Just got a phone call from new dr office. We missed the window for 3 specific blood tests she wants because they didn’t have my records – uugghh – and because of vacation I am going to have to wait until Dec to take them - which may cause the results to be completely different than they would have been Friday (which was our window and didn’t get any bloodwork done when I was there because of not having info and records)
They did access my archived records. My results from those tests, along with my current concerns, still lead her to believe that I have re-ocurring issues going. It looks like my adrenal and cortisol levels are insufficient and imbalanced again, possibly severely. She would like me to start a new supplement to try to help balance some things. Still waiting to see if I really do need that other one she recommended last week – with it being SO expensive, I am almost hoping she will decide I don’t need it right now. I will also be scheduled for a follow up appt next month. Although that may be delayed if she was wanting that appt to follow up lab work that is now going to have to wait…
Sounds like from the conversation I had on the phone with the nurse that CFS is a given. Will really have to wait to see what levels of those bloodtests are to confirm markers of current symptoms. I am concerned though that they will not show true current results if they are done after I have been on supplements and things....frustrating to know that I was right there in the office and missed the window because they couldnt have immediate access to my records.
On a positive note there is a good chance that the fibromyalsia may not be a true concern. Again, we will have to wait until future appts and tests, but that would be an extra blessing amidst all the current health concerns.
Guess that is all for now – will send more updates and info when I have it
Monday, November 1, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Still Struggling
It seems like this last week has been harder than most. Just need to write things down to see if I can start to sort things out.
Seems health concerns are the continual story of our lives. Last weekend it was Preston with kidney stones. Poor thing was so sick, but finally passed them during the week. This week it is me and Colton again.
Colton has really struggled this week with behavior, emotions, etc because of physical concerns. School work has been almost non-existent because I have been spending all my time on discipline. Meltdowns are where they havent been for a really long time, and we have been at that level for a good 3 weeks now. He had one good window at his OT appt but that was all. 1 hr of complete calm from this whole week. The rest has been spent screaming, hurting others, slamming doors, throwing things, etc. All which have landed him in his room most of the time and early bedtimes. All of the help he could be getting is on hold because we are still waiting to even see specialists, or waiting on others to put things in place to try to have insurance help cover appts that have exorbant price tags attached.
I feel like for the most part we are hunkering down again - not going places or doing things because he is not holding it together here at home, let alone anywhere else. I also feel that no one else understands where we are at and I have had many comments made that just make me feel like I am failing him.
My health has taken a sudden downturn in the last few weeks as well. This week I have been esp struggling. Sleep has been next to non-existent, and when I am sleeping I am having nightmares. We have exhausted just about all the resources available with my sleep specialist because what works for most people has not worked for me at all. Meds are really not a choice either, just not willing to put myself or kids at such a high risk to play with things. So I continue to struggle on my own.
This week I also got another big whammy. I went to give blood this week, only to find out that the Red Cross has added a new restriction - Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I talked with the nurse on staff at the blood drive and the more she looked at me, and the more ??? she asked, she strongly recommended that I not give even though I havent been officially diagnosed in the past. I barely held it together as I walked out of the building. I had been feeling like this was one area I could really do some good for someone else, and now I have been turned away, again, and may not ever be able to give again...
Before I left the building that day I made a phone call to my dr office. I was told he was scheduled 3 months out and that he was no longer considered a primary care, only a specialist now. Great. I was suddenly in need of extra medical help, and had no doctor again. I was told that a family nurse practitioner was on staff now and that she could be my primary care and that she had an opening the next day. I took it, hoping for the best.
I was able to see her yesterday, but still feeling very unsettled about the whole appt. We spent 1 1/2 hours going over my entire history - again. She also kept asking snippets of questions about my spiritual health and any past traumas. I told there were concerns without going into any details. She asked about my support system - about family or "my church" I told her that we didnt have family here to help and that I did have a good support system from church, but not for everyday little things or even current struggles. Everyone else has a life of their own, I am not going to call others just because I am having an extra bad day, or extra bad few weeks. I should be able to handle those things on my own. Plus I am already feeling very alone around everyone I know right now, not fitting into any circles, feeling like most people are perfectly happy to steer clear of me and that is my own fault. (I didnt share this with her)
Just at the end of the appt the NP said she felt that she should tell me that she is a christian and that dealing with spiritual health is part of the whole. She responded to several comments that I made about feeling the same way, but I also left feeling almost condemned for the things I said because she felt like I wasnt christian too. It may have just been my brain being way too overwhelmed and already feeling unsettled, but I am having a hard time deciding if I am going to go back, and knowing right now I dont have any other choice. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it is hard trying to decide if I do, what other appts are going to be like. The other dr I had was the first one in a very long time who I felt actually listened to me without judging me. Now he is no longer available, and I am left feeling stranded again and yet still having unresolved medical concerns.
The concerns may become even more challenging from the conversation we had. She was pretty sure that there would be a clinical diagnosis for CFS, even without other testing (which they dont have) but she was also concerned that because of other things I shared with her that I may be in the beginning stages of Fibromyalsia - which usually goes hand-in-hand with CFS.
Neither of these have blood tests or exact tests that say "ah ha, this is it!" but there is pretty detailed information about symptoms and markers (which sounds like I may have several already) I have known people with FM and know that this is nothing to take lightly.
At this point, I am in holding pattern again. My records were not available online and found out that they have been archived, which will be a pain in the tush to be able to get a hold of. The NP said she was going to work on getting all of my detailed records, including a list of meds and supplements I have had in the last couple of years, and talk with my previous dr in that office to see if she could get a better, whole, picture of what the next steps will be. Most likely there will be some follow up blood work (most likely vit D levels are severely depleted again and hormones are totally imbalanced) as well as some new blood work and some more "tests" to go over symptoms and markers of CFS and FM. She was hoping those would happen this next week. So I am just in holding pattern again until I hear from her and we know how to go forward.
One of the comments about "spiritual" health made me comment that sometimes Heavenly Father helps you through something vs cutting you loose from it (she had her own comment to that) and I keep wondering what it is that I have not learned yet - what it is that I am still failing at - that these health concerns continue to be such a big part of our lives - for me and for Colton and for our family. For now all I can do is wait things out, and try and figure out what we are going to do, and what we can do to get through this again. Not sure what all the options are yet, will have to work extra hard to be patient enough to be in holding pattern until we know more.
Lots more to write about, but will have to wait for another time...kiddos are all up and my quiet window to write is gone for now...will try to write more soon, maybe
Seems health concerns are the continual story of our lives. Last weekend it was Preston with kidney stones. Poor thing was so sick, but finally passed them during the week. This week it is me and Colton again.
Colton has really struggled this week with behavior, emotions, etc because of physical concerns. School work has been almost non-existent because I have been spending all my time on discipline. Meltdowns are where they havent been for a really long time, and we have been at that level for a good 3 weeks now. He had one good window at his OT appt but that was all. 1 hr of complete calm from this whole week. The rest has been spent screaming, hurting others, slamming doors, throwing things, etc. All which have landed him in his room most of the time and early bedtimes. All of the help he could be getting is on hold because we are still waiting to even see specialists, or waiting on others to put things in place to try to have insurance help cover appts that have exorbant price tags attached.
I feel like for the most part we are hunkering down again - not going places or doing things because he is not holding it together here at home, let alone anywhere else. I also feel that no one else understands where we are at and I have had many comments made that just make me feel like I am failing him.
