SEASONS OF LIFE

I have been doing alot of thinking about seasons this last week. The seasons always bring change - whether in the weather outside, or in our life. No matter what the season, there are always challenges and blessings.

This week has been significant concerning the emerging season of Spring, and the weather outside. February always teases - we have 60 degrees one day, and 27 the next. We have hail, thunder, lightning, heavy winds, black skies streaked with heavy rain all the way to the ground, brilliant blue skies with a sun so dazzling that you have to put on your sunglasses, and exquisite rainbows that take your breath away - all in the same hour! Welcome to Oregon! If you dont like the weather, just wait 5 minutes. Are you a bit confused about what season it really is? Give it a day or two...

It has been interesting to think about all the extreme changes in the weather, and also the extreme changes that often come in our life. I have been thinking specifically about several sisters I know. They all are in different seasons of life, those seasons are not always easy, but they can also bring great blessings.

One sister who is a dear friend is having a special birthday this year. She is in a time of life when all her kids are in school, and her time is her own to do whatever she chooses. Her husband works regular hours, even having 1 whole day off a week. Together they are re-establishing their relationship as sweethearts, time that has not been their own for a very long time. She is greatly blessed in this season to have time to serve, time to play, time to learn new skills, just lots of time. She also has the safety and security of raising their children with her husband by her side always to teach and guide and help every day. These things are true blessings. It is a very joyful season of life.

One sister also has lots of time on her hands. But she is finding it not so joyful. She has recently retired. She has mentioned that having all that time has been very difficult for her. She has always been an extra busy lady, and very involved in her work that focuses on serving and teaching others. Now she is at home, and having a hard time knowing how to fill all those extra hours and make her days feel worthwhile. It is a difficult season of life that will take much time to find the joy again.

Another sister spans several seasons. She has one child who will graduate and leave on a mission next year. She has a middle child who is also in high school. Then she has another child who is many years younger, and will be raised almost as an only child very soon. This sister is gung-ho about the coming changes and has an amazing "bring it on" attitude. She can't wait to see what all the new changes will bring, and is looking forward to the new seasons of life that are ahead of her. Unlike many people, she loves change.

Another sister is finding that life's changes are bringing heartache and challenges. She is in a season of life where she is losing close family members and parents. She is the child trying to care for the parents, and the arrangements, and taking all the responsibilities this time of life brings. It is a challening time with both joy and sadness. The greatest blessing in her life through this difficult time is her amazing husband and the strength that he is to her, and for her. Even in times of trial there is strength and peace because they have each other.

As our seasons of life change, so can our seasons of health also change. Often these seasons are long, difficult, heartbreaking and almost beyond what we can bear. These seasons also can bring great knowledge and blessings that may not be able to come any other way. Oftentimes, those blessings come in the service that others can give.
In the last week alone, we have been made aware of several friends and family members who are going through life threatening illnesses. As I attend the temple tomorrow, I will take each of them with me in my heart and in my prayers. I hope that in the coming weeks, and months, that I might be among those able to serve and bring comfort, friendship and relief.

As I have thought about these many others and their seasons of life, I have also pondered greatly on our own season. Where are we right now? Where have we been in recent weeks and months? Have I taken the time to look for the blessings, and to be grateful to those who have given service to me and to our family?
I know that right now we span many seasons - we have a missy who is now 16, as well as a missy who is almost 3, and kiddos in between. We will celebrate big birthdays this year - and with those birthdays come significant changes to our family's season of life. We fit in all of the circles, and often none of them. We are still in a season of health struggles, and may be there yet a very long time. We are in a season of sacrifice of time, energy, and choices. We often have waded through difficult seasons on our own, with no one to help or to turn to. We have also had to rely heavily on, and put trust in, health caregivers - darling nurses, attentive doctors and helpful medical assistants & specialists. Even during great trials, we have been greatly blessed by their kindness, patience and friendship, and by the wonderful care we have continued to receive.
In the last several weeks, both Colton and I have had pretty difficult appts. I have tried to show gratitude to those who have helped both of us through these extra long days. I have tried to be grateful for, and to find some understanding of, the lessons that have needed to be learned.

I know that I have often not been patient during these difficult times. Doubt and fear have often won over faith and trust. The seasons that have come and stayed have left me disheartened and exhausted. I continue to struggle with frustration, worry and weakness. My brain knows that we have come a long way, my heart doesnt always go along. I seek out blessings, maybe more often than I should, sometimes just needing to be told what to do because I just cant see the way anymore and cannot find the strength or energy to pursue anything constructive. I still give in to stress eating, esp at times when I am feeling most alone. I often cry because I am not strong or faithful. In the moment, and in the midst of the seasons' storms, it is often more than I can handle, and yet I feel guilty that I cannot seem to bear it even when I know that others bear far greater burdens than my own.

Each of us have seasons that are short or long, calm or stormy, where we drift or are carried. Each season brings change, often that change is not what we want, but may be exactly what we need. I am trying to seek out what it is that I need, and that our family needs. I am striving to be more grateful, more patient, more trusting. Just as the weather outside changes with each passing moment, so do the seasons of our life change in the blink of an eye. I am trying to be watchful for the rainbows and the dewdrops, and be patient through the times when the skies are dark and streaked with tears. I try to think of a quote a friend has on her wall - I know I wont get it exactly right, but I think it applies. It goes something like this - "Life is not about waiting out the storms, it is about learning to dance in the rain."
As life's seasons come and go, I am striving to find the courage to dance in the rain, and look for the sparkling skies, even if it only lasts a moment. The seasons of life bring change, and there can be beauty in every season, if we try to actively seek it. I hope that someday I can see it first, instead of only seeing the clouds and rain. I am learning. Someday I will, but for now, in our many seasons, it is a work in progress, and that is ok.