More Crazy Daze

Our week is turning out to be quite full and crazy. Today was in line with the rest of the week.

After having a very short night, the day has been extra long with ups and downs.

I missed swimming this morning after not getting to sleep until 3am. Got up and was able to get a ride to pick up the truck. First up - truck just needed tires balanced and service - minimal repair costs - yea! When the gal at the front desk told me how much it was I responded "Wow - really, that is all?" and she said "well, I can make it more for you" - that is the way she is, just cute and fun.

2nd up - we did make it to picnic in the park - 1st time ALL summer...the kids had fun playing and visiting even though we were there for just a little bit.

1st down - our new oven is apparently not working, and probably hasnt been for weeks. I have spent the last 2 days trying to get answers/schedule service for the new oven. It is a convection oven - something we havent had before - and it has been more complicated than expected. After getting the run around and being transferred to this or that person several times and being treated very rudely by a floor sales guy at Lowe's I called an 800 # to see if I could get actual appliance specs. Found out our oven is built to be sold directly and only by Lowe's - great. The guy on the phone was actually extremely helpful and patient and stayed on the phone with me until all my ??? were answered and I had resources to find repair options. I was at the point of tears before I talked with him, and felt much better after. I called a local repair shop - a 1 minute call - and they will be out tomorrow. Frustrating to have a new oven and not having it working. It does explain why nothing we have made in the last couple of weeks hasnt turned out at all - including dinner yesterday which was totally killed. Will look forward to it being repaired tomorrow so we can make our much looked forward to choc chip cookies.

2nd down - another appt at the sleep specialist office. We are trying for another new tweak for my sleeping. We are also trying a help for staying awake. I now will wear some little ear bobbers that will send an electrical current to my brain to get the right waves going for sleep - or more accurately, eliminate the "awake" waves so I can hopefully sleep better. It is not a quick fix and it will be 5 weeks before we know for sure it is helping or not. The new med is a trial to help me be able to stay awake - esp when I am needing to do long driving (like to OHSU) Will see how my body reacts to it. I felt bad for my specialist. I really like him alot, he is kind and patient and really listens to me. I think I have him baffled though - everything we have tried has not worked, and we are nearing the end of our options. In 5 weeks, we may be out of options, and not sure what we will do then. I could tell he was a bit concerned about that - it wouldnt be the first time I have blown all the "normal" options out of the water and still come up empty.
We did find out there was a snafu/miscommunication with the last option I tried. It was recommended that I get a special sleep aid - except the nurse told me SONA vs ZOMA - 2 totally different products with 2 totally different focus. Nothing that can be done now, except that we have a very expensive floor/throw pillow....

3rd up & down - Wendy beat on me again today. Things went much better today, but I am still in need of lots of help. I feel frustrated at times that I am just contributing to her stress and life of extras when I really have nothing at all to give back. Little things I try to do or give just are never enough to repay all of her kindness and generosity through all these years. I know I need her help, but at the same time, I want to never go back because I know I am alot of work for her in lots of ways...

4th up and down - helping a friend move today. She is an inactive sister that I have been unofficially visit teaching for the last couple of years. I have been helping her with small bits here and there in the last week to get packed and things. She did allow priesthood brethren to come and help move things, though very apprehensively. She was in a total panic the whole time about things being broken and that others were judging her about the state of her apt. Nothing I could do or say today would comfort her or alleviate her concerns. I could see the panic and stress on her face, and I wondered if I had done the right thing in having extra help come. It is not anything she is accustom to and it was very stressful.
We got her on the other end and helped get things off the truck. Things went mostly well - except that her wardrobe/pantry closet got dropped and smashed to oblivion. She seemed a bit more calm on that side, though I was still concerned I/we had over-stepped our boundaries. I stayed long after everyone else had gone to chat and to see if there was more she might let me do.
It was really hard for me in lots of ways. I have been really struggling myself with some things this week - and Pres Hinkley's quote from a letter he received from his father on his mission "just forget yourself and go to work" - in serving my friend, I was able to forget my own worries and concerns. On the other hand, I wonder if I had totally blown it and caused her more stress and hurt vs help in that service and trying to "go to work". My friend and I have many similar life experiences, none of those good. Something that seems to be second nature to me now, is completely foreign to her. I had to really give myself a talking to while in the truck alone coming and going. I have been where she is, trust and love and peace have not come easily, and sometimes not at all. Those are things that have been taught and then betrayed. Our service today was our way to show our love, friendship, etc. but she struggled to accept it because she has not been shown love or support or friendship or trust in that way. I know right where she is, and I am on the other side of the giving now. It was really hard for me, trying to be understanding and respectful, and trying to do my best to give and serve in the best way I knew how.
I know things could have been better if I had done better in that service. I feel like in the short time I have come to know this friend that I have failed her in many ways. I was not the one to step up to the plate or be there when she really needed me most. Now she is going to be even further away and it is going to take extra special effort to keep in touch with her. I know she is not going to open up to other sisters in her new ward, and I worry about how she will do being in her new environment. All I can do is continue to pray and fast and serve. It might be enough and it might not.
I will call and check in on her tomorrow, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that she will continue to allow me to help her during this time of new challenges. I want to help, but also want to respect her wishes and concerns....guess we will see what tomorrow and the next few days bring.

Guess I should call it a day. I have been gone most of the day and I havent eaten since early this morning. I have had water, but not enough. I didnt get to PMR work or class prep at all. It is so late I hate to eat and then know my tummy is going to be unhappy. I am guessing if I dont though, I will be worse off in the AM. I am missing Preston tons tonight and in tears that he is so far away. He has already been gone for a bit, but I think today it is really hitting me. Feeling extra lonely and sad and tired. Will just try to start over and hopefully do better tomorrow.