My health has taken a sudden downturn in the last few weeks as well. This week I have been esp struggling. Sleep has been next to non-existent, and when I am sleeping I am having nightmares. We have exhausted just about all the resources available with my sleep specialist because what works for most people has not worked for me at all. Meds are really not a choice either, just not willing to put myself or kids at such a high risk to play with things. So I continue to struggle on my own.
This week I also got another big whammy. I went to give blood this week, only to find out that the Red Cross has added a new restriction - Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I talked with the nurse on staff at the blood drive and the more she looked at me, and the more ??? she asked, she strongly recommended that I not give even though I havent been officially diagnosed in the past. I barely held it together as I walked out of the building. I had been feeling like this was one area I could really do some good for someone else, and now I have been turned away, again, and may not ever be able to give again...
Before I left the building that day I made a phone call to my dr office. I was told he was scheduled 3 months out and that he was no longer considered a primary care, only a specialist now. Great. I was suddenly in need of extra medical help, and had no doctor again. I was told that a family nurse practitioner was on staff now and that she could be my primary care and that she had an opening the next day. I took it, hoping for the best.
I was able to see her yesterday, but still feeling very unsettled about the whole appt. We spent 1 1/2 hours going over my entire history - again. She also kept asking snippets of questions about my spiritual health and any past traumas. I told there were concerns without going into any details. She asked about my support system - about family or "my church" I told her that we didnt have family here to help and that I did have a good support system from church, but not for everyday little things or even current struggles. Everyone else has a life of their own, I am not going to call others just because I am having an extra bad day, or extra bad few weeks. I should be able to handle those things on my own. Plus I am already feeling very alone around everyone I know right now, not fitting into any circles, feeling like most people are perfectly happy to steer clear of me and that is my own fault. (I didnt share this with her)
Just at the end of the appt the NP said she felt that she should tell me that she is a christian and that dealing with spiritual health is part of the whole. She responded to several comments that I made about feeling the same way, but I also left feeling almost condemned for the things I said because she felt like I wasnt christian too. It may have just been my brain being way too overwhelmed and already feeling unsettled, but I am having a hard time deciding if I am going to go back, and knowing right now I dont have any other choice. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it is hard trying to decide if I do, what other appts are going to be like. The other dr I had was the first one in a very long time who I felt actually listened to me without judging me. Now he is no longer available, and I am left feeling stranded again and yet still having unresolved medical concerns.
The concerns may become even more challenging from the conversation we had. She was pretty sure that there would be a clinical diagnosis for CFS, even without other testing (which they dont have) but she was also concerned that because of other things I shared with her that I may be in the beginning stages of Fibromyalsia - which usually goes hand-in-hand with CFS.
Neither of these have blood tests or exact tests that say "ah ha, this is it!" but there is pretty detailed information about symptoms and markers (which sounds like I may have several already) I have known people with FM and know that this is nothing to take lightly.
At this point, I am in holding pattern again. My records were not available online and found out that they have been archived, which will be a pain in the tush to be able to get a hold of. The NP said she was going to work on getting all of my detailed records, including a list of meds and supplements I have had in the last couple of years, and talk with my previous dr in that office to see if she could get a better, whole, picture of what the next steps will be. Most likely there will be some follow up blood work (most likely vit D levels are severely depleted again and hormones are totally imbalanced) as well as some new blood work and some more "tests" to go over symptoms and markers of CFS and FM. She was hoping those would happen this next week. So I am just in holding pattern again until I hear from her and we know how to go forward.
One of the comments about "spiritual" health made me comment that sometimes Heavenly Father helps you through something vs cutting you loose from it (she had her own comment to that) and I keep wondering what it is that I have not learned yet - what it is that I am still failing at - that these health concerns continue to be such a big part of our lives - for me and for Colton and for our family. For now all I can do is wait things out, and try and figure out what we are going to do, and what we can do to get through this again. Not sure what all the options are yet, will have to work extra hard to be patient enough to be in holding pattern until we know more.
Lots more to write about, but will have to wait for another time...kiddos are all up and my quiet window to write is gone for now...will try to write more soon, maybe
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Fall In The Willamette Valley
We always laugh here in Oregon as we are out and about and hear people talking about the weather and they look at the sky or stand and shake their heads and say "it's Fall in Oregon".
Here is an example of a Fall Willamette Valley forcast:
Today temperatures will be 34 in the early morning, and 80 in the afternoon. Skies at 530am will be clear and shining with brilliant stars and a full moon. You will be freezing to death and wearing several layers of clothes, a heavy coat, and drinking hot chocolate. By 7am heavy fog will roll in, settle to the ground and will be so thick you will barely be able to see the front of your own car. By early afternoon there will not be a cloud in the sky as far as you can see and the sun will be beating down so hard you will change into shorts and T-shirts and be eating popcicles.
-OR-
This afternoon when you look out your window to the South you will see thick black clouds, heavy rain, with misty-snowy like consistency, and when you turn your head and look out the window to the West you will see a cloudless blue sky and not one drop of rain.
-OR-
You will have 5 solid days of 60-80 degree temperatures, and clear blue skies. Within 24 hours of that 5th day you will see the temperature drop back down to 30 something, followed by slate gray skies, ominus black clouds, blinding monsoon rain, hurricane force winds, and extreme thunder and lightning. Oh, yes, please do remember that all of this weather will result in power outages for an undesignated number of hours. Do you remember where the candles and matches are or if you have any fresh batteries for the flashlight you are going to need to dig out of the bottom of the kids' toybox?
-OR-
Within the next 12 hours you will experience a combination of the following: temperatures fluxuating between 30-something and 60-something all day long; rain that is light, heavy, torrential, and misty; clear blue skies, heavy clouds, blinding sun, gentle breezes, and hurricane force winds; fog that is hazy, vaporous, murky, dense, and so thick you wont be able to see your hand in front of your face. You wont know what to wear at all. You will choose layers of clothing, including a light jacket, but excluding an umbrella (only tourists use umbrellas). You will drink gallons of hot chocolate just to get warm, and then drink gallons of ice water to cool off. On this day your menu will bounce between hot soup and bread to cold sandwiches and ice cream cones.You will have the thermostat cranked to 85 in the morning, and all the windows and doors wide open in the afternoon. When you wake up it will be pitch black outside, you will experience "sun breaks" throughout the day, and it will be pitch black again by 6pm. You will drive in your car and alternate between turning on the heater and the air conditioner. You will also alternate putting on, and taking off your sun glasses as you experience those "sun breaks" previously mentioned. You will look at the clock at 630pm and then out the window to try to confirm it really is only dinner time when it feels and looks like it is the middle of the night; and you would be more than happy to feed the kids cereal and put everyone to bed (including yourself) right now.
Hhhmmm, did I miss anything? Welcome to Fall in Oregon! Even with all the craziness in our weather, you can't beat the gorgeous views it gives every day:
Here is an example of a Fall Willamette Valley forcast:
Today temperatures will be 34 in the early morning, and 80 in the afternoon. Skies at 530am will be clear and shining with brilliant stars and a full moon. You will be freezing to death and wearing several layers of clothes, a heavy coat, and drinking hot chocolate. By 7am heavy fog will roll in, settle to the ground and will be so thick you will barely be able to see the front of your own car. By early afternoon there will not be a cloud in the sky as far as you can see and the sun will be beating down so hard you will change into shorts and T-shirts and be eating popcicles.
-OR-
This afternoon when you look out your window to the South you will see thick black clouds, heavy rain, with misty-snowy like consistency, and when you turn your head and look out the window to the West you will see a cloudless blue sky and not one drop of rain.
