamaties of varying degrees, running, being chased, hitting, kicking, fighting, etc. I finally woke up about 8am feeling like I hadnt slept an ounce. (no I have not been watching or reading anything scary or eaten anything out of the ordinary)

I spent almost the next hour trying to get kids on task before I was out the door again (thought we werent going to have this kind of week again..)

I went to see Wendy, who beat on me and made me want to jump off the table. I had lots of hot spots and got a good hard rubdown with oils to see if she could get my stress levels to calm - good luck with that one. I left wendy's and practically flew to take care of Sam & Drew, who by then more than had to go potty and were starving. Thankfully, being such good doggies they werent too upset with me. I was still feeling so out of sorts this morning I even picked up the kitten and held her for quite awhile - just to try to de-stress (normally I dont hold her because I am allergic to cats)

After that I rushed back home to get kiddos back on track with house jobs and try to make a plan for today...should have not bothered. Kiddos were totally out of whack again today - spitting, screaming, throwing tantrums, the whole nine yards. They were all fed a quick lunch and separated for naps - unfortunately none of them ever settled down.

In the midst of all this chaos I was trying to help the girls get things ready to submit to our local county fair. I got picts burned to a CD only to get to our local store and have their machine NOT read the CD. I ran home, burned them to a flashdrive, ran back to the store, only to get an error message on ceana's images saying the file size was too small and they wouldnt be able to be printed. I also found out that we could have submitted everything online from home - would have been nice to know that about 2+hours earlier....Ceana & I worked on picts more, struggling with a computer that has both drives just about maxed out because I havent had time to de-junk from the hard drive crashing and scrambling everything that was recovered. We finally got picts to work, and I called and ran back to the store. I got there for the check out gal to try to tell me only 5 out of 19 picts had printed - I was not handling things well by then. It turned out that she had grabbed the wrong envelope, but it didnt help at all. By the time I got out to the car, we realized that we were going to have to cram in all of our errands to get to the fairgrounds in time to submit work. Ceana reazlied at the last minute that Kaeli had to sign her submission form - so again, I drove back home.

Our next plan of attack was to try to get to Walmart for needed mounting supplies. That was a joke and a half. Besides running around to several places in the store, we had the unfortunate chance to be just next to an isle of horrid teenage girls using the most foul language I think I have ever heard. I was already losing my mind, so I went around the corner and told them how inconsiderate and vulgar I thought they were for using such language in a public place. Ceana & I headed towards the checkout with my heart pounding out of my chest and me shaking the whole time. There were lots of people around those girls with faces that said the exact same thing that we were feeling, and yet I was the only one to say anything. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do, but at the time, I had just had enough.

We ended up gathering as much as we could - and feeling even more unsettled and unprepared for having picts ready for the fair - and then headed over to the fairgrounds. We got checked in and were directed to the arts & crafts building where we set up shop - or so we thought. With the few things we had been able to find, I managed to mangle just about all the picts I tried to cut out. We had bought some thick mounting board - and an extra junky exacto knife apparently. The more I tried to cut, the more I shredded the final product we were working towards. We tried scissors, and was even brought a pocket knife by one of the patrons. In the attempt of using the scissors, I did find out they were at least sharp enough to slice through my finger and caused me to bleed all over the scissors and the 2 images I was working on getting cut, and putting my paper thin sanity over the edge. I had ruined ceana's #1 image and several others. I sent Ceana on a hunt for a band-aid. I was in tears by then and ready to just give up. We had put the entire day and more money than I ever expected to spend into this project, and we were going to have to walk away from things completely. I was really beside myself and I am sure it showed to everyone around us - I did not handle myself well at all. I also felt sick that I had ruined ceana's best photo. She stayed totally calm - I was upset enough for 10 people -
(for Wendy and Drew who are probably reading this - no, I did NOT manage my stress well at all, and I am sure I will be seeing you soon as a result)

One little act of kindness on our part - a young boy came in to submit his work, only to be told that the images were too small. It was recommended that he put them into a collection so he could still submit them. They were going to have to leave and come back (nearest store is 15-20min) We had bought extra poster board mounting stuff, so I offered our left over piece to them. I had done the back and forth thing all day, would have hated to see that young man leave and maybe not return (that is the way I felt at that moment)
I guess one good turn sometimes receives another - or we were noticed, or we were taken pity on - a gal there had a REAL exacto knife which she offered to borrow to us. That thing really worked great and I was able to repair ceana's damaged image and finish cutting out the rest.

It ended up taking us 3 HOURS to get everything in a semi ok condition to be submitted. I still felt that I had blown things so badly that they were not presentable enough to even be there. So much effort to know that we would not receive any ribbons, let alone any prizes...

In the meantime I had made several phone calls to Kaeli to tell her we were still not done (my phrase for today was "I should be about an hour") and hour after hour went by until the entire day was shot. I also missed a work meeting with my web designer because of being stuck at the fairgrounds. This is the 2nd time I have missed an appt with her. She is probably wishing she had never agreed to work with me.

By the time we were done, it was after 8pm. I had ceana hurry and try to call preston, only to have woken him up. I did cry then, and had to keep apologizing. I kept trying to hang up too, but he talked me into staying on the phone to chat for just a few minutes. After I got off the phone I cried that much harder - I had lost the entire day, had left Kaeli in charge (missing her exercise time and an outing with the jeffries) which meant she would be seriously torked at me again (seems our normal MO lately)and could most likely guarantee she wouldnt be speaking to me-again, had woken up Preston after he had a really rough day and didnt sound so good, had missed my work meeting, never got to exercise, was extremely late in caring for the peyton animals, and didnt get to care for our next door neighbor's yard or bunny at all.

All in all, a completely ruined day. There are 10 gazillion things on my "to do" list that didnt even get looked at today, let alone completed. It is now 11pm and I think I have eaten a slight snack (early this morning) and not had anything else all day. Ceana also missed eating most of the day because she was with me. I also just found out a bit ago that we are needed to help take care of little cousins and extended family cousins. We hardly ever see them, so it was hard for me to say no, but it will mean the forfeit of another family day and of personal exercise time. I have been promising the kids for several weeks that we would go on some big outings, now with the way the week is looking, not sure we are going to get to them. I might as well plan to bag trying to even try for the triathlon. Between my injuries and having our entire life fall out of sync I am not going to have the time to train and be safe enough to participate...
I hope we will be able to get things back on track, but I am just not getting my hopes up. I really let the kids down today - esp the girls, most esp Kaeli. I feel like the worst everything in the entire world. I am sure I am the worst mom and wife...