RECEIVING LIFE

A few posts ago I titled one called "Giving Life" - well today I was on the receiving end of the miracles that can come from the gifts of receiving life, freedom and peace.

This morning I woke up completely calm, got up and showered, dressed, prodded kiddos to do the same and we were all mostly ready when preston came home to get us. Just like that. My cruddy night's sleep didnt change, the chaotic sunday morning routine didnt change, the battles over getting little people to get dressed didnt change - but somehow I was changed.

When Preston arrived home to see me dressed and dressing Kels he surprisingly asked "are you going today?" to which I replied "I was planning to" - just like that - no fear, no horrendous shaking, no anything, except a complete quiet and calm.

The whole block went like that. I just breezed into the chapel, no stress, no nothing. Totally ok when I was greeted and hugged by others we are close to welcoming me back. I sat through all 3 hours as if I had not been gone for almost a year. Everyone around me acting as if I had never been gone.

The only word to describe today is miraculous. I laughed, I visited, I asked after others' well being, I took the sacrament free of guilt or pain, I participated in discussions (which I hardly ever did before) I didnt worry about Kels making lots of noise or wandering around in a room full of adults only. I was the last one to the car at the end of meetings.

I have to admit on the way home from church today I was feeling completely exhausted - as if I had been working very hard....It was a very strange feeling and one I still cannot put my finger on.
All I know is that I was given great gifts and blessings of strength, peace, energy and fulfillment that were not my own. Today I have felt a small inkling of what "whole" feels like again. Today what I was able to do was enough, and the rest was done for me.

Today doesnt guarantee that every sunday will be like this, or that I wont have to still work towards goals, or work through set backs. It does guarantee I am going in the right direction, with ALOT of help, support and love by many others, including a Heavenly Father and a Savior who know and love me for me, and that they are mindful of me and our family.

A wonderful sister today quoted several lines from "I Believe In Christ" - with her main focus being on "come what may" she KNOWS that the above things are true. For me, I have never been able to believe they were or ever could be true, that come what may, I would be left on my own, alone. Today, that too has changed. I can see and hear and understand her complete perspective that no matter what happens in life that Heavenly Father and the Savior ARE in charge, they know what I need, and I know that our needs will be met. If I do all that I can, it will be enough, and they will take care of the rest. My job is to believe, trust, ask, listen and heed - if I can do these things, then I can truly believe and understand the line from another great hymn "ALL IS WELL" (Come, Come Ye Saints)

HOORAY FOR HALLOWEEN

Ceana cranked out homework like crazy to earn the privilege to go to what is becoming the annual Halloween "girls' night" with a few of her closest friends. She decided to try the pirate thing again, and with both Preston and I to help her, she was all decked out. Preston made her an eye patch, and loaded her down with all of my gaudy jewelry and I brushed her face with earth-tone eye shadow and mascara. She was happy with the results and went along very happy to be with her friends for the night.

On the way to the annual ward Trunk or Treat activity I happened to look back at the kids. Kels was just "hangin' loose" in her carseat. She has picked up this pose from Ky and more often than not I find her in this position more than him anymore. It was a total crack up that I had to try for a pict in the car.

Love her little toe hanging out - when we got to the building we discovered that neither she or Ky had their shoes - thankfully she had snuggly PJ's on with footsies and we layered Ky with all the extra socks we had still in the car (another story for another time....) It worked well. Kels's PJ's were pretty much thrashed by the end of the night, which was fine since we also discovered a monster hole in between her legs too, they have been through multiple kiddos - prob amazing they lasted this long :)

TRUNK OR TREAT CARNIVAL

We had multiple themes going on this year. Caiden decided that he REALLY wanted to be Gilligan this year, so Kaeli and Preston also chose characters - Kaeli was Ginger and Preston was The Skipper. The little people all got their outfits chosen for them about 1/2 hour before we were supposed to leave - they were all in PJ's still. Thankfully it was easy to throw these together since I had remembered the cute aprons we had gotten from the Pioneer Day carnival we attended in July. Along with a few accessories and we were good to go. Bob The Builder and crew. Kels' toolbox was sufficiently supplied with all the "tools" a girl needs - curling iron, hairspray, clips, brush, etc. It was perfect for her.