-OR-
You will have 5 solid days of 60-80 degree temperatures, and clear blue skies. Within 24 hours of that 5th day you will see the temperature drop back down to 30 something, followed by slate gray skies, ominus black clouds, blinding monsoon rain, hurricane force winds, and extreme thunder and lightning. Oh, yes, please do remember that all of this weather will result in power outages for an undesignated number of hours. Do you remember where the candles and matches are or if you have any fresh batteries for the flashlight you are going to need to dig out of the bottom of the kids' toybox?
-OR-
Within the next 12 hours you will experience a combination of the following: temperatures fluxuating between 30-something and 60-something all day long; rain that is light, heavy, torrential, and misty; clear blue skies, heavy clouds, blinding sun, gentle breezes, and hurricane force winds; fog that is hazy, vaporous, murky, dense, and so thick you wont be able to see your hand in front of your face. You wont know what to wear at all. You will choose layers of clothing, including a light jacket, but excluding an umbrella (only tourists use umbrellas). You will drink gallons of hot chocolate just to get warm, and then drink gallons of ice water to cool off. On this day your menu will bounce between hot soup and bread to cold sandwiches and ice cream cones.You will have the thermostat cranked to 85 in the morning, and all the windows and doors wide open in the afternoon. When you wake up it will be pitch black outside, you will experience "sun breaks" throughout the day, and it will be pitch black again by 6pm. You will drive in your car and alternate between turning on the heater and the air conditioner. You will also alternate putting on, and taking off your sun glasses as you experience those "sun breaks" previously mentioned. You will look at the clock at 630pm and then out the window to try to confirm it really is only dinner time when it feels and looks like it is the middle of the night; and you would be more than happy to feed the kids cereal and put everyone to bed (including yourself) right now.
Hhhmmm, did I miss anything? Welcome to Fall in Oregon! Even with all the craziness in our weather, you can't beat the gorgeous views it gives every day:
Friday, October 22, 2010
New Attractions At The Baxter House
We have had lots of re-arranging of major non-living space at our house recently. One of our monster projects was cleaning out the garage to get all the new storage shelves moved into the garage. Since we cant get either vehicle into the garage anymore, we decided to go ahead and turn it into extra storage space. Preston's office downsized tons of furniture when they made the move to the HP site. We were lucky enough to win bids on the silent auction for the bookshelves. We have turned the garage into our own "grocery store" - lining up the shelves just like at the store, in isles, and moving all non-essential food and water storage outside. This is slowly clearing space for all of our home-canned items in glass jars to be inside where they are safer. It has been a big conversation piece in our neighborhood and having people visit. It has also become a fun maze play area for the little peeps. They love running in and out of them just like it was a big maze.
Our other big re-arrangement finally came yesterday when the new W/D arrived. When the washer died last weekend we were pretty stuck, esp after it flooded and we used every available towel to get the water up off the floors. The towels, along with mountains of laundry have been waiting until the new ones came yesterday. At first I was a bit intimidated, but we seem to be settling in with them ok.
This is where the kids and I spent a good hour together. Kaeli read through the manual as we tried to figure everything out. The kids spent most of the afternoon fascinated with watching the drum turn one way and then the other and watching all the clothes slosh around.
Ok, so I have to admit, I spent some time being fascinated myself....
Ky seemed to be the most enthralled with the whole thing. He plopped himself down with his new best friend (a stuffed duck from his primary teacher) and his new Halloween bucket, and sat and watched the wash go around and around. The funny part of watching him is that he would follow the wash drum with his head. As it went around, he would circle his head in the same direction. When it would change, so would he. It really was kind of funny. On one circle around he actually looked up at me and I just happened to have the camera in hand. It reminds me of when we got the new stove. I have picts of him and Colton in the same position, also fascinated with being able to look throught the glass and watch the food bake - esp if it was treats. Funny how the most simple things are so captivating to kiddos. We should learn a thing or two from them to find joy in the very simplest of things...
So far things seem to be going well. Both W/D hold tons more than our others did and even though the cycles are longer, I am getting 2x as much done at once. Should have all the mountains taken down to mole hills (or totally gone) by tomorrow. Extra glad that it is the weekend, hoping to have some quiet, non-stress time to just be with kids and get house stuff caught up. Will keep our fingers crossed that after so much unexpected misadventures that things will be more quiet for awhile...here's hoping.
Our other big re-arrangement finally came yesterday when the new W/D arrived. When the washer died last weekend we were pretty stuck, esp after it flooded and we used every available towel to get the water up off the floors. The towels, along with mountains of laundry have been waiting until the new ones came yesterday. At first I was a bit intimidated, but we seem to be settling in with them ok.
This is where the kids and I spent a good hour together. Kaeli read through the manual as we tried to figure everything out. The kids spent most of the afternoon fascinated with watching the drum turn one way and then the other and watching all the clothes slosh around.
Ok, so I have to admit, I spent some time being fascinated myself....
Ky seemed to be the most enthralled with the whole thing. He plopped himself down with his new best friend (a stuffed duck from his primary teacher) and his new Halloween bucket, and sat and watched the wash go around and around. The funny part of watching him is that he would follow the wash drum with his head. As it went around, he would circle his head in the same direction. When it would change, so would he. It really was kind of funny. On one circle around he actually looked up at me and I just happened to have the camera in hand. It reminds me of when we got the new stove. I have picts of him and Colton in the same position, also fascinated with being able to look throught the glass and watch the food bake - esp if it was treats. Funny how the most simple things are so captivating to kiddos. We should learn a thing or two from them to find joy in the very simplest of things...So far things seem to be going well. Both W/D hold tons more than our others did and even though the cycles are longer, I am getting 2x as much done at once. Should have all the mountains taken down to mole hills (or totally gone) by tomorrow. Extra glad that it is the weekend, hoping to have some quiet, non-stress time to just be with kids and get house stuff caught up. Will keep our fingers crossed that after so much unexpected misadventures that things will be more quiet for awhile...here's hoping.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Dumb Things = Big Cha-Ching
Why is it when you finally feel like you are getting on top of things, maybe have some $ tucked away and ready for something special, that life hits you square in the face?
Case in point - $ tucked away, mostly ready to roll for upcoming family vacation next month...except life decided to also roll around and take funds elsewhere....
1) Driver side mirror side-swiped by a horse (long story) - on permanent hold of being repaired probably...
2) Important paperwork from 2007 (remember when every square inch of the house was ripped apart during the remodel?) that apparently didnt get taken care of - BIG oops
3) Washer deciding to die in a rattling, screeching fit (literally) and flood the mudroom and kitchen floor. (will most likely be calling flooring guys to see if they can seal the wood floor and hope the it isnt irreparably damaged...) Also trying to figure out how we are going to be patient waiting for the new washer/dryer to be delivered at the end of the week. We are doing multiple loads of laundry every day...could be a really long weekend again
4) Catching the garage door on the back tire of my bike - bending the whole garage frame and ripping bolts and track completely out (found out whoever installed it the first time did a really crummy job)
5) ANOTHER vacuum bit the dust (at least it didnt go down in flames this time)
6) Dishwasher that is literally hanging on by a thread (wheels have come off tracks, wires are rusting through, wheel track is currently jury-rigged with twisty-ties) and is mostly just sanitizing vs actually washing the dishes (we had it also flood the floor with bubbles and water and discovered that liq dish soap was used vs dw soap...) The kids may learn about doing dishes by hand very soon....
