Baxter Family Update

Since I havent been able to blog alot lately with our berzerk schedule, I thought I would post some bits from a letter I recently sent to a friend. Some of it is family update and some of it is just writing down feelings and such from some recent experiences...feel free to peruse as you choose...


We are doing ok and keeping WAY too busy like always. Seems like I think we are going to have a quiet day just for the whole thing to turn upside down. The whole rest of our week looks like that again.

The kids are working hard with school stuff. It has been a struggle to keep up with classes with all the extra craziness that takes me away from home. They are doing their best though.

Ceana has been job shadowing at the vet clinic and is really loving that a lot. She is learning tons and is slowly being allowed to help with little things in the office. She is missing not being involved with music at school, but takes the chance to play with pep band at games whenever she can with her friends. She is taking a pretty heavy load with classes again this year. She is learning lots of new things though. She has good teachers again this year and they have been great to work with us and her as we have been working through Colton's medical concerns that have interrupted school time.

Kaeli is mostly being a home-body and just doing school and music lessons right now. She is enjoying the flexibility of working however long she wants on creative writing and art projects. She has created some really amazing work already this year. She has started voice lessons with our friend who is giving the kids piano lessons, and that seems to be going well. She is enjoying having the focus on voice along with piano.

Caiden is still struggling being caught in the middle most of the time. We have been trying to find extra time with Preston to work on projects and homework together, and that seems to be helping. We were trying to do scouts with him, but things have been a bit unorganized and we have been forgotten or we have forgot activities until it was too late. I am not sure he is really into it, but it is hard that he doesn’t get to be around the other boys very often. Hoping school will give us the opportunity to meet new friends in other ways this year. Hoping that scouts will eventually be part of his schedule, maybe by the time he gets to YM...One of his favorite things to do is ride his bike. Since he learned how to ride, and is old enough to go with Kaeli on outings, it is something he really looks forward to. Their favorite outing is to the library each week to check out new books. School is good and challenging for him. He has a really great teacher this year again and that is making things go much better than they could have gone. He is great with Caiden and it was fun for them to meet each other at Open House last week and get lots of time to talk. His big challenge this year will be to have to hand write ALL of his assignments. This is the one area that he still struggles with. It will be good practice for him to focus on it though. He is looking forward to next year when all of his assignments will have to be done on the computer. For now, we work daily on writing assignments and re-writing as needed. He just keeps plugging along.

Colton is doing pretty well for the most part, esp with all the craziness and appts. I think he is handling things better than me most of the time. We still struggle with school stuff daily, some days we get lots done and others we don’t. We try to even it out in the middle and just work when he is willing and able. He has his same teacher again this year, which we are very thankful for. She is a doll and it is a blessing to have her be so supportive and encouraging, and to not have to worry about starting from scratch with a new teacher. He had his 2 week post op appt yesterday. That went well other than waiting in the dr office for over an hour. We were given some minor instructions to try to work on, still trying to figure out how we can meet the dr requests...He has his 6 week post op appt and hearing test next month. That will be a big appt to help us know what else is going to be on the plate as far as hearing and medical needs. He is also scheduled to see a pediatric psych specialist in December. We are still a bit concerned how we are going to pay for the appts, but he has to have it so we know what direction we need to take with his behavioral/emotional needs stuff. We finally have his IEP meeting scheduled with the district after fighting with them this whole last month. We finally got ORCA on their tails and got them to schedule a meeting. It is a last minute thing that I am trying to squeeze into my already out of control schedule on Thursday. Hopefully we will come away with good things in place and convince them that we need to add medical needs on top of things. Hopefully we will get all of his medical needs updated on it and be able to use that to help us pursue getting his speech services in place soon. Things with the district have been very challenging this year, and it seems it has been an uphill battle to ask for their help. Hoping that I walk away with good things done from that meeting that will continue to help us help Colton get all of his special needs met.

Ky is just a little stinker like always. So cute and adorable, and so mischievous at the same time. He is LOVING going to preschool with Lynda and is doing a great job there. It is his special time that he really looks forward to. He has been doing a bit better with eating, which has been a relief to me. He is at least eating consistently every day, even if it is the same foods. It is better than him not eating at all. He is still such a little squirt. No matter how high up I put things (specifically sugar) he literally climbs the shelves in the pantries. He has also discovered how to get paper cups down from the potty shelf in the bathroom and get himself a “drink” which usually results in water everywhere if I don’t catch him soon enough. One new big thing is that the potty training thing is starting to click since he started preschool. He has gone 2x by himself in the last little while. It makes me hopeful that diapers will be gone soon. It will be like getting a raise with the $ that wont be going for baby supplies anymore…Hopefully by his bday he will be all squared away. I still often find it difficult to discipline him when needed. He uses all his charms, and puppy dog eyes and infectious giggle, and I just have to walk away before I laugh out loud. I eventually do what is needed, but he sure makes it hard. He even pulled in the missionaries yesterday, had them completely wrapped around his finger - and it was the 1st time we had them over! He just has that gift, will have to keep working on how to better implement discipline for his safety and learning though. He is such a scamp.

