Yesterday our RS lesson was on this subject. It was a lengthy discussion with quite a bit of input from the sisters (esp considering how few of us were in attendance) One comment that Sis S made while teaching her lesson was that sometimes we have life experiences that just are what they are. They are just there, and nothing that you can do to change them. Her other comment was that sometimes she told Heavenly Father in the midst of those most challenging expereriences that she couldnt/wouldnt do it anymore, that she was done. The lesson centered on how to find a change of heart, and find gratitude for even the tiniest things in the midst of our not-so-bright attitide at times, when we are in the middle of all the "it is what it is." I think we all have similar experiences, and maybe I needed it because of what was going to happen today.
Many people may know that we are challenged with 2 very significant "it is what it is" experiences. One of which has been and is my health. Several weeks ago I was given a recommendation for new primary care physician for myself. I have been through several in the past 10 years, all of which have either helped for a bit, or not at all. I think this time, though, I may have finally found the dr who will be able to really listen and help.
When I first met with him, he asked for a TON of bloodwork to be done - interestingly enough, bloodwork that has NEVER been asked for by previous physicians. My appt today was to go over the results of all that lab work. I was pretty blown away by what he found out, and by what we are going to need to do about what we found out. I am also blown away by the blessings and by the magnitude that my conscious effort of an attitude of gratitude is going to need to be.
Here is what I found out today -
1) In the last three years (maybe longer than that) I have been exposed to, and contracted the Epstein-Barr virus (more commonly known as Mononucliosis), Parvovirus and CMV (both severe viruses that attack the auto-immune system).
2) All 3 of these are closely tied to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome AND FibroMayalsia ( both of which have been brought up in recent dr visits) I now have a conclusive diagnosis for CFS, but not quite FM as my symptoms do not meet all the markers for this disease.
3) Although I no longer have the 3 above mentioned viruses and my body has and is building strong antibodies to them, I can no longer give blood, and my auto-immune system may be at extreme risk in a future event of severe illness or anything that may be considered life threatening (ie need for blood transfusion or chemo, etc)
4) There are ZERO things that drs can do yet to fight any or cure the above mentioned viruses.
4) My B12, Vitamin D, and iron levels are almost non-existent (ie normal reading for iron levels is 60, my reading was a 10). They are extra low because the lab work shows that my body does not absorb these appropriately.
5) Over the next 2-3 months I will be undergoing some pretty extreme measures to try to balance out my numbers in these areas and hope that my body will adapt itself to absorb these at a more normal level. The extra helps will include increasing my vitamin D and B12 levels (by dissolvable tablets and possibly daily injections) and a 6 week intensive iron infusion treament (done at the hospital's dialysis clinic).
6) At the end of all of these treatments/therapies I will have a follow up appt to re-test all these levels and see what the next step in the game plan will be.
7) On a side note, the sleep help that my dr gave me is another no-go, and I will be talking and working directly with my sleep specialist (who works hand-in-hand with my new dr) about a couple more meds to give a try with.
So...where is my attitude of gratitude?
1) I finally have a dr that listens and talks with vs to me about my health concerns
2) My new dr isnt wasting a minute to try to help me find answers and pursue them
3) I finally have real answers to why I have been so ill, and as to why I am still struggling so much
4) There are meds and treatments out there to help me combat the symptoms of the viruses, even though we cant cure the viruses themselves
5) I now have TWO dr specialists who work closely together and they are both drs I really like and feel like they will help me
6) The hope that maybe in a few months, I could be feeling tons better and be back on track to finding better health
So...where am I going to need to work to find gratitude?
1) Taking meds/vitamins/possible injections every day
2) Sitting through an infusion process week after week, when I know how much I struggle with needles/IV's, etc.
3) Being patient, calm, and show outward gratitude to those health care staff who will be helping me through this next piece of things
4) Showing some kind of trust and faith in Heavenly Father, even in just a miniscule form, and hope that it will be enough to help me get through the tears and rough times
5) Knowing that I am going to be given the gift of empathy and understanding for others
6) Allowing others to help as/where needed during the next couple of months as our schedule is again turned upside down because of extra medical appts
It is going to be a long learning process. I am sure there will be many tears, and fears as I again go through a different chunk of this "is what it is". I am hoping that maybe this time, I will do a better job at finding trust and faith and willingness to learn during the process rather than just after it. I hope that I can remember that this whole experience will not only be for my good, but possibly for the learning and good of others. I cant promise I will go through this with Sis B's "bring it on" attitude (that I so love about her), but all I can do is try my best, and hopefully that will be enough. I will try to keep posting often once we get going on things. Watch for new updates in a few weeks.
Here is my happy boy with his book. He was so excited that we just had to take it to church with us. His primary teacher was there this week with her husband since both were speaking in our ward. When he found out she was there, he grabbed his book and ran out to see her in the foyer. It was fun to watch him show off his new book and for them to share that moment together. She has been so special to Ky and we are so blessed that even though they have moved that she will still be his preschool teacher. Ky has done so well with her, it is wonderful to me that he has made such a special bond with her at church and for school.
A big hit for Ky this year was a musical book from my grandmother. It had disney characters on it, and plays tons of Christmas songs. Ky sang and danced to that thing like there was no tomorrow, it was pretty funny. It was fun to see him esp excited about things this year - we got some great reactions and it was great to see him enjoy everything so much.
Photo courtesy of Kaeli :)
I got a couple of extra fun surprises this year. Preston bought me a photography vest - a coolio thing with tons of pockets so I can keep all my "extras" right on me, and not have to always worry about holding onto or setting down a camera bag. Kaeli surprised me with this nativity set. It is a Willow Tree set, and so beautiful. We usually get a new one to add each year, but didnt have the $ to splurge this year. It was such a thoughtful gift from Kaeli, and I think I may be finding a permanent place for it with some others in the dining room.