7) Specialist appt for Colton that will not accept our insurance (he has to have it, we have to find some way to take care of monster charges)
8) Another specialist that dropped the ball on getting pre-approval from insurance for appt that already happened, and it may get dropped in our lap to have to cover (still fighting this one)
Most of these things have happened in the last 2 weeks....I am trying not to get too stressed, but I know that most of this has taken away all of the $ we did have tucked away for vacation, and then some. Vacation can't/isn't going to be cancelled because of reservations and such that are non-refundable. All of this is going to mean we are most likely going to be seeing Preston even less than we do now as he tries to find the hours at work to help cover family needs. Any photography income will also be helping pay for the new washer and anything else I can help with too...
I REALLY detest $ and at times like this it is hard not to cry over all the needs we are trying so hard to meet, just to continue to come up less than empty...
These all seem like dumb things, but for me right now they are not dumb, just overwhelming and very frustrating....esp knowing how hard Preston is already working to care for our family....having him gone even more is going to be even harder, for all of us. Wish I knew better what to do, or how to better contribute to take some of the pressure off....just not sure where the answers are yet...
Case in point - $ tucked away, mostly ready to roll for upcoming family vacation next month...except life decided to also roll around and take funds elsewhere....
1) Driver side mirror side-swiped by a horse (long story) - on permanent hold of being repaired probably...
2) Important paperwork from 2007 (remember when every square inch of the house was ripped apart during the remodel?) that apparently didnt get taken care of - BIG oops
3) Washer deciding to die in a rattling, screeching fit (literally) and flood the mudroom and kitchen floor. (will most likely be calling flooring guys to see if they can seal the wood floor and hope the it isnt irreparably damaged...) Also trying to figure out how we are going to be patient waiting for the new washer/dryer to be delivered at the end of the week. We are doing multiple loads of laundry every day...could be a really long weekend again
4) Catching the garage door on the back tire of my bike - bending the whole garage frame and ripping bolts and track completely out (found out whoever installed it the first time did a really crummy job)
5) ANOTHER vacuum bit the dust (at least it didnt go down in flames this time)
6) Dishwasher that is literally hanging on by a thread (wheels have come off tracks, wires are rusting through, wheel track is currently jury-rigged with twisty-ties) and is mostly just sanitizing vs actually washing the dishes (we had it also flood the floor with bubbles and water and discovered that liq dish soap was used vs dw soap...) The kids may learn about doing dishes by hand very soon....
7) Specialist appt for Colton that will not accept our insurance (he has to have it, we have to find some way to take care of monster charges)
8) Another specialist that dropped the ball on getting pre-approval from insurance for appt that already happened, and it may get dropped in our lap to have to cover (still fighting this one)
Most of these things have happened in the last 2 weeks....I am trying not to get too stressed, but I know that most of this has taken away all of the $ we did have tucked away for vacation, and then some. Vacation can't/isn't going to be cancelled because of reservations and such that are non-refundable. All of this is going to mean we are most likely going to be seeing Preston even less than we do now as he tries to find the hours at work to help cover family needs. Any photography income will also be helping pay for the new washer and anything else I can help with too...
I REALLY detest $ and at times like this it is hard not to cry over all the needs we are trying so hard to meet, just to continue to come up less than empty...
These all seem like dumb things, but for me right now they are not dumb, just overwhelming and very frustrating....esp knowing how hard Preston is already working to care for our family....having him gone even more is going to be even harder, for all of us. Wish I knew better what to do, or how to better contribute to take some of the pressure off....just not sure where the answers are yet...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Baxter Family Update
Since I havent been able to blog alot lately with our berzerk schedule, I thought I would post some bits from a letter I recently sent to a friend. Some of it is family update and some of it is just writing down feelings and such from some recent experiences...feel free to peruse as you choose...
We are doing ok and keeping WAY too busy like always. Seems like I think we are going to have a quiet day just for the whole thing to turn upside down. The whole rest of our week looks like that again.
The kids are working hard with school stuff. It has been a struggle to keep up with classes with all the extra craziness that takes me away from home. They are doing their best though.
Ceana has been job shadowing at the vet clinic and is really loving that a lot. She is learning tons and is slowly being allowed to help with little things in the office. She is missing not being involved with music at school, but takes the chance to play with pep band at games whenever she can with her friends. She is taking a pretty heavy load with classes again this year. She is learning lots of new things though. She has good teachers again this year and they have been great to work with us and her as we have been working through Colton's medical concerns that have interrupted school time.
Kaeli is mostly being a home-body and just doing school and music lessons right now. She is enjoying the flexibility of working however long she wants on creative writing and art projects. She has created some really amazing work already this year. She has started voice lessons with our friend who is giving the kids piano lessons, and that seems to be going well. She is enjoying having the focus on voice along with piano.
Caiden is still struggling being caught in the middle most of the time. We have been trying to find extra time with Preston to work on projects and homework together, and that seems to be helping. We were trying to do scouts with him, but things have been a bit unorganized and we have been forgotten or we have forgot activities until it was too late. I am not sure he is really into it, but it is hard that he doesn’t get to be around the other boys very often. Hoping school will give us the opportunity to meet new friends in other ways this year. Hoping that scouts will eventually be part of his schedule, maybe by the time he gets to YM...One of his favorite things to do is ride his bike. Since he learned how to ride, and is old enough to go with Kaeli on outings, it is something he really looks forward to. Their favorite outing is to the library each week to check out new books. School is good and challenging for him. He has a really great teacher this year again and that is making things go much better than they could have gone. He is great with Caiden and it was fun for them to meet each other at Open House last week and get lots of time to talk. His big challenge this year will be to have to hand write ALL of his assignments. This is the one area that he still struggles with. It will be good practice for him to focus on it though. He is looking forward to next year when all of his assignments will have to be done on the computer. For now, we work daily on writing assignments and re-writing as needed. He just keeps plugging along.
Colton is doing pretty well for the most part, esp with all the craziness and appts. I think he is handling things better than me most of the time. We still struggle with school stuff daily, some days we get lots done and others we don’t. We try to even it out in the middle and just work when he is willing and able. He has his same teacher again this year, which we are very thankful for. She is a doll and it is a blessing to have her be so supportive and encouraging, and to not have to worry about starting from scratch with a new teacher. He had his 2 week post op appt yesterday. That went well other than waiting in the dr office for over an hour. We were given some minor instructions to try to work on, still trying to figure out how we can meet the dr requests...He has his 6 week post op appt and hearing test next month. That will be a big appt to help us know what else is going to be on the plate as far as hearing and medical needs. He is also scheduled to see a pediatric psych specialist in December. We are still a bit concerned how we are going to pay for the appts, but he has to have it so we know what direction we need to take with his behavioral/emotional needs stuff. We finally have his IEP meeting scheduled with the district after fighting with them this whole last month. We finally got ORCA on their tails and got them to schedule a meeting. It is a last minute thing that I am trying to squeeze into my already out of control schedule on Thursday. Hopefully we will come away with good things in place and convince them that we need to add medical needs on top of things. Hopefully we will get all of his medical needs updated on it and be able to use that to help us pursue getting his speech services in place soon. Things with the district have been very challenging this year, and it seems it has been an uphill battle to ask for their help. Hoping that I walk away with good things done from that meeting that will continue to help us help Colton get all of his special needs met.
