RECEIVING LIFE

A few posts ago I titled one called "Giving Life" - well today I was on the receiving end of the miracles that can come from the gifts of receiving life, freedom and peace.

This morning I woke up completely calm, got up and showered, dressed, prodded kiddos to do the same and we were all mostly ready when preston came home to get us. Just like that. My cruddy night's sleep didnt change, the chaotic sunday morning routine didnt change, the battles over getting little people to get dressed didnt change - but somehow I was changed.

When Preston arrived home to see me dressed and dressing Kels he surprisingly asked "are you going today?" to which I replied "I was planning to" - just like that - no fear, no horrendous shaking, no anything, except a complete quiet and calm.

The whole block went like that. I just breezed into the chapel, no stress, no nothing. Totally ok when I was greeted and hugged by others we are close to welcoming me back. I sat through all 3 hours as if I had not been gone for almost a year. Everyone around me acting as if I had never been gone.

The only word to describe today is miraculous. I laughed, I visited, I asked after others' well being, I took the sacrament free of guilt or pain, I participated in discussions (which I hardly ever did before) I didnt worry about Kels making lots of noise or wandering around in a room full of adults only. I was the last one to the car at the end of meetings.

I have to admit on the way home from church today I was feeling completely exhausted - as if I had been working very hard....It was a very strange feeling and one I still cannot put my finger on.
All I know is that I was given great gifts and blessings of strength, peace, energy and fulfillment that were not my own. Today I have felt a small inkling of what "whole" feels like again. Today what I was able to do was enough, and the rest was done for me.

Today doesnt guarantee that every sunday will be like this, or that I wont have to still work towards goals, or work through set backs. It does guarantee I am going in the right direction, with ALOT of help, support and love by many others, including a Heavenly Father and a Savior who know and love me for me, and that they are mindful of me and our family.

A wonderful sister today quoted several lines from "I Believe In Christ" - with her main focus being on "come what may" she KNOWS that the above things are true. For me, I have never been able to believe they were or ever could be true, that come what may, I would be left on my own, alone. Today, that too has changed. I can see and hear and understand her complete perspective that no matter what happens in life that Heavenly Father and the Savior ARE in charge, they know what I need, and I know that our needs will be met. If I do all that I can, it will be enough, and they will take care of the rest. My job is to believe, trust, ask, listen and heed - if I can do these things, then I can truly believe and understand the line from another great hymn "ALL IS WELL" (Come, Come Ye Saints)