Thoughts Of A Runner?

As I sit here in the dark my brain is going a million different directions.
It has been a long night....Ky was up several times very upset and didnt settle back down easily. My husband who is usually unconscious 2 seconds after his head hits the pillow and sleeps so deeply tossed and turned and hardly slept at all. The little bit of sleep I did get was filled with nightmares.
Both Preston & I were up and wide awake way before his alarm went off at 5AM. Adreneline already pumping at the thought of this day's coming events.
As I sat with Preston this morning watching him get ready, with a spoonful of PB in his mouth and laughing lightly as he signed the word crazy at me, I again wondered what we were doing taking on this monumental activity and if we really are out of our minds.
First of all, yes, we are completely out of our minds for taking this on.
Second, my brain wonders what it is that draws thousands of people to this sport again and again, race after race. Is it the almost nauseating feel of the adreneline pumping through every inch of your body, is it the thrill of victory, is it knowing you took all those crazy thoughts of defeat and failure and looked them straight in the eye and told them to take a hike? Is it throwing all those thoughts of "I should have...I could have..." out the window and just go for it anyway? Is it knowing no matter what happens you did your very best and that this experience, filled with success or failure, has somehow made you a better person?
I am hoping in the coming hours that I will find the answers to these questions - provided I survive long enough to find out.....
Preston & I have not talked much about our feelings about this day other than to admit we are both nuts and that we can't belive this day has actually arrived. I know he was nervous as I watched his hands shake as he dressed this morning. I wonder what thoughts run through his mind as he has loaded the buses with 100's of other runners. He has trained so hard for this day, will it all see him through? What are his fears, his hopes, his goals? His biggest goal is to finish this race, no matter how long it takes.
My goal is the same. My biggest fear, howeverl is that it will take too long and that I will be as slow as a snail and by so doing will get scooped up by the race patrols and DRIVEN to the finish line. My life this last several months has been spent caring for a new baby and a large family. It has been spent doing laundry and finding myself finishing large volumes of reading material on all those sleepless nights. It has not been spent in training, and all those thoughts of "I should have" are overpowering my brain. At this point all those thoughts are meaningless as I look at the clock and know in just a short time I will also be on a bus and on my way to the starting line of this crazy adventure.
All I can do is my best - my best at where I am today - and not worry about what my best would have been if...No matter if I face success or failure I can honestly say that I tried and that is something important to remember. Trying will always bring growing experiences to apply to life or to share with others. It is not the success or the failure or the destination but the journey that makes all the difference.
Here's to the journey......