Ky is just a little stinker like always. So cute and adorable, and so mischievous at the same time. He is LOVING going to preschool with Lynda and is doing a great job there. It is his special time that he really looks forward to. He has been doing a bit better with eating, which has been a relief to me. He is at least eating consistently every day, even if it is the same foods. It is better than him not eating at all. He is still such a little squirt. No matter how high up I put things (specifically sugar) he literally climbs the shelves in the pantries. He has also discovered how to get paper cups down from the potty shelf in the bathroom and get himself a “drink” which usually results in water everywhere if I don’t catch him soon enough. One new big thing is that the potty training thing is starting to click since he started preschool. He has gone 2x by himself in the last little while. It makes me hopeful that diapers will be gone soon. It will be like getting a raise with the $ that wont be going for baby supplies anymore…Hopefully by his bday he will be all squared away. I still often find it difficult to discipline him when needed. He uses all his charms, and puppy dog eyes and infectious giggle, and I just have to walk away before I laugh out loud. I eventually do what is needed, but he sure makes it hard. He even pulled in the missionaries yesterday, had them completely wrapped around his finger - and it was the 1st time we had them over! He just has that gift, will have to keep working on how to better implement discipline for his safety and learning though. He is such a scamp.
Kels is just talking up a storm and still has the whole attitude thing going on. She continues to amaze me almost daily with the things that come out of her mouth. This last week she blew me away when she saw a pict of a CD on the TV and went over and traced it and said “circle”, and then did it again several more times in totally different places! She made me laugh right out loud when I was brushing her hair and she had bfast stuck in it. I asked her what she had stuck in her hair and her response was “I have NO idea!” I couldnt figure out for the life of me where she had picked up such a phrase - until I heard Ceana say it mult times in the last few days...She is just busy soaking it all in everywhere she goes. She also waggled her finger at me and told me “just a minute!” when I asked her to do something the other night. She definitely holds her own in our family. She still loves her sissy too. Most of the time she only will allow Kaeli to do things for her and with her. She wont even let me help her. She gets very upset when Kaeli isn’t around to help and she has to let me help instead. Sometimes it makes me sad, but other times, it makes me glad that she loves Kaeli and that Kaeli is so willing to help her in return. She is still a little tank and wearing 5T-6T clothes. She is also very tall for her age and keeps growing out of clothes and shoes. It is crazy.
The kids have made some great friends through ORCA and we got the unexpected chance to spend extra time with them and to offer service to them this last weekend. Good kids and good families. (will hopefully be posting a blog thing soon) We are looking forward to the chance to seeing them much more often this year and being in contact often with all the online technology that is out there. Ceana is still trying hard to stay in touch with school friends here as well and has been invited by Ana’s family to participate in several things coming up soon. She is enjoying trying to attend the social activities like games and concerts and things with the girls at CHS and even if school is struggling, we are finding time to let her go so she doesn’t lose those ties. She got a fun surprise this last week too when she was almost asked out on a date from a good friend from CHS. She knows she would have had to tell him “no” for now, but it is exciting for her to know that this young man will for sure ask her again after her bday….he is a good kid too, and it would be good to know that she would be safe and enjoy her time with him if that opportunity comes up.
We also realized this week that we have BIG birthdays coming up this year - 16, 8 and 5. We have big birthday plans in the works, so stay tuned for more info about those! We will let everyone know soon, esp about the 16 and 8 we are trying to coordinate into the same week. Slowly getting details worked out.
Preston has been crazy busy with work, military and bishopbric responsibilities. We have been able to give some extra service in the ward and he has been a huge part of that. We are doing our best to help, and Preston has been amazing to just jump in and serve and help like always. His other big undertaking right now is attempting to submit a resume for the interim position open on the school board. Things have been nightmarish at best in the district, it is appalling with all the things that are going on. Wish we could get the fire going under others to make the needed changes. It has been hard when so many are just apathetic or uncaring, it really will take the voice of the community to make things change, but that is not happening, and that is sad. Even though I have been the one to mostly attend board meetings, we felt that Preston was the one that needed to pursue this position. I guess depending on what happens with the district in the next few months, he may have his name on the election ballot in May. Will see how things go between now and then.
I have been keeping extra busy with all of Colton’s appts and fighting with the district about getting his IEP in place and finding out what services they are going to offer or not. Photography has been going really well. I have had several shoots in the last few weeks that have gone really great. I am going to be helping a friend in Portland with being a 2nd for a wedding she is doing this week. I am really excited about the opportunity since I have already been asked to do 2 weddings in June just after school is out. It will give me some “real” practice to be right in the middle of things for a non-LDS ceremony (which the other 2 will be). My friend is an amazing photographer so I am excited to get the chance to learn from her.
Health stuff for me has still been challenging. Sleep is almost non-existent again, with no more options available to me besides meds. There is really not much I can do on this end except try to let Wendy and Drew beat on me when our schedule allows it. Just keep doing what I can.
I am now officially Ceana’s Sunday school class teacher. Great bunch of kiddos, and I feel like I am the one learning a ton from the lessons each week. I am not sure still how things are going on my teaching end though. It has been hard not having the kids always prepared and get an active participation going. It is all new to them, vs adults who have lots they have learned. Some weeks I feel like I talk at them vs with them and that our short lesson time doesn’t accomplish what I hoped. I often wonder if I am doing the job that Heavenly Father intended and that I am failing this calling like I have all the rest….
I feel like I am a failure in most other areas these days. The house constantly looks like a hurricane went through it. Between concentrating on school and so many medical needs trying to be met right now, I just cant get to it all. I am not spending quality or quantity time with the kids either. There are days I am not even at home, or days that I am, but just bouncing between everyone to try to help, but not feel like I am really helping…Meals are usually a “fend for yourself” thing – usually meaning lots of pancakes, cold cereal or mac & cheese. I have tried to make sure there are lots of healthy, fresh foods in the house, so at least when everyone is foraging, it is good for them. Just lots I feel spinning further out of control vs getting back under control, and not the time or energy to get it there.
Feeling so much the odd man out recently too – Like we don’t fit in with homeschool families, we don’t fit in with regular school families, just don’t feel like we fit in at all, even at church. Ceana was feeling the same way on Sunday during class too…Friends dont understand where we are with life in general, and dont understand all of our life circumstances and the extra committments those bring. I have had comments made recently about our choice of school, too and how it is "too bad" we have chosen that, and that it is not good for keeping social things going...
Feel alot like we are struggling through things on our own. I have esp been feeling this way. Even different activities or being around other sisters, I just feel like I am on the outside or not wanted or cared about at all anymore. Like I really just dont belong anywhere or in any circle. We have struggled through so many things the last couple of years...I am thinking that has really just been too much for others and I have been left behind. We are making new friends through many different opportunities, but it is hard feeling not wanted or accepted by friends close by.
I am looking forward to attending TOFW in November. It is sure to be a jam-packed weekend full of good, spiritual things to hopefully help re-fill some of the emptiness I have been feeling. It will be good time to reflect on things and just re-group a bit with a "just mom" outing.
Well, guess that is all the update I have for now. We are just trying to do our best every day. Sometimes that best is alot, and other times it seems so insignificant. Just one day at a time is all we can do. Hopefully we will get better at getting on top of things soon. For now, we just take one little thing at a time and for now, that has to be enough.
We are doing ok and keeping WAY too busy like always. Seems like I think we are going to have a quiet day just for the whole thing to turn upside down. The whole rest of our week looks like that again.
The kids are working hard with school stuff. It has been a struggle to keep up with classes with all the extra craziness that takes me away from home. They are doing their best though.
Ceana has been job shadowing at the vet clinic and is really loving that a lot. She is learning tons and is slowly being allowed to help with little things in the office. She is missing not being involved with music at school, but takes the chance to play with pep band at games whenever she can with her friends. She is taking a pretty heavy load with classes again this year. She is learning lots of new things though. She has good teachers again this year and they have been great to work with us and her as we have been working through Colton's medical concerns that have interrupted school time.
Kaeli is mostly being a home-body and just doing school and music lessons right now. She is enjoying the flexibility of working however long she wants on creative writing and art projects. She has created some really amazing work already this year. She has started voice lessons with our friend who is giving the kids piano lessons, and that seems to be going well. She is enjoying having the focus on voice along with piano.
