Stopping On A Dime

I think we are getting our fill of using this phrase, and yet it remains a constant in our lives...

 

This week has been no different. We watched well laid plans completely unravel in a matter of seconds and then having to wing it to make last second plans instead. You would think after all these months I would be getting pretty good at handling that...but I'm not yet....

 

Yesterday took this to the ultimate test. Tuesday night Kaeli made one of our family meals, and I was excited that it actually tasted good....

 

My tummy had other ideas though and I found myself up the entire night with horrible indigestion that nothing would touch. Tried all the meds I had at home, and peppermint "tea" (hot water and peppermint oil) but nothing made any difference. Sent out ferverent prayers to still let me get to my Dr appt.

 

By morning I thought I was doing a little better and drove myself to my Dr appt. Again, sending out prayers to just let me get to my appt, maybe get help there. By time I got down to my appt, though, I was even worse. Pain was so bad I couldnt even stand up straight. Unfortunately, Dr M just had suggestions - zofran and flat ginger ale - which I didnt even think about. We hurried through my appt so I could try to get home (FYI, reducing my chemo by 20% hoping that will help). Right before I left for home I just ran to the bathroom for a quick minute, and then found myself suddenly throwing up. I was in monster pain and throwing up - NOT fun. When I could finally get myself cleaned up I actually had to interrupt another patient to let the nurse know that I had been sick. I was so mortified, and kept apologizing, and was near tears. Cute little nurse didnt think anything of it, but I was so upset.

 

The drive home was hard, and I cried, and again prayed to "just let me get home", I was horrifed at the thought of having to pull over and be sick...As soon as I was in the door, I called for the girls, who came running to me, as I dumped all my stuff to them and ran to my bathroom. Ceana got zofran, and then jumped in the car to go find soda (did you know that Canada Dry has actual ginger in it?) While she was gone, Kaeli took care me and little kiddos. I moved from the bathroom to my floor over the garbage can. I was in so much pain that I was curled in a ball on the floor and could hardly breathe. I was totally freaked out, and I think the girls were too. I was also begging help from Heavenly Father. I knew I was too exhausted, and could not handle the intense pain. I slowly got myself to my bed, and Heavenly Father continued to answer my emotional pleas. Slowly the zofran worked, slowly the pain was taken from me. I was able to relax enough to finally sleep.

 

Both the big girls ended up caring for all the little kiddos, and helping Colton with both his speech session and his teacher check in call. Colton ended up not being able to get anymore homework done. All these things were supposed to be MY jobs, so the big girls could still do their school work. I know that they were both willing, but I cried more because "stopping on a dime" this time meant that big girls lost almost their whole school day...

 

I ended up sleeping for several hours. My tummy still was upset, but between the zofran and the flat soda I was able to keep it manageable. I was able to move myself from the bed to the couch with little kiddos.

 

Our other "stop on a dime" was just allowing little kiddos to picnic in the TV room, and stay up until big girls went to bed. Little kids settled in and big girls did work on school jobs, I think. I was able to get a bath (and prayed and cried lots) and was back in bed at 8pm.

 

Our entire day was filled with changing the plan, even sometimes a minute at a time. I was so proud of the girls for staying so calm and for doing everything that was needed for me, and the little kiddos. I just dont know what I would ever do without them.

 

In the midst of all of our challenges, so many tender mercies were extended to me and our family. Heavenly Father continued to answer every single heartfelt prayer, every one. The kids really did have a great day, esp Colton, who was extra calm and compliant, even in spite of everything I was going through. We had family prayer with Preston over the phone, I was able to read my scriptures (both things that we have just really struggled with). I was able to get reaffirmation in 2 Nephi 4:35 - "Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh (every prayer was answered). Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss. Therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee and cry unto thee (did alot of THAT today), the rock of my righteousness (struggle so much with my own concept of my righteousness). Behold my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock, and my everlasting God." I cried so much today at my total loss of control again, and at the fact that wracks my brain that I am completely and totally unworthy and undeserving of the tender mercies that were extended today, and yet they were still extended. I have a hard time understanding it, but I can testify with Nephi that this verse is true, because it was shown through every part of a very long night and day.

 

This week has been full of "stopping on the dime", and full of many tender mercies. I hope that as we know that this next week is going to be extra hard, that I will continue to think about and remember these things, and hopefully find the good in the midst of the not so good