The boys were chomping at the bit to get to the carnival. Kels was NOT impressed. She pretty much freaked out with all the noise and people and just clung to her big sissy as if she was holding on for dear life. Kaeli just stood very still and stroked Kels' hair, trying to keep her calm. I dont know what I would do without Kaeli, those 2 girls really have bonded and Kels will often times even choose Kaeli instead of me. I am blessed that they have each other, esp for times like this when I need to be everywhere at once.

TRUNK OR TREAT CARNIVAL II

We finally coaxed Kels to let Kaeli loose by offering her a cookie. She still didnt stray too far from any of us though, and I ended up holding her while we were inside
Of course my boys found the treats right away. They had a cookie decorating booth AND a cupcake walk booth - what more could the boys ask for?

Caiden esp enjoyed the game booths. This one was his favorite. He had to suck up a candy corn with a straw, keep it on the end of the straw and then drop it into the little cup. I am not sure if it was timed or not, but it was challenging and fun.

TRUNK OR TREAT

For those of you who may not know what Trunk or Treat is - it is a safe, annual event where local church families come and let kiddos trick or treat out of the trunks of their cars. It is a riot and a great way to celebrate and know that the kids are safe.
Kels didnt let loose of Kaeli the whole night. She was more than happy that she had been let go to just run around amid all the other kiddos. Every time I found the girls, Kels was literally pulling Kaeli along behind her at full tilt. Kaeli had chosen to wear high heels with her costume, and had a hard time keeping up with Kels, it was pretty funny. Kels is too little this year to "get it" - she could care less about the candy, she was just happy to run around, so kaeli didnt get very many treats this year....maybe next year.


Preston manned the handing out of candy this year, Kaeli took Kels, and with Ceana not there, I went ahead and let the boys go off on their own this year with the strict understanding that they stay together at all times. Caiden apparently found a solution to them staying together. Everytime I found the boys to get their picts, the little boys had a fist full of Caiden's shirt. He was very patient with the little boys and they did a good job on their own.

SPOOKY LIGHTS

When we got home from Trunk or Treat, Kaeli was trying to play with her light stick. She wanted me to take picts, but she couldnt shake it hard or fast enough to show up on the camera. I remembered I still had a thick light glow stick from my photography workshop! I ran in and got it, dropped my shutter speed down as low as it would go and I took picts while the kids played. It worked lots better outside since the flash had too much to bounce off of inside, I had to partially cover it with my hand. It was just experiment time to see what worked or didnt and the kids had tons of fun.
KAELI

LOVE the boys' faces. They were really getting into things, and exerting that energy really showed on their faces!

KY

CAIDEN

COLTON

LUNCH TIME FUN

Our Halloween fun started a day early with an invitation to what is becoming an annual costume luncheon at a good friend's house. As always, her house was decorated so fun, and she had all the spooky treats you could ask for. We got to spend some time with our good friends and the kids had a great time playing together. Thanx D family for inviting us - we had TONS of fun!
Caiden decided he wanted to be Gilligan (from Gilligan's Island) this year. He had everything but the hat...which was soon resolved when J swooped over on her bike and presented Caiden with her hat to borrow! Thanx J, your the BEST!

A NEW FAMILY TRADITION?

Probably not....

I used to LOVE these cereals when I was a kid. We would get them as a special treat at my grandmother's house (we never got sugar cereals at home). My brother esp loved the pink box, and I loved the choc (of course)
When I saw them in the store a few weeks ago, I just had to get them for old time's sake. These cereals used to be available all the time when I was growing up, but now they are only available for a couple of weeks in October.

So, I kept them hidden until this morning - a fun Halloween breakfast - the kids are going to be bouncing off the walls from sugar overload anyway, right? Might as well get them off to a good start....or so I thought. The boys were chomping at the bit all week when they discovered them hidden in the pantry, and Ky couldnt wait to get a box open.

They really didnt go over too well though. The kids each had some, and tried the different kinds (which really only tasted like Cocoa Puffs and Captin Crunch) and the boys picked out all the marshmallow shapes (we dont do marshmallows at our house) and that was that. I tried some too, and they really didnt taste anywhere near as good as I remember them....
Oh, well, it was worth a try I guess. Some traditions stay and last forever, some crash and burn - today was one of those. Halloween is not my favorite time of the year anyway, so no big deal that we didnt start something new. Will have to see if the dogs like sugar cereal.....