Caiden is still struggling being caught in the middle most of the time. We have been trying to find extra time with Preston to work on projects and homework together, and that seems to be helping. We were trying to do scouts with him, but things have been a bit unorganized and we have been forgotten or we have forgot activities until it was too late. I am not sure he is really into it, but it is hard that he doesn’t get to be around the other boys very often. Hoping school will give us the opportunity to meet new friends in other ways this year. Hoping that scouts will eventually be part of his schedule, maybe by the time he gets to YM...One of his favorite things to do is ride his bike. Since he learned how to ride, and is old enough to go with Kaeli on outings, it is something he really looks forward to. Their favorite outing is to the library each week to check out new books. School is good and challenging for him. He has a really great teacher this year again and that is making things go much better than they could have gone. He is great with Caiden and it was fun for them to meet each other at Open House last week and get lots of time to talk. His big challenge this year will be to have to hand write ALL of his assignments. This is the one area that he still struggles with. It will be good practice for him to focus on it though. He is looking forward to next year when all of his assignments will have to be done on the computer. For now, we work daily on writing assignments and re-writing as needed. He just keeps plugging along.
Colton is doing pretty well for the most part, esp with all the craziness and appts. I think he is handling things better than me most of the time. We still struggle with school stuff daily, some days we get lots done and others we don’t. We try to even it out in the middle and just work when he is willing and able. He has his same teacher again this year, which we are very thankful for. She is a doll and it is a blessing to have her be so supportive and encouraging, and to not have to worry about starting from scratch with a new teacher. He had his 2 week post op appt yesterday. That went well other than waiting in the dr office for over an hour. We were given some minor instructions to try to work on, still trying to figure out how we can meet the dr requests...He has his 6 week post op appt and hearing test next month. That will be a big appt to help us know what else is going to be on the plate as far as hearing and medical needs. He is also scheduled to see a pediatric psych specialist in December. We are still a bit concerned how we are going to pay for the appts, but he has to have it so we know what direction we need to take with his behavioral/emotional needs stuff. We finally have his IEP meeting scheduled with the district after fighting with them this whole last month. We finally got ORCA on their tails and got them to schedule a meeting. It is a last minute thing that I am trying to squeeze into my already out of control schedule on Thursday. Hopefully we will come away with good things in place and convince them that we need to add medical needs on top of things. Hopefully we will get all of his medical needs updated on it and be able to use that to help us pursue getting his speech services in place soon. Things with the district have been very challenging this year, and it seems it has been an uphill battle to ask for their help. Hoping that I walk away with good things done from that meeting that will continue to help us help Colton get all of his special needs met.
Ky is just a little stinker like always. So cute and adorable, and so mischievous at the same time. He is LOVING going to preschool with Lynda and is doing a great job there. It is his special time that he really looks forward to. He has been doing a bit better with eating, which has been a relief to me. He is at least eating consistently every day, even if it is the same foods. It is better than him not eating at all. He is still such a little squirt. No matter how high up I put things (specifically sugar) he literally climbs the shelves in the pantries. He has also discovered how to get paper cups down from the potty shelf in the bathroom and get himself a “drink” which usually results in water everywhere if I don’t catch him soon enough. One new big thing is that the potty training thing is starting to click since he started preschool. He has gone 2x by himself in the last little while. It makes me hopeful that diapers will be gone soon. It will be like getting a raise with the $ that wont be going for baby supplies anymore…Hopefully by his bday he will be all squared away. I still often find it difficult to discipline him when needed. He uses all his charms, and puppy dog eyes and infectious giggle, and I just have to walk away before I laugh out loud. I eventually do what is needed, but he sure makes it hard. He even pulled in the missionaries yesterday, had them completely wrapped around his finger - and it was the 1st time we had them over! He just has that gift, will have to keep working on how to better implement discipline for his safety and learning though. He is such a scamp.
Kels is just talking up a storm and still has the whole attitude thing going on. She continues to amaze me almost daily with the things that come out of her mouth. This last week she blew me away when she saw a pict of a CD on the TV and went over and traced it and said “circle”, and then did it again several more times in totally different places! She made me laugh right out loud when I was brushing her hair and she had bfast stuck in it. I asked her what she had stuck in her hair and her response was “I have NO idea!” I couldnt figure out for the life of me where she had picked up such a phrase - until I heard Ceana say it mult times in the last few days...She is just busy soaking it all in everywhere she goes. She also waggled her finger at me and told me “just a minute!” when I asked her to do something the other night. She definitely holds her own in our family. She still loves her sissy too. Most of the time she only will allow Kaeli to do things for her and with her. She wont even let me help her. She gets very upset when Kaeli isn’t around to help and she has to let me help instead. Sometimes it makes me sad, but other times, it makes me glad that she loves Kaeli and that Kaeli is so willing to help her in return. She is still a little tank and wearing 5T-6T clothes. She is also very tall for her age and keeps growing out of clothes and shoes. It is crazy.
The kids have made some great friends through ORCA and we got the unexpected chance to spend extra time with them and to offer service to them this last weekend. Good kids and good families. (will hopefully be posting a blog thing soon) We are looking forward to the chance to seeing them much more often this year and being in contact often with all the online technology that is out there. Ceana is still trying hard to stay in touch with school friends here as well and has been invited by Ana’s family to participate in several things coming up soon. She is enjoying trying to attend the social activities like games and concerts and things with the girls at CHS and even if school is struggling, we are finding time to let her go so she doesn’t lose those ties. She got a fun surprise this last week too when she was almost asked out on a date from a good friend from CHS. She knows she would have had to tell him “no” for now, but it is exciting for her to know that this young man will for sure ask her again after her bday….he is a good kid too, and it would be good to know that she would be safe and enjoy her time with him if that opportunity comes up.
We also realized this week that we have BIG birthdays coming up this year - 16, 8 and 5. We have big birthday plans in the works, so stay tuned for more info about those! We will let everyone know soon, esp about the 16 and 8 we are trying to coordinate into the same week. Slowly getting details worked out.
Preston has been crazy busy with work, military and bishopbric responsibilities. We have been able to give some extra service in the ward and he has been a huge part of that. We are doing our best to help, and Preston has been amazing to just jump in and serve and help like always. His other big undertaking right now is attempting to submit a resume for the interim position open on the school board. Things have been nightmarish at best in the district, it is appalling with all the things that are going on. Wish we could get the fire going under others to make the needed changes. It has been hard when so many are just apathetic or uncaring, it really will take the voice of the community to make things change, but that is not happening, and that is sad. Even though I have been the one to mostly attend board meetings, we felt that Preston was the one that needed to pursue this position. I guess depending on what happens with the district in the next few months, he may have his name on the election ballot in May. Will see how things go between now and then.
I have been keeping extra busy with all of Colton’s appts and fighting with the district about getting his IEP in place and finding out what services they are going to offer or not. Photography has been going really well. I have had several shoots in the last few weeks that have gone really great. I am going to be helping a friend in Portland with being a 2nd for a wedding she is doing this week. I am really excited about the opportunity since I have already been asked to do 2 weddings in June just after school is out. It will give me some “real” practice to be right in the middle of things for a non-LDS ceremony (which the other 2 will be). My friend is an amazing photographer so I am excited to get the chance to learn from her.
Health stuff for me has still been challenging. Sleep is almost non-existent again, with no more options available to me besides meds. There is really not much I can do on this end except try to let Wendy and Drew beat on me when our schedule allows it. Just keep doing what I can.