Kels is just talking up a storm and still has the whole attitude thing going on. She continues to amaze me almost daily with the things that come out of her mouth. This last week she blew me away when she saw a pict of a CD on the TV and went over and traced it and said “circle”, and then did it again several more times in totally different places! She made me laugh right out loud when I was brushing her hair and she had bfast stuck in it. I asked her what she had stuck in her hair and her response was “I have NO idea!” I couldnt figure out for the life of me where she had picked up such a phrase - until I heard Ceana say it mult times in the last few days...She is just busy soaking it all in everywhere she goes. She also waggled her finger at me and told me “just a minute!” when I asked her to do something the other night. She definitely holds her own in our family. She still loves her sissy too. Most of the time she only will allow Kaeli to do things for her and with her. She wont even let me help her. She gets very upset when Kaeli isn’t around to help and she has to let me help instead. Sometimes it makes me sad, but other times, it makes me glad that she loves Kaeli and that Kaeli is so willing to help her in return. She is still a little tank and wearing 5T-6T clothes. She is also very tall for her age and keeps growing out of clothes and shoes. It is crazy.

The kids have made some great friends through ORCA and we got the unexpected chance to spend extra time with them and to offer service to them this last weekend. Good kids and good families. (will hopefully be posting a blog thing soon) We are looking forward to the chance to seeing them much more often this year and being in contact often with all the online technology that is out there. Ceana is still trying hard to stay in touch with school friends here as well and has been invited by Ana’s family to participate in several things coming up soon. She is enjoying trying to attend the social activities like games and concerts and things with the girls at CHS and even if school is struggling, we are finding time to let her go so she doesn’t lose those ties. She got a fun surprise this last week too when she was almost asked out on a date from a good friend from CHS. She knows she would have had to tell him “no” for now, but it is exciting for her to know that this young man will for sure ask her again after her bday….he is a good kid too, and it would be good to know that she would be safe and enjoy her time with him if that opportunity comes up.
We also realized this week that we have BIG birthdays coming up this year - 16, 8 and 5. We have big birthday plans in the works, so stay tuned for more info about those! We will let everyone know soon, esp about the 16 and 8 we are trying to coordinate into the same week. Slowly getting details worked out.

Preston has been crazy busy with work, military and bishopbric responsibilities. We have been able to give some extra service in the ward and he has been a huge part of that. We are doing our best to help, and Preston has been amazing to just jump in and serve and help like always. His other big undertaking right now is attempting to submit a resume for the interim position open on the school board. Things have been nightmarish at best in the district, it is appalling with all the things that are going on. Wish we could get the fire going under others to make the needed changes. It has been hard when so many are just apathetic or uncaring, it really will take the voice of the community to make things change, but that is not happening, and that is sad. Even though I have been the one to mostly attend board meetings, we felt that Preston was the one that needed to pursue this position. I guess depending on what happens with the district in the next few months, he may have his name on the election ballot in May. Will see how things go between now and then.

I have been keeping extra busy with all of Colton’s appts and fighting with the district about getting his IEP in place and finding out what services they are going to offer or not. Photography has been going really well. I have had several shoots in the last few weeks that have gone really great. I am going to be helping a friend in Portland with being a 2nd for a wedding she is doing this week. I am really excited about the opportunity since I have already been asked to do 2 weddings in June just after school is out. It will give me some “real” practice to be right in the middle of things for a non-LDS ceremony (which the other 2 will be). My friend is an amazing photographer so I am excited to get the chance to learn from her.
Health stuff for me has still been challenging. Sleep is almost non-existent again, with no more options available to me besides meds. There is really not much I can do on this end except try to let Wendy and Drew beat on me when our schedule allows it. Just keep doing what I can.
I am now officially Ceana’s Sunday school class teacher. Great bunch of kiddos, and I feel like I am the one learning a ton from the lessons each week. I am not sure still how things are going on my teaching end though. It has been hard not having the kids always prepared and get an active participation going. It is all new to them, vs adults who have lots they have learned. Some weeks I feel like I talk at them vs with them and that our short lesson time doesn’t accomplish what I hoped. I often wonder if I am doing the job that Heavenly Father intended and that I am failing this calling like I have all the rest….
I feel like I am a failure in most other areas these days. The house constantly looks like a hurricane went through it. Between concentrating on school and so many medical needs trying to be met right now, I just cant get to it all. I am not spending quality or quantity time with the kids either. There are days I am not even at home, or days that I am, but just bouncing between everyone to try to help, but not feel like I am really helping…Meals are usually a “fend for yourself” thing – usually meaning lots of pancakes, cold cereal or mac & cheese. I have tried to make sure there are lots of healthy, fresh foods in the house, so at least when everyone is foraging, it is good for them. Just lots I feel spinning further out of control vs getting back under control, and not the time or energy to get it there.

Feeling so much the odd man out recently too – Like we don’t fit in with homeschool families, we don’t fit in with regular school families, just don’t feel like we fit in at all, even at church. Ceana was feeling the same way on Sunday during class too…Friends dont understand where we are with life in general, and dont understand all of our life circumstances and the extra committments those bring. I have had comments made recently about our choice of school, too and how it is "too bad" we have chosen that, and that it is not good for keeping social things going...
Feel alot like we are struggling through things on our own. I have esp been feeling this way. Even different activities or being around other sisters, I just feel like I am on the outside or not wanted or cared about at all anymore. Like I really just dont belong anywhere or in any circle. We have struggled through so many things the last couple of years...I am thinking that has really just been too much for others and I have been left behind. We are making new friends through many different opportunities, but it is hard feeling not wanted or accepted by friends close by.
I am looking forward to attending TOFW in November. It is sure to be a jam-packed weekend full of good, spiritual things to hopefully help re-fill some of the emptiness I have been feeling. It will be good time to reflect on things and just re-group a bit with a "just mom" outing.

Well, guess that is all the update I have for now. We are just trying to do our best every day. Sometimes that best is alot, and other times it seems so insignificant. Just one day at a time is all we can do. Hopefully we will get better at getting on top of things soon. For now, we just take one little thing at a time and for now, that has to be enough.