GIVING LIFE

OK - fair warning - for any of you who get squeemish about needles and blood - just skip to the third to last paragraph - which is what the whole story is about anyway....

OK, so most of you out there know I don't do needles. You would think that after an entire lifetime of getting poked because of illness, surgery, or babies I would be used to it by now....just one hitch in that thought - my veins dont cooperate, usually making for a difficult or miserable experience.

I can probably count on less than 2 hands the number of times I have had blood drawn and a nurse or technician get me on a first try. Usually I end up a very bruised pin cushion, even using the peds butterfly (the smallest there is). This last surgery, I just told the nurse to get the lidicaine (numbing agent) and dig all she wanted, knowing we had to get bigger needles in - she did, but I can still see the hole where she drew blood and put the IV in....the bruise she left lasted a good couple of weeks.

So, with my loverly history with needles why do I heed the personal phone call I get every couple of months to give blood? Because I have a universal blood type and because of days like today.

I was busily helping multiple kiddos with school work when I happened to glance at the clock - "oh, crap" (yes, we are working on NOT using this word in the house - not there yet) - "is today Thursday? I am supposed to give blood!" Thinking I was a lunatic for even going since I had had about 24oz of water and 1 pile of cheesy noodles all day, I quickly called Preston to get his thoughts and then flew out the door yelling to the kids that I would be back in an hour as I literally ran to the car (I was now left with 15 minutes to get to the building with a 20min plus drive), sure that they would just be sending me back home. As I started driving my cell phone was chirping "oh, crap (I know, I know) my cell is dying?" Lovely. I kept driving, thinking I knew where I was going, except that I apparently didnt and with the last ounce of cell battery hurried and called preston to help me get where I needed to be. He gave the one cross street I missed just before it died completely.

To my own frustration (and the fact that EVERY inch of the West Salem hills look identical) I missed the turn off again and ended up back where I started. After driving the "scenic route" for about 20 min, I finally ended up at the church building.

OK, here is where I get to insert my continued digression into complete irreverent behavior for the day. Literally out loud I pretty much laid things on the line with Heavenly Father "If they need my blood that bad, if someone else needs it, you are going to have to take care of it. I am NOT prepared for this at all, I cannot do this on my own. You are going to have to do it all." And so the one sided conversation went all the way from the car to the church doors.
Just an FYI - I have very rarely been able to go to give blood and make it all the way through the process - iron too low, dont bleed, whatever - I have been sent away more than I have been able to give.

So - with all of my weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, and a stomach bloated with 2 water bottles of fluid and 4 mini snickers bars I downed on the way there - I left everything to Heavenly Father, and prepared for them to send me home.

I sat, I waited, I read the required gobbledy-gook, I sat and waited some more. I had sat for about 1/2 hr by the time they got to me. I had a nice little chat with the assistant, whose name also happened to be Kailee, and told her I had waited a long time for them to just send me home. She gave me a nifty hand warmer and nicked my finger and ran the iron test. To my utter astonishment, it was 2.5 points HIGHER than what the max was they usually need. Whoa! OK, now what?

Next, more waiting, now in a panic as I looked at the clock knowing even if I left then I would not make it back in time to get ceana to her concert. A very kind technician let me borrow his phone to call preston, to call ceana (why not just call ceana? because kiddos have learned to not pick up the phone for #'s they dont recog on the caller ID), to get a ride to the concert. That taken care of I sat there in the chair, still waiting, and shaking like crazy that I was actually going through with things.

They finally got me settled, sort of. The guy next to me was having issues that took my technician and 2 others to take care of him - poor guy. It was finally my turn. "Squeeze the ball, hold another hand warmer, squeeze this other ball, try the other arm..." The technician hunted for awhile and even asked for a second opinion before flipping me around to get to my right arm. The cute little assistant had come over by then too - "they still havent gotten you started?" Nope - guy next to me was still having issues - OUCH. The assistant was very kind, and actually her standing there next to me distracted me by chatting while the tech stuck in the monster needle. (for me it is like comparing the tiny needle I usually get - picture a straight pin - to the monster one they use which is what they call a 12 gauge - picture a short knitting needle - big OUCH)