I am now officially Ceana’s Sunday school class teacher. Great bunch of kiddos, and I feel like I am the one learning a ton from the lessons each week. I am not sure still how things are going on my teaching end though. It has been hard not having the kids always prepared and get an active participation going. It is all new to them, vs adults who have lots they have learned. Some weeks I feel like I talk at them vs with them and that our short lesson time doesn’t accomplish what I hoped. I often wonder if I am doing the job that Heavenly Father intended and that I am failing this calling like I have all the rest….
I feel like I am a failure in most other areas these days. The house constantly looks like a hurricane went through it. Between concentrating on school and so many medical needs trying to be met right now, I just cant get to it all. I am not spending quality or quantity time with the kids either. There are days I am not even at home, or days that I am, but just bouncing between everyone to try to help, but not feel like I am really helping…Meals are usually a “fend for yourself” thing – usually meaning lots of pancakes, cold cereal or mac & cheese. I have tried to make sure there are lots of healthy, fresh foods in the house, so at least when everyone is foraging, it is good for them. Just lots I feel spinning further out of control vs getting back under control, and not the time or energy to get it there.
Feeling so much the odd man out recently too – Like we don’t fit in with homeschool families, we don’t fit in with regular school families, just don’t feel like we fit in at all, even at church. Ceana was feeling the same way on Sunday during class too…Friends dont understand where we are with life in general, and dont understand all of our life circumstances and the extra committments those bring. I have had comments made recently about our choice of school, too and how it is "too bad" we have chosen that, and that it is not good for keeping social things going...
Feel alot like we are struggling through things on our own. I have esp been feeling this way. Even different activities or being around other sisters, I just feel like I am on the outside or not wanted or cared about at all anymore. Like I really just dont belong anywhere or in any circle. We have struggled through so many things the last couple of years...I am thinking that has really just been too much for others and I have been left behind. We are making new friends through many different opportunities, but it is hard feeling not wanted or accepted by friends close by.
I am looking forward to attending TOFW in November. It is sure to be a jam-packed weekend full of good, spiritual things to hopefully help re-fill some of the emptiness I have been feeling. It will be good time to reflect on things and just re-group a bit with a "just mom" outing.
Well, guess that is all the update I have for now. We are just trying to do our best every day. Sometimes that best is alot, and other times it seems so insignificant. Just one day at a time is all we can do. Hopefully we will get better at getting on top of things soon. For now, we just take one little thing at a time and for now, that has to be enough.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING....
I am a parent and a community member, and I currently do NOT have my children attending any of the schools in our district. I have attended more board meetings than I can count, with my kids enrolled and not.
Last night's board meeting was appalling at best. Hunter and the board members ignored comments made from the staff, and back pedaled all of their previous month's votes on re-arranging of their meeting format. They made excuses and shut down vocal objections to call them on making private changes to their own rules that were voted on in public AND shut down any opportunity for the community members in attendance to make any comments at all.
The board literally turned their backs on those in attendance when they grouped themselves together for a "work session" with their backs facing the staff and community members in the room. That litte saying that actions speak louder than words was screaming to the staff and public that the board and super wanted nothing to do with any of us. The comment from the board chair that absolutely NO comments would be allowed from the public also slammed everyone, even after I specifically approached her and called her on the statement she made PRIOR to the work session that the board WOULD allow comments to happen from the floor.
They also were very disrespectful and outright beyond rude when they didnt even recognize the board member who left voluntarily. She has served on the board, in our community and in our schools for YEARS, and the board did not make one mention of her devoted service or even mention her name. Another VERY loud action on the super's and the board's part that they are separating themselves from her for taking a stand for right and walking away from all the garbage. She is a wonderful person, and she very much deserves all of our praise and support for choosing to take a stand. She will be missed very much. I hope that in the chance that miraculous changes do occur and good people are brought in to serve, and when we get a new super, that she might even reconsider and return to do more good for our community. Even if that never happens, she will continue to do what she does best - love children, love education, and be involved in our community, and we will all be blessed because of her devotion and service.
Just a comment about the negative things that have been said recently about the staff seeking the "proper" channels to speak out against the board and Hunter. Right now the teachers in our district are working WITHOUT a contract - mostly in part from Hunter walking away from negotiations and using intimidation and refusal to participate in discussions to get what he wants. So far it is working, from what I heard last night, teachers have given up the things that they DESERVE (raise in pay, prep time, etc) in the hope that they can just secure their jobs and their lives. Hunter has kept them in fear and pain by threatening them with general pink slips - 2 years in a row. Most teachers still came to the beginning of the school year not knowing if they would be here or not. Some still are in that position even a month into school now. They live in daily fear of their jobs with nothing to protect them should they even try to speak out. They dont know whether they should seek employment elsewhere, and now that the year has started, if they do lose their positions, they will have nowhere to even start looking.
When they do speak out it is in hushed tones and the comment of "I better not say this too loud, if anyone heard I would be fired."
I witnessed again last night the board dictating and making choices that directly affected the staff in that room, and watched as staff member's faces contorted in unbelief, shock, anger, sadness, hopelessness - even one staff member who I am pretty sure had to physcially leave the room to go outside to vent his anger and frustration, before he could sit through the rest of the meeting. My eyes met those of teachers with silent messages going between us of just being blown away at what was happening right there in front of us. Never a single thought was given to the staff during this time, no notice was made at all to the huge range of emotions that ran high in that room and on their faces.
Even taking a stand as a large group last night to publicly voice their concerns and requests did nothing but fall on deaf ears. The community members who were there stood with them, but there were few of us there to make a difference. Our teachers need OUR support now, more than ever, to make the positive changes that are desperately needed so they can get back to doing what they do best - give the love and education that our children need and deserve.
I also want to make a comment about how the board conveniently did not mention that letters of intent are due by Friday to apply for the interim board position that is currently vacant. There is info abounding in the community that the board and super have their own agenda about who they are going to put into that position. They will unless we do something to tell them that is not ok. Personal agendas do not belong anywhere, let alone where our children are concerned. We need to FLOOD the district office with letters of intent from anyone that lives in Independence and North of Main Street. Let them know that we care and that we want to have a say in what happens on the board.
After much thought, prayer, consideration, and inspiration, we have agreed that this is important to our family, even with the kids not currently attending schools here. Preston is currently working on his letter of intent packet to turn in on Thursday this week. We hope that it will only be one of MANY to make sure the board and super follow their own policies and rules by allowing the community to apply to fill interim positions. We know for a fact that a contact we have in the district will be marching into the district office to physically see all the letters that are submitted, to make them accountable. We need to give her LOTS to look at. Please, there are only 3 days left submit more letters, prayerfully consider the role that you do and could play for the good of our children and community.
One last comment to all concerned parents and citizens. A letter that will publicly state a vote of no confidence in Hunter's performance as super is now circulating throughout the community. It is going to take all of our voices to finally make the changes that the board should have done long ago. It is going to be up to us - the tax payers, the parents, the community members to finally say ENOUGH and see the changes made now, before it really grows too late to do anything. Things must happen to make the board and super accountable. A community call for an outside audit of the 2008 bond $ must be voiced and heard. Our district teachers need to know that they have our support in their continued efforts to secure their jobs and have their needs met. Our children need to see us be the examples of voicing why it is important to choose leaders who will be honest, trustworthy, upstanding citizens, so that when it is their turn they will continue to choose good leaders and make our communities and country a better place.
You can go to "thecentraladvocate.blogspot.com" to find the contact info for the people currently circulating the letters. If the board will hear the voice of the people, whom they have been elected to represent, then we can make a difference in our community for the good of our teachers and ourselves, but more importantly for our children.
I hope that families and individuals throughout our community will do all they can, now and in May when local elections occur, to choose people and leaders who will keep our best interests in their minds and hearts. If we dont choose to speak for the good of our children, who will?
Last night's board meeting was appalling at best. Hunter and the board members ignored comments made from the staff, and back pedaled all of their previous month's votes on re-arranging of their meeting format. They made excuses and shut down vocal objections to call them on making private changes to their own rules that were voted on in public AND shut down any opportunity for the community members in attendance to make any comments at all.
The board literally turned their backs on those in attendance when they grouped themselves together for a "work session" with their backs facing the staff and community members in the room. That litte saying that actions speak louder than words was screaming to the staff and public that the board and super wanted nothing to do with any of us. The comment from the board chair that absolutely NO comments would be allowed from the public also slammed everyone, even after I specifically approached her and called her on the statement she made PRIOR to the work session that the board WOULD allow comments to happen from the floor.
They also were very disrespectful and outright beyond rude when they didnt even recognize the board member who left voluntarily. She has served on the board, in our community and in our schools for YEARS, and the board did not make one mention of her devoted service or even mention her name. Another VERY loud action on the super's and the board's part that they are separating themselves from her for taking a stand for right and walking away from all the garbage. She is a wonderful person, and she very much deserves all of our praise and support for choosing to take a stand. She will be missed very much. I hope that in the chance that miraculous changes do occur and good people are brought in to serve, and when we get a new super, that she might even reconsider and return to do more good for our community. Even if that never happens, she will continue to do what she does best - love children, love education, and be involved in our community, and we will all be blessed because of her devotion and service.
Just a comment about the negative things that have been said recently about the staff seeking the "proper" channels to speak out against the board and Hunter. Right now the teachers in our district are working WITHOUT a contract - mostly in part from Hunter walking away from negotiations and using intimidation and refusal to participate in discussions to get what he wants. So far it is working, from what I heard last night, teachers have given up the things that they DESERVE (raise in pay, prep time, etc) in the hope that they can just secure their jobs and their lives. Hunter has kept them in fear and pain by threatening them with general pink slips - 2 years in a row. Most teachers still came to the beginning of the school year not knowing if they would be here or not. Some still are in that position even a month into school now. They live in daily fear of their jobs with nothing to protect them should they even try to speak out. They dont know whether they should seek employment elsewhere, and now that the year has started, if they do lose their positions, they will have nowhere to even start looking.
When they do speak out it is in hushed tones and the comment of "I better not say this too loud, if anyone heard I would be fired."
I witnessed again last night the board dictating and making choices that directly affected the staff in that room, and watched as staff member's faces contorted in unbelief, shock, anger, sadness, hopelessness - even one staff member who I am pretty sure had to physcially leave the room to go outside to vent his anger and frustration, before he could sit through the rest of the meeting. My eyes met those of teachers with silent messages going between us of just being blown away at what was happening right there in front of us. Never a single thought was given to the staff during this time, no notice was made at all to the huge range of emotions that ran high in that room and on their faces.
Even taking a stand as a large group last night to publicly voice their concerns and requests did nothing but fall on deaf ears. The community members who were there stood with them, but there were few of us there to make a difference. Our teachers need OUR support now, more than ever, to make the positive changes that are desperately needed so they can get back to doing what they do best - give the love and education that our children need and deserve.
I also want to make a comment about how the board conveniently did not mention that letters of intent are due by Friday to apply for the interim board position that is currently vacant. There is info abounding in the community that the board and super have their own agenda about who they are going to put into that position. They will unless we do something to tell them that is not ok. Personal agendas do not belong anywhere, let alone where our children are concerned. We need to FLOOD the district office with letters of intent from anyone that lives in Independence and North of Main Street. Let them know that we care and that we want to have a say in what happens on the board.
After much thought, prayer, consideration, and inspiration, we have agreed that this is important to our family, even with the kids not currently attending schools here. Preston is currently working on his letter of intent packet to turn in on Thursday this week. We hope that it will only be one of MANY to make sure the board and super follow their own policies and rules by allowing the community to apply to fill interim positions. We know for a fact that a contact we have in the district will be marching into the district office to physically see all the letters that are submitted, to make them accountable. We need to give her LOTS to look at. Please, there are only 3 days left submit more letters, prayerfully consider the role that you do and could play for the good of our children and community.
One last comment to all concerned parents and citizens. A letter that will publicly state a vote of no confidence in Hunter's performance as super is now circulating throughout the community. It is going to take all of our voices to finally make the changes that the board should have done long ago. It is going to be up to us - the tax payers, the parents, the community members to finally say ENOUGH and see the changes made now, before it really grows too late to do anything. Things must happen to make the board and super accountable. A community call for an outside audit of the 2008 bond $ must be voiced and heard. Our district teachers need to know that they have our support in their continued efforts to secure their jobs and have their needs met. Our children need to see us be the examples of voicing why it is important to choose leaders who will be honest, trustworthy, upstanding citizens, so that when it is their turn they will continue to choose good leaders and make our communities and country a better place.
You can go to "thecentraladvocate.blogspot.com" to find the contact info for the people currently circulating the letters. If the board will hear the voice of the people, whom they have been elected to represent, then we can make a difference in our community for the good of our teachers and ourselves, but more importantly for our children.
I hope that families and individuals throughout our community will do all they can, now and in May when local elections occur, to choose people and leaders who will keep our best interests in their minds and hearts. If we dont choose to speak for the good of our children, who will?
Monday, October 4, 2010
FUNNY GIRL
Kels upon waking up today came and found me in the office, and the first thing out of her was "I eat lunch" to which I introduced the word breakfast. "I eat breakfast. Syrup?" (she has recently discovered the joy of pancakes and syrup)
To which I replied no syrup because I dont have anything to put it on. Without missing a beat she asked "pancake?" To which I replied no pancakes today, how about PBJ? "peabutter jam syrup? (as she pointed to the fridge) I repeated to her no syrup, and that I didnt have any. To which she pointed towards the kitchen (intending her little finger to point at the fridge), and more emphatically said "syrup!" This kid may grow up to be a lawyer!
She knew full well that I DID have syrup and right where it was, what she didnt understand was the "yes there is syrup, but no you cant have any today". Usually when she wants to make her point she raises her voice to high pitched volume, and I try to not let it get to that point. We were almost there today though. It is a bit challenging to have a rational conversation with a 2yr old....
We found her PB&J biscuit left over from yesterday (she LOVES putting things in baggies lately too and then being able to open them) and she is happily parked in front of DUMBO. Silly girl is quite the little character at times. Dont know what we would ever do without her.
To which I replied no syrup because I dont have anything to put it on. Without missing a beat she asked "pancake?" To which I replied no pancakes today, how about PBJ? "peabutter jam syrup? (as she pointed to the fridge) I repeated to her no syrup, and that I didnt have any. To which she pointed towards the kitchen (intending her little finger to point at the fridge), and more emphatically said "syrup!" This kid may grow up to be a lawyer!
She knew full well that I DID have syrup and right where it was, what she didnt understand was the "yes there is syrup, but no you cant have any today". Usually when she wants to make her point she raises her voice to high pitched volume, and I try to not let it get to that point. We were almost there today though. It is a bit challenging to have a rational conversation with a 2yr old....
We found her PB&J biscuit left over from yesterday (she LOVES putting things in baggies lately too and then being able to open them) and she is happily parked in front of DUMBO. Silly girl is quite the little character at times. Dont know what we would ever do without her.
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