Anyway - he actually got it in, on a first try - which is all they get when you give blood. I tried to relax (my toes were curled inside my shoes and I was trying not to pass out) while we continued to chat. Oops - too good to be true "your line is getting cold, need to see what is going on" (this is where I got sent home last time) The tech literally turned the needle inside my arm - never have had that done before - and then I was a gusher. He walked away and then literally came back minutes later to tell me I was almost done! I was blown away.
As I sat there and chatted with the tech, I shared my wonder at being there and to have things go better than smoothly. I told him it was because I was supposed to be there, someone else needed it more than I did. We had a very interesting conversation about the spiritual side of this life giving gift. Not many people outside the church would be open to that kind of conversation, but he really was. Not too long after that I was really done, plus some. Usually, if all goes well, they barely get what they need and I have to work to give it to them. Tonight I gushed, and gave them what they needed plus 6 extra test vials. I NEVER have enough for those....

Soooooo, after making this very short story way too long... I was given the special blessings and gift to give, so someone else could be blessed and live. Really that is a HUGE thing to think about. Because of my heartfelt, though irreverent, plea, someone somewhere is going to be able to have what they need when they need it most. Because Heavenly Father is mindful of my needs, and also of someone I will probably never know or meet, a gift will be shared that could bless more lives than can be counted. The tender mercies were poured out upon me today.

I got an extra gift as I drove home (I did manage to get the right turn off, barely) The skies were an amazing, softened shade of lilac. It is impossible to describe unless you saw it. Again, my irreverence kicked in - loud and verbal "HOW do you do it? Where is the sun, how thick are the clouds, etc?" These are some of the things I hope I get to learn how to do someday....
The photographer in me tried to make some sense in what I was seeing. Where was the sun, how could the WHOLE sky be that color, how is the light being diffused to give off that color? It really was amazing and breathtaking, considering that clouds that color in another part of the country would mean tornadoes or hurricanes....it really was the most incredible thing to look at and the feeling was really indescribable.

I did make it home, again on the fly and hollering at kiddos to get in the car, just in time to drop off my little people to a DEAR friend - THANK YOU M! - pick up extra big kiddos and still make it to the concert with 15 minutes to spare. Got some fab shots of ceana and her best friend before and in between the concert (both the girls sit in the center, almost back row, impossible for picts or video) - watch for those to be posted to the photo blog soon - enjoyed another night of wonderful music, and enjoyed a group of teenagers as they enjoyed their after concert treats at McD's (a good story for another time). Everyone -except me - is sound asleep in their beds. Overall, it has been a productive day, and one truly FULL to overflowing with tender mercies that I am very grateful for.

2 DOWN, 2 TO GO!

Well, I taught class #2 to the scouts last night, even with little people in tow....

Everyone was very attentive and for the most part I feel like things went well. Lighting has still been one of my constant challenges. It was good for me to be able to be honest with the YM and show them examples how light can be an enemy and help with photography.

I still feel like I whooshed over everything way too fast. 1 hour is just not enough time to go over everything I would like to, and I didnt get a chance to show all of the examples I was hoping to.

I was pleased that several of the YM did do some "homework" I had given them. They had brought their cameras and showed off the different things they had done during the week. It was fun to look at their picts and be able to share our enthusiasm and excitement over this new adventure. We have a couple of the YM who are really looking at photography as a serious hobby, if not a career maybe someday. I was able to talk with them about their project with this class and really encouraged them to choose something that they LOVE and photograph it. I think I got some wheels turning and some thoughts started, at least I hope so.

It really went much better than expected, esp since I had 3 little people with me. A special thank you goes out to Bro M who didnt mind following Kels about in the hallways while I taught class, and to other Bro M for opening the gym for the little boys to burn off energy with large motor play in there. My boys want to again say a great big THANK YOU to "Papa Jeffries" (nicknamed the Candy Man for good reason) for always finding a treat for my little people and treating them just like he does his own grandchildren. He always makes us feel so loved too. Thank you!

Well, only 2 more classes to go. One on the photography triangle and one on film vs digital cameras. I will prob also wrap up with adding any extras about books and blogs for the boys to follow to help them continue their hobby. I am really glad that I have a month to prepare for both of these as they are the things that I am really still trying to master myself. I hope they will be as successful as the last 2 have been. I know that even if the boys dont get much from them, I will for sure. I have already learned a ton more than I already knew because I have taught them. Here's to lots more learning